If your partner does these 17 things, they’re probably quite emotionally immature

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

We’re all a little immature sometimes…and that’s okay. It’s totally normal.

But when your partner repeatedly does these things that it’s become a big part of their personality, then they might be innately immature.

And that means you need to make some changes before their traits start to harm you and your relationship.

1) They mainly care about their own happiness

Like small children, they can only think about their needs and their wants and their happiness. 

They’re not mature enough to make compromises and make sacrifices for you or anyone.

That’s because they simply don’t have the capacity to think about others.

And if you point out to them “Hey, I exist” or “I matter in this relationship, too”, they get defensive. 

2) It’s never their fault

If they did something wrong, they won’t take accountability for it—or at least not fully.

They’d say “Well, sure. I forgot to turn off the faucet BUT you should have reminded me, too.”

They always find a way to wash their hands clean of any crime.

In fact, they’d be angry at you if you point out their mistakes because as far as they’re concerned, they didn’t do anything wrong and it’s unfair for you to “attack” them that way.

3) They throw tantrums

Immature people are often overwhelmed and they find it hard to regulate their emotions.

So they lash out, shout, curse, pout, and even storm out of the room.

They even expect you to understand their meltdowns. 

It always feels like you should be the “bigger person” when you’re with them, and it can be pretty exhausting.

4) They don’t care what comes out of their mouth

We have the right to express ourselves, of course. But with this freedom comes the responsibility to express in a way that doesn’t offend or hurt others.

They, on the other hand, like to go “no filter”. They feel it’s their right to say everything they want to say.

They won’t think about how their words and their tone can affect you and your relationship at all. 

5) They love to plot revenge

Emotionally immature people enjoy drama—especially if it involves some kind of revenge.

They love it when they rise from the ashes and show others just how wrong they are for messing up with them.

They do this to their friends and family, and if they haven’t done this to you, just you wait—they surely will.

They might say they’ve forgiven you but they’ll make sure you get the punishment you deserve later on.

6) They have an all-or-nothing view on relationships

They always want 100%. If they think you give them any less, they start to doubt your love and your intentions.

It’s either you love them 100% or you don’t at all. It’s either you’re loyal to them 100% or you’re an enemy. It’s either you’re “the one” or you’re not.

It can be exhausting to maintain a relationship with them because you feel like you always have to put your best foot forward or else they’ll break up.

7) They hate it when you contradict them

If you don’t agree to what they’re saying, they’ll take it personally.

They can’t detach their ego from their ideas and they don’t have the maturity to accept that people have different points of view.

They’ll ask “So you think I’m stupid?” or “So whose side are you on?”

They want you to think exactly just like them…which is, of course, very foolish.

8) They’re passive-aggressive

Ah yes, if this isn’t the biggest sign of emotional immaturity, I don’t know what is.

Instead of telling you directly what they think and feel, they’ll express their negative feelings indirectly.

They’d say they’re alright but their actions say otherwise.

They’d say “Yes, I’m so happy. Can’t you see?!” and show an obviously fake smile. Or they would not openly complain about you eating their cake but they’d slam the cupboards.

They’ll keep saying they’re okay when they really aren’t…and it’s just so darn frustrating!

9) They expect you to read what’s on their mind

They think that if you truly love them, you should be able to sense whatever it is they’re feeling and that you’ll know what’s on their mind.

You shouldn’t ask them if you want to have dinner with your parents because you should already know that they’re not comfortable around them.

To them, the fact that you even asked is simply insulting. 

10) They find ways to make you look like the bad guy

When you have arguments, they like playing the victim. Always.

You’re always the one who’s “abusing” them in some way—you’re the gaslighter, the manipulator…and, funnily enough, they might even blame you for being the immature one.

An emotionally immature person doesn’t want to be seen as “the bad guy”, so their strategy is to point their finger at you first.

11) They get offended when you set boundaries

If you put your foot down and assert your boundaries, they get hurt.

They’d get teary-eyed and say “But I thought you love me” or “I thought we share everything”.

Emotionally immature people see boundaries as a sign that their partner does not love them unconditionally, which is totally toxic.

12) They make impulsive decisions

So not only do immature people find it hard to regulate their emotions, they also find it hard to control their urges.

If they’re excited to go to Turkey, they’d book a ticket on a whim. If they’re angry at you, they’d block your calls.

They let their emotions make decisions for them…and then, of course, they’ll later regret it once they’ve calmed down.

13) They threaten to break up

Sometimes they do it just to play games with you, but most of the time they’re actually serious about it.

If there are problems in the relationship, they’d rather end things than fix the issues. 

They just want to run away and start anew.

That’s because they don’t have the emotional maturity to handle relationships when things are a little shaky.

14) They get possessive

An emotionally immature partner would feel threatened when you’re around other people.

It doesn’t matter if they’re your boss or cousin, and it doesn’t matter if you’re doing something really important with them—like attending a conference or a funeral—they’d get jealous!

They want your world to revolve around them and so everyone else is a threat.

15) They catastrophize

If you say something as harmless as “I’m having second thoughts about our trip”, they’d freak out.

They’d think “OMG! Maybe they’re having second thoughts because they’re starting to lose feelings for me!”

They are masters at making mountains out of mole hills.

And this could be the reason why you are starting to be extra careful of what you say. You’re even starting to hide things from them because you know that anything can set them off.

16) They need constant attention and validation

They need attention and validation like a baby needs milk.

They’d feel neglected if you don’t feed them with praise and words of admiration daily.

They’d give you a cold shoulder if you didn’t notice that they dressed up. They’d think you’re starting to find them less desirable.

And god forbid if you forget important occasions like your anniversary. They’d make sure you’ll regret it!

It’s really pathetic because sometimes you have to force yourself to say nice things and do grand gestures just to make sure they’re happy…which makes it less genuine.

17) They expect you to always understand them

If they did something wrong, they expect you to not make a big deal out of it. If you do, they’ll feel unloved…and that YOU’RE the immature one for not being understanding enough.

And if you really can’t let it go, they’ll remind you that you should be able to accept them for who they are…including their flaws.

They’d say things like “Hey, you know who I am. Don’t expect me to change. Take it or leave it.”

They wouldn’t even TRY to improve themselves because you should be able to accept them for who they are. Period.

This kind of mindset is flawed because relationships should require the effort of both parties to adjust and become better for each other.

Last words

If you notice most of these behaviors on your partner, then tough luck—you’re with an emotionally immature person.

You might need to have a serious talk with them about it so you can both work on your relationship little by little.

Now, it can be quite challenging to tell an immature person that you think they’re immature (they will likely get defensive), so make sure you’re very careful with your words.

Assure them that you love them and that you’re willing to do your part to ensure things will get better.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

If someone uses these 14 phrases, they lack empathy and compassion

7 warning signs you’re slowly becoming less likeable as a person