If your partner says these 8 things, they don’t have your back

Communication is key in relationships. But, sometimes, the things your partner says can reveal more than just their thoughts.

It’s about understanding the hidden meanings. When your partner says certain things, they might be subtly indicating that they’re not really supporting you.

Here’s the deal – if they say these 8 things, chances are, they don’t have your back.

In this article, we’ll decode these phrases for you. So sit tight and prepare to gain some valuable insight into your relationship dynamics.

1) “You’re overreacting”

This is a common phrase in many relationships, but it’s not always as innocent as it seems.

When your partner tells you that you’re overreacting, they’re essentially dismissing your feelings. They’re saying that your reaction is not valid or justified.

Now, here’s the catch – everyone has the right to their feelings. And if your partner truly had your back, they would validate your emotions instead of brushing them off.

If you find yourself constantly being accused of overreacting, it’s a sign that your partner might not be giving you the support and understanding you need.

But remember, communication is key. If you feel like your emotions are being dismissed, it’s important to express that to your partner in a calm and respectful manner.

2) “I told you so”

I remember the time when I was about to make a huge career decision. I was considering a job change, and my partner didn’t agree with my choice. Despite our disagreement, I went ahead with it and unfortunately, it didn’t pan out as planned.

Instead of offering comfort or understanding, the first thing out of my partner’s mouth was “I told you so”. It felt like a punch in the gut.

When your partner says “I told you so”, it’s not just an innocent phrase. It can often feel like a lack of empathy and support, especially when you’re already down. Instead of offering comfort or understanding, they’re almost taking pleasure in your failure.

Having your back means supporting you through your failures and successes alike. If your partner uses this phrase frequently, it’s worth having a conversation about how it makes you feel.

3) “You always…” or “You never…”

These phrases are indicative of absolute thinking, where your partner is painting you with a broad brush, attributing negative behaviors to you as if they’re ingrained and unchangeable.

Did you know that according to relationship experts, using absolute language like “always” or “never” is one of the top predictors of a failed relationship? It’s because this kind of language creates a pattern of blaming and criticizing, which can be damaging to the bond between partners.

If your partner frequently uses these phrases, it could suggest that they’re not recognizing your efforts or changes you have made. It might indicate that they don’t have your back in the way that they should. It’s crucial to address this habit and work towards a more constructive form of communication.

4) “You’re just too sensitive”

This phrase is another way of dismissing your feelings. Your partner is basically telling you that your reaction to a certain situation is unwarranted or exaggerated.

Having your back means being there for you, to comfort and understand you, especially when you’re upset or hurt. Instead of telling you that you’re too sensitive, a supportive partner would try to understand why you’re feeling the way you are.

If your partner often tells you that you’re too sensitive, it’s a sign that they may not be respecting your feelings or empathizing with your emotional responses. It’s important to communicate how these comments make you feel and ask for the understanding and support you need.

5) “It’s all in your head”

This phrase can feel particularly cutting. When your partner tells you that your feelings or experiences are “all in your head”, they’re invalidating your reality. It feels as though they’re questioning your sanity, or suggesting that you’re imagining things.

This can be especially heartbreaking because it feels like a betrayal. A partner who truly has your back would believe you, trust in your experiences, and support you through them. They wouldn’t dismiss you or make you feel as though your reality is skewed.

If you hear this phrase often, it might be time to have a serious conversation about trust and validation in your relationship. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve a partner who respects and acknowledges that.

6) “Why can’t you be more like…”

There was a time when my partner compared me to her friend’s boyfriend who was a high-achiever with a really successful career. “Why can’t you be more like him?” she asked one day.

This phrase was deeply hurtful. It felt as if she was suggesting that I wasn’t good enough as I am, and that she wished I was different.

When your partner compares you to other people, it can make you feel inadequate and unappreciated. A supportive partner would value and love you for who you are, not how well you measure up to others.

If your partner often makes these comparisons, it could indicate that they don’t have your back. It’s important to let them know how these comments make you feel and remind them of your unique qualities and contributions to the relationship.

7) “Whatever”

This one-word phrase might seem insignificant, but it can signal a lack of support in your relationship. “Whatever” is often a dismissal, a sign that your partner doesn’t care enough to engage with you or discuss the matter further.

A supportive partner would take the time to talk things through and find a resolution or compromise. They wouldn’t dismiss your thoughts or feelings with a nonchalant “whatever”.

If this phrase is a common occurrence in your conversations, it might be a sign that your partner doesn’t have your back. It’s important to address this issue and emphasize the importance of open and respectful communication in your relationship.

8) “You’re too needy”

If your partner calls you “too needy”, it can feel like a direct attack on your character. Everyone has needs in a relationship, and it’s okay to express them.

A partner who truly has your back would strive to understand and fulfill your needs instead of labeling them as excessive. They would respect your need for comfort, reassurance, or support, and provide it without making you feel guilty.

If your partner frequently tells you that you’re too needy, it’s a red flag. It’s essential to communicate your needs clearly and assertively, and seek a partner who values and respects them.

Final thoughts: It’s about respect

The foundation of any successful relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding.

When your partner says these 8 things, they might be unknowingly (or knowingly) disrespecting and invalidating you, which can seriously undermine the trust and bond in your relationship.

Remember, everyone deserves to be in a relationship where their feelings are acknowledged, their experiences are validated, and their needs are respected.

If these phrases are a common part of your conversations, it might be time for a serious heart-to-heart. Open communication about how these phrases make you feel could bring about a change in your relationship dynamic.

It’s important to remember that you deserve a partner who truly has your back – someone who supports you, respects you and values you for who you are.

It’s not just about what’s said, but how it’s said. Words hold power and we must use them wisely in our relationships.