Tina Fey
There’s a lot to be said about the way someone treats you in a relationship. If your partner genuinely values you, they’ll consistently show it through their actions, not just empty words.
It’s a bit like a dance. When your partner truly treasures you, their steps match yours, their rhythm syncs with yours. They aren’t just going through the motions.
In a relationship that’s worth its salt, your partner’s behaviors should send clear signals that they consider you important.
As someone who has been knee-deep in the relationship game for years, both personally and professionally, I’ve pinpointed some key behaviors that are almost always present when your partner truly values you.
Here’s what to look out for…
1) They genuinely listen
In the intricate dance of relationships, listening is one of the most telling moves.
You see, when someone truly values you, they don’t just hear your words – they listen. They engage.
They respond.
It’s not about nodding along while mentally drafting their shopping list.
It’s about being present, actively participating in the conversation, and showing genuine interest in what you have to say.
This is true active listening. It’s not about waiting for your turn to talk or simply filling in the silences. It’s about hearing your thoughts, understanding your feelings, and valuing your perspectives.
When your partner truly values you, their ears are for you, their attention is on you, and their respect is with you. It’s one of those behaviors that speaks volumes about their regard for you.
2) They’re comfortable with disagreements
Now, this might sound a bit strange at first. After all, aren’t harmony and agreement signs of a good relationship?
Well, not always.
When someone truly values you, they’re not afraid to disagree with you. They respect your individuality, your unique perspective. They acknowledge that you’re two different people with different thoughts, and that’s okay.
Agreeing all the time might sound like a dream. But in reality, it often signifies a lack of depth and authenticity. It could mean that your partner is saying “yes” just to avoid conflicts or to keep you happy.
But real value comes from real respect – and real respect includes acknowledging and accepting differences.
If your partner is comfortable expressing their disagreements, it shows they see you as an equal. They’re confident that your bond can withstand the occasional storm of disagreement.
It’s counterintuitive, but profoundly true.
3) They encourage your independence
One of the biggest revelations I had while writing my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, was the importance of independence in a relationship.
When your partner truly values you, they don’t just love you – they respect your individuality. They understand that you’re two separate people, each with your own interests, friends, and dreams.
This might mean they encourage you to take that painting class you’ve been talking about or support you when you want to spend an evening with friends. They appreciate that maintaining your separate identities strengthens the relationship, rather than threatens it.
True value in a relationship is when your partner encourages you to be yourself, to pursue your passions and interests. It’s about love that doesn’t smother, but liberates.
Independence might seem counterintuitive in a relationship, but it’s often a sign of a partner who truly values you.
4) They make an effort to understand your world
I’ll never forget the words of the great poet, Maya Angelou, who once said, “I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you’.” There’s a deep truth in these words that ties into the value of understanding in a relationship.
When your partner truly values you, they make an effort to understand your world. They take interest in your hobbies, they learn about your passions, they engage with your story.
It’s not about invading your space or becoming a clone of you. It’s about appreciating the unique individual that you are.
This might mean they’ll sit with you through that documentary series you love, even if history isn’t their thing. Or they might ask questions about your job to better understand what you do all day.
They don’t just love you – they’re curious about you. And in this curiosity lies a deep sense of value and respect. It’s not just about being part of your world – it’s about understanding it.
5) They remember the little things
In my years of navigating relationships – both as a partner and as an advisor – I’ve come to realize that the smallest details often speak the loudest.
When your partner truly values you, they remember the little things. They remember how you take your coffee, your favorite book, or that story about your childhood pet. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant gifts – it’s about showing they care in subtle, personal ways.
This might mean they surprise you with your favorite dessert when you’ve had a tough day, or they remember to ask about that important meeting you were worried about.
It’s these small acts of thoughtfulness that reveal how much they value you. They show that you’re not just another person in their life, but someone special, someone worth remembering.
The little things aren’t so little after all when it comes to showing value.
6) They respect your boundaries
One of the most essential aspects I’ve learned about healthy relationships over the years is the importance of boundaries. As the renowned psychologist, Dr. Henry Cloud says, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me.”
When your partner truly values you, they respect your boundaries. They understand that you have your own needs and limits, and they honor them. They don’t push you to do things you’re uncomfortable with or disregard your feelings.
This might mean they give you space when you need it, or they respect your decision to not discuss certain topics. It’s not about controlling you or dictating terms; it’s about understanding and respecting your personal boundaries.
Remember that respect for boundaries is a clear sign of value in a relationship. It shows they see you as an individual who has their own needs and rights.
I delve deeper into relationship dynamics in my articles, so if you find these insights helpful, consider following me on Facebook to keep up with my latest posts…
7) They’re not afraid to apologize
Let’s get real for a moment. We all mess up. We’re human, after all. It’s in our nature to make mistakes, to say the wrong thing, to act thoughtlessly at times.
When your partner truly values you, they aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong. They don’t let their ego get in the way of making things right.
Apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It takes a strong person to acknowledge their mistakes and make amends.
This might mean they say “I’m sorry” when they’ve hurt your feelings, even unintentionally, or they admit when they’ve made a mistake and take steps to correct it.
If your partner is quick to apologize when they’re in the wrong, it shows an underlying respect and value for you and your feelings.
Wrapping it up
As we’ve explored, the signs of a partner who truly values you often lie in subtleties. It’s the active listening, the respectful disagreements, the encouragement of your independence.
It’s about remembering the little things, respecting your boundaries, and not being afraid to apologize.
And there’s a beautiful truth hidden within all these behaviors – it’s about seeing and acknowledging you as an individual. A partner who values you will see you not just as their significant other, but as a separate person with your own needs, desires, and boundaries.
But remember, it’s not about finding a perfect partner. Relationships are about commitment, embracing challenges, growing together.
It’s about understanding that there is no perfect human being out there but rather someone who can perfectly complement you in your journey.
This video by Justin Brown explains it well. He talks about the illusion of finding the perfect partner and how it’s more important to focus on growth and mutual support in a relationship.
May this guide serve as a compass in your journey towards understanding and appreciating the value your partner brings to your life. And remember, you too should exhibit these behaviors if you truly value your partner.
Until next time…
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