Leila El-Dean
When you’re with someone for a while, you’re bound to have the odd disagreement here and there.
It’s human nature.
We all get triggered, mad, sad, and if we’re being honest here, a little petty or spiteful in the heat of the moment.
Hey – it’s a knee-jerk reaction. Even I’m guilty of it.
The good news is…
Research shows that couples who fight (and air their grievances) are actually 10 times more likely to stay together.
But wait a minute! There IS a fine line.
And if your partner crosses it by regularly using these eight toxic phrases, chances are, they no longer truly respect you.
1) “You always…” or “You never…”
Have you ever caught yourself saying “You always do this” or “You never listen to me” in a flash of anger?
Well, it’s time to stop!
Blanket (or absolute) statements like this are a major red flag, according to experts.
Additionally, they can be a telltale sign that you (or your partner) have given up on the relationship. Or at the very least, that it’s on very shaky ground.
Because let’s face it…
These accusatory and over-generalized behaviors are typically exaggerated (or less than accurate). Not to mention, counterproductive and disrespectful.
Let me put it this way, it’s extreme black-and-white (all-or-nothing) thinking.
Even if there’s some truth in it…
It’s only egging the other party on, which isn’t helpful. Not unless you want to escalate the situation further or force them to put up a brick wall.
Ultimately, it sends the message that you’re shutting down the conversation or slowly withdrawing from the relationship.
2) “This is just like you”
Want to halt a conversation dead in its tracks?
Well, use this toxic global attribution and see what happens.
That’s right!
If your partner uses this phrase (in a negative way) it might be time to hit the pause button.
Not only is this type of statement a sweeping generalization, but it’s a surefire way to put someone’s back up.
Simply put, it lacks respect.
What’s more, it sounds like the other person has already made their mind up.
As a result, the receiver may feel like there’s no valid response or constructive feedback to work with and make things better.
Thus terminating the dialogue and your relationship with it.
3) “You’re being too sensitive”
When you’re upset, does your partner often accuse you of “overreacting” or being “overly dramatic.”
Perhaps they tell you to “Stop exaggerating”, “Relax”, “Calm down” or that “You’re reading too much into it.”
Well, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that labeling your other half “Irrational” might not to the best way to calm them down.
In fact, downplaying someone’s emotions is more likely to go down like a lead balloon than resolve anything – even if it’s well-intentioned.
It’s belittling!
Here’s the thing…
For relationships to work, there needs to be a healthy mix of communication and mutual respect. When someone is dismissive of another person’s feelings, it can hurt.
And in more ways than one.
Not only does the person feel unheard, but it undermines their feelings – which in the moment, are very real.
At the end of the day, we’re all looking for validation. Especially when it comes to the person we trust the most – our partners.
And when your partner fails to validate you (or makes a mockery of your emotions), it can shake that trust to its core – damaging your bond beyond repair.
4) “Why can’t you be more like…”
You finally found someone who accepts you (warts and all) – or so you thought.
That’s until they uttered the haunting words…
“Why can’t you be more like [insert name here]”
Or worse…
“My ex would never have done that.”
And poof, just like that, your confidence (and self-esteem) took a major nosedive. It’s like you got punched in the gut.
Now don’t get me wrong.
I don’t fully subscribe to the notion of unconditional love. There are limits and it’s important to have boundaries.
But that aside, it’s never nice to be compared to someone else.
Particularly when it’s used to point out your negative attributes, instead of having an open and honest conversation about it.
In other words, taunt you.
Not only does it promote unhealthy competition, but it can make people feel insecure, jealous, and inadequate.
Something that isn’t fair for you OR the person your partner is comparing you to.
It’s just rude.
5) “You’re psycho” or “crazy”
When you’re at school, one of the first things you learn is that name-calling is bad.
Even toddlers know this.
So why let it happen in adulthood? More importantly, why let your partner (someone who supposedly loves you) do it?
Look…
We all lash out and say things we don’t mean when we’re angry.
But if your partner continually uses derogatory language or insults to undermine your confidence, judgment, or sanity, there’s something amiss here.
In a nutshell, it demonstrates a clear lack of respect. Not to mention it can be extremely emotionally damaging.
Instead, if they’re genuinely worried about your well-being, they should be offering support, empathy, and understanding.
When all is said and done, mental health isn’t a joke.
6) “If you don’t like it, find someone else”
This phrase isn’t just disrespectful, it’s manipulation – plain and simple.
Not only that…
But it speaks volumes about how little your partner values you (and your relationship).
Think about it…
When there’s an issue in the relationship, it’s important that both parties feel comfortable talking through your problems.
If your partner chooses to use frets to avoid or control the situation (instead of hearing you out), it’s a clear sign they don’t respect your opinion.
The truth is, it’s weaponizing your insecurities, and them some.
7) “Whatever”
Usually reserved for spotty teens and unruly tweens, the phrase “Whatever” rates highly on the rudeness scale.
Sure, on its own, it may seem harmless enough.
But when you’re trying to talk to someone and they nonchalantly grunt “Whatever,” it’s deeply frustrating. Not to mention, hurtful.
Simply put, it’s dismissive – and a swift way to shut you down.
What’s more, it sends a clear message that they’re not bothered or willing to listen to your opinion (even if it’s important).
In other words, what they’re really saying is that – “It’s not my problem.”
8) …[Nothing]
Now this last one isn’t a phrase as such, but it’s just as poignant.
I’m talking about the silent treatment (or stonewalling).
Imagine this…
You’re pouring your heart out to your partner, desperate to get some sort of response or sign that everything’s going to be okay.
Only, they say nothing, nada, zilch!
All you can hear is the faint sound of your breaking heart in two.
It’s unnerving.
Well, just like the other phrases listed here, the silent treatment can indicate that they no longer truly respect you.
Not only that…
But if they’re using it as a way to punish you, it could be a sign of a deeper issue.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and effective communication.
If you’re concerned that your partner doesn’t respect you, you need to discuss your concerns with your partner by having an open and honest conversation with them.
And if they’re unwilling to talk or listen (respectfully), it might be time to rethink the relationship.
