Paul Brian
Love bombing is like the best night out of your life followed by the worst hangover you’ve ever had.
You go from being swept up in euphoria, love and bliss to hugging a toilet bowl and regretting that you ever got so intoxicated.
The problem with love bombing is that it’s not always easy to notice when it’s happening. If you’re with a love bomber, they make you feel so good and so wanted that you might just think they’re really in love with you.
But if you pay close attention to the following signs you’ll see extremely affectionate behavior that’s over the top and designed to manipulate and control you: that’s called love bombing.
1) They sweep you off your feet and make you feel intensely wanted
The first and most intense symptom of love bombing is how wanted you feel.
Cults famously engage in love bombing, recruiting new members by making them feel fully accepted, loved and valued.
The love bombing partner does the same, brushing aside your flaws and emphasizing every positive aspect of you. He or she will praise your beauty, your wit, your intelligence and your talents.
The love bomber will make you feel like you’re the most special person on the planet, and like they (and only they) truly see you for the deep value and potential you have.
2) They buy you thoughtful gifts and compliment you frequently
Along with the appreciation and constant affection, the love bombing partner will buy you thoughtful gifts and presents.
He or she will make sure to put a lot of thought into these and gift you with things you actually like or that refer to the connection between the two of you.
This includes them remembering things like the day you met, or remembering you love white chocolate or any other small details you may have mentioned.
This all adds to the impression that you’re very special to this person and a sensation of being deeply valued and loved.
Who doesn’t like that, right?
Well the problem with the love bomber is that they use this rush of affection to get a firm grip on you and then manipulate and walk all over you, often leaving you without warning…
3) They send you texts and call all the time, absorbing lots of your attention
The love bomber is extremely attentive.
He or she will have your phone dinging and chiming all over the place with cute pics, funny jokes and thoughtful messages.
You’ll warm inside to see that “good morning beautiful” message with a sun emoji, and laugh when they praise your looks or joke about their job.
Every interaction seems amplified, and everything they say seems funnier and more charming than it actually is. Without realizing it, you’re mirroring their own intense focus on you and responding in kind.
Your time and attention begins being eaten up, but you don’t mind. In fact, you start craving those dings and calls.
4) They’re extremely courteous and treat you like you’re royalty
If you like having doors opened for you and coffee brought to you in bed, the love bomber becomes your new god.
This person will treat you like you’re the absolute bee’s knees.
Everything you do seems to please them, and even when you’re lay or entitled they don’t seem to mind.
They are always there, caring about you and checking if you’re OK.
5) You’ve never really seen their ‘bad’ side in any way and they seem too good to be true
When something or somebody seems too good to be true, it usually is.
I wish I did not have to write that, but painful life experiences have taught me that it’s almost always a fact.
This is very much the case with love bombers, who seldom show you their bad side. You may even try to argue with them, but they’re so agreeable and understanding that it’s basically impossible.
They are on your side and they support you in every way.
What’s the catch? Have you finally just found somebody who truly appreciates you?
6) They build you up to feel so incredible that you let down your guard
The goal of a love bomber is often to break down your defenses and “win you over.”
They conquer hearts and seduce through sheer, high-volume affection.
This is their way of getting what they want and knowing that you love and need them.
As psychologist Alaina Tiani, Ph. D. points out:
“Initially, you might feel safe, secure and swept off your feet because grand gestures are a self-esteem boost and make you feel important and desired.”
Once the love bomber gets what he or she wants, however, the picture becomes much less rosy.
They tend to go into an avoidant mode and withdraw or to start showing their shadow side in a very toxic way.
7) They promise you the moon and talk openly about your future together
The future doesn’t scare the love bomber.
Chances are your love bomber partner will be eager to talk over the future with you, making promises and painting a beautiful portrait of how it’s going to be.
They’re selling you on a future dream of the two of you that intoxicates you to your soul.
You can’t stop thinking about it and you already start to feel more and more committed because of this person’s openness about the future.
8) They never brush you off and seem to always be there when you need them
The love bomber is defined by their availability.
When they’re in the loving phase they are always there for you and never too far away.
They want you to know that they care about you and are willing to come running if you’re in trouble or even just need somebody to talk to.
This can be a great change if you’re used to avoidants or emotionally unavailable partners.
But the bad news is that love bombers are rarely consistent and eventually shift away from this kind of reliability.
9) They prefer to only spend time one-on-one and say it’s because they feel so strongly about you
The other part of the love bomber recipe is that they prefer to see you one-on-one.
When you invite them out in groups they usually turn you down, and they don’t tend to introduce you to their friends or family.
They want to keep it to just the two of you, which can come across as romantic in the right framing.
But this is also a way of them controlling the temperature and making sure you don’t get distracted and their spell doesn’t get broken.
10) They constantly tell you how much they love you and how you have changed their life for the better
The love bomber is extremely expressive and will have you feeling showered with appreciation.
This includes numerous professions of love and how glad they are to have found you.
You’ll start feeling like royalty as I mentioned earlier, as if you dropped out of the sky and suddenly shone your blessed light on this person’s existence.
You’ll feel like it’s true love for sure, especially if they are having this strong of a reaction.
They’re telling you how much they love you all the time and how much you changed their life, how could you doubt it’s true? Why would they lie?
Separating love bombing from love
Love bombing is similar to love, but not the same.
Both involve strong bonding, expressing affection, trust and commitment.
But love bombing is next level, and it often seems to come out of the blue as if you are suddenly chosen to win a lottery.
You may be thinking “why me?” and you’re asking a good question indeed.
As I mentioned earlier, the love bomber is usually playing out a sort of psychological power game and trying to seduce your heart. They are love addicts who want somebody to fall for them and then lose interest once that happens.
This is part of what makes love bombing so potentially dangerous.
“While true romance is all about mutual admiration and respect, love bombing feels more sudden and mismatched—like you’re caught off-guard by the attention,” observes Alexandra Owen. “It also tends to be more over-the-top.”
Love bombing has real consequences, and can even be used by vicious scammers to cheat people out of their money.
It’s also far more often used to break hearts as a kind of cruel game. It’s crucial to be careful out there and beware those who come on too strong, too fast!
