If you’re married and both avoid these 10 topics, you might be drifting apart

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Marriage is a journey of common growth and shared experiences.

It’s also like having a magical secret language that only you and your partner understand.

That’s why steering clear of certain topics of conversation can indicate emotional distance.

Your husband or wife should be your ride-or-die. Your best friend. Your forever teammate.

Unfortunately, if you’re married and both avoid these 10 topics, you might be drifting apart.

It’s time to find your way back to each other.

1) Finances

Money was a constant topic of discussion in my household growing up.

Mainly the lack of it.

My parents would argue about it or discuss budgeting and saving in hushed tones.

They didn’t want to openly share their concerns with me, but they always shared them with each other.

I grew up thinking that this is the natural approach.

I still believe it is, as avoiding discussions about financial goals leads to misunderstandings and stress.

In other words, it causes emotional distance.

One of my exes was surprisingly reluctant to tell me how much he makes.

I found it weird, so I did a little research and found a Reddit post about a woman saying she doesn’t know how much her husband earns… 11 years into their marriage.

It left me flabbergasted.

Research shows that couples who pool their money are more likely to stay together.

Yet, a lot of people still see any financial topic as touchy.

If you and your spouse are among them, you should work on that.

2) Intimacy

Another topic some couples find touchy?

Sex.

Dodging conversations about intimacy spells disaster, especially if your sex life is on the rocks.

It can signify a growing rift in the relationship – physical *and* emotional.

Not only that, but it prevents you from taking the necessary steps to fix potential issues.

If your bedroom activities are lacking and you pretend nothing is wrong, you may end up resenting each other in the long run.

Even if things are peachy, communicating about sexual desires, boundaries, and expectations is still a must.

It ensures that your intimacy continues to flourish and that you both feel valued and satisfied.

In a long-term partnership, this can make the difference between repressed frustrations and a fulfilling sex life.

Besides, talking about sex strengthens trust.

Oh, and it can be quite the turn-on.

3) Future goals

Do you know what your partner wants to achieve in the foreseeable future, personally and professionally?

Do you two talk about where you see yourselves in 5, 20, or 40 years?

If not, this lack of communication may indicate a lack of alignment in the long run.

Understanding your partner’s aspirations – and vice versa – is crucial to a rewarding marriage.

It’s like having a roadmap that ensures you’re heading in the same direction and can support each other along the way.

In a loving partnership, you’re more than co-pilots.

You’re each other’s biggest fans and cheerleaders.

By openly discussing your dreams, you create a sense of shared purpose.

That’s key to sustaining a lasting relationship that allows you both to grow.

4) Parenting styles

If you have kids, differences in parenting styles create tension.

Even more so when you fail to address them.

It’s like trying to pedal a tandem bike in opposite directions. Lunacy.

Your kids will be confused, and you’ll work against each other instead of forming a united front.

When parents have contrasting approaches to discipline, education, routines, or even issues like screen time and nutrition, you need to discuss them and agree on a course of action.

Otherwise, parenting inconsistencies create a sense of insecurity and affect the children’s behavior and emotional well-being.

Not to mention that it will pit you against each other, resulting in emotional disconnect.

Sit down, talk things out, and agree on a battle plan.

You (and your kids!) will only benefit.

5) Household responsibilities

Avoiding discussions about household chores and responsibilities?

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re doing it wrong.

Failing to talk about who does what around the house can result in feelings of inequality and resentment.

The longer this resentment simmers under the surface, the more pressing it feels.

Until one day, when one of you explodes, and all hell breaks loose.

Plus, sharing responsibilities is an opportunity to build a harmonious partnership.

It’s about recognizing each other’s strengths and limitations, setting expectations, and working together to create a comfortable living environment.

What’s not to like about that?

6) Health and well-being

Neglecting to talk about health concerns or emotional well-being will leave one partner feeling isolated.

If you don’t know what your partner is going through, you can’t extend them a helping hand in times of need.

Plus, talking openly reduces the stigma often associated with these topics, especially mental health.

As living with a spouse with a mental illness can be draining, talking about what they are experiencing helps you better understand their triggers and coping mechanisms.

While no one should become their partner’s therapist, an open dialogue has positive effects:

  • It allows the other partner to comprehend what their spouse is going through, which leads to greater patience and support on their part
  • It enables the couple to seek the proper treatment and support together
  • It creates an emotionally safe environment
  • It gives you a chance to adapt the relationship to accommodate the illness

Burying your head in the sand, on the other hand, gets you absolutely nowhere.

7) Work-life balance

Failing to address work-related stress and its impact on the relationship can provoke an emotional disconnect.

Work-related stress often involves long hours, tight deadlines, and the pressure to perform.

In turn, these cause emotional fatigue and irritability.

When partners don’t communicate well, they may unknowingly direct their frustration and exhaustion towards each other, creating a divide in the relationship.

Neglecting to discuss work-related stress can also leave one partner feeling isolated.

If your boo is overwhelmed but keeps it to themselves, you don’t know what’s happening or how to offer support.

It’s like standing next to each other on the couch and scrolling on your phones. You may be close physically, but the emotional distance grows.

There will inevitably be times when work feels all-consuming.

Figure out how to navigate those times so they don’t damage your relationship beyond repair.

8) Conflict resolution

Fending off discussions about conflict resolution strategies causes unresolved issues.

Otherwise put, if you don’t talk about why and how you fight, you might be drifting apart.

Conflict is healthy, and engaging in it will deepen your bond.

But when couples neglect to discuss their disagreements, they miss the chance to develop healthier ways of relating to each other.

They might find themselves stuck in unproductive patterns, where conflicts escalate and misunderstandings persist.

I follow TherapyJeff on TikTok, and he has a great list of questions couples should ask each other after a fight.

Perhaps you can give a few of these a go?

9) Trust issues

Avoiding conversations about transparency and fidelity is a surefire way to crush the foundation of trust you worked so hard to build.

These talks are not just about preventing betrayals or infidelity. They’re about fostering a secure environment.

If one partner suddenly acts secretive, the other might suspect the worst – even if they have nothing to worry about.

Trust is a fragile thing, and it requires regular maintenance through open communication.

When you don’t tend to it, your marriage is as fragile as a house of cards.

10) In-laws

Ignoring issues related to in-laws or extended family puts a strain on the marriage.

It creates unease and can even lead to feelings of neglect.

Regardless of how close we are to our families, they play a significant role in our lives.

They influence us, either positively or negatively.

Best case scenario, in-laws are a source of encouragement and comfort.

Worst case, they are intrusive and don’t respect your boundaries.

If it’s the latter, failing to devise a strategy to deal with them is like sweeping dust under the rug.

Instead, address the issue to create a sense of partnership and solidarity that can withstand external pressures.

Don’t let them be the force that pushes the two of you apart.

Bottom line

Any marriage requires honest conversations to thrive, and avoiding the topics above creates distance between the spouses.

It’s fine to keep certain things to yourself.

Your partner doesn’t need to know that you find a celebrity insanely attractive or that their new sweater is so ugly you plan to throw it in the fire the first chance you get.

However, keeping the lines of communication open is essential when it comes to the big stuff.

As uncomfortable as some subjects might be, talking about them will only bring you closer.

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