According to a 2020 study, your partner is the person you spend most time with as you grow older.
Parents, friends, co-workers, even children – these people all come and go. Friends devote their time to their own families, co-workers retire, children leave the nest…
But your partner stays through it all.
Therefore, it’s absolutely crucial that you build a relationship with someone who is just as committed to you as you are to them.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of commitment-phobes on the dating scene nowadays, so you better watch out.
If your partner does these 9 things, they’re not taking the relationship seriously.
1) They say it as it is
Alright, let’s get the most obvious one out of the way – if someone tells you they’re not looking for anything serious, then… they aren’t looking for anything serious.
Don’t read too much into it.
They’re not playing hard to get. They’re not orchestrating some strange mind game you’re not privy to.
If they just want to have fun, it’s going to be extremely hard to get them to commit. What’s more, you deserve someone who wants to be with you, not someone who treats you as a maybe.
2) They often postpone or cancel plans
Okay, here comes sign number two!
If your partner has a habit of canceling plans or changing the date and time, you’re clearly not a priority.
“But they’re so busy!” you might say.
“Busy” is a relative concept. We all have the same amount of time in a day, and if you can make time for them with all your other responsibilities going on, how come they can’t return the favor?
If someone’s busy, it’s important to ask yourself what they’re busy *with*. Because those are the things that take priority over you.
There are doctors out there who call their wives after four-hour-long surgeries. Soldiers who write letters from the warzone. Businessmen who take their partners out for a weekly dinner.
My dad recently told me, “Time is the most precious thing you can give somebody. And if someone wants to give you that gift, they will.”
Sometimes, it’s as simple as that.
3) They speak in “I” and “you” terms
One of the most wonderful things about a romantic relationship is the sense of togetherness that you cultivate together.
As time goes on, two separate entities grow attached to each other and form a unit. You become a team. And you are stronger for it.
Without even realizing it, you start speaking in “we” terms.
“We’ll find a way, don’t worry.”
“What if we go on a holiday to France in June?”
“You seem down, let’s get you some chocolate.”
Someone who isn’t taking the relationship seriously is more likely to avoid this kind of language and continue using “I” and “you”.
“You’ll find a way.”
“I’m thinking of going to France in June.”
“You seem down, how about you get yourself some chocolate?”
This shows they’re still thinking of themselves as someone detached from you. They’re going it solo, not as part of a team.
4) They make major decisions without consulting you
The side-effect of thinking in “I” and “you” terms is that your partner doesn’t involve you in important decision-making processes.
“Should I accept the promotion or focus on my side hustle instead?”
Keep walking because you’re clearly not the one they’re asking. If they want advice, they are more likely to ask their friends, parents, or no one at all.
A committed partner understands that almost any decision they make has an impact on their significant other, so they always ask them for some input.
5) They’re glued to their phone when you’re together
I once heard that love is friendship set on fire, and I couldn’t agree more.
When you make a new friend, it’s most likely the intellectual and spiritual connection that binds you together. And since there’s no physical attraction thrown into the mix, it’s pretty easy to determine who’s on the same wavelength as you.
Romance is a bit more complicated because sexual chemistry can easily overshadow a lack of connection.
Is your partner on their phone a lot when you’re together?
If your answer’s yes, it might mean that they’re not as interested in getting to know you on a friendship level. They find their phone more fascinating than what’s right in front of them.
Just imagine going out with a friend and seeing them look at their phone every five minutes. You’d probably feel like they’re not taking the interaction seriously.
Well, the same rule applies to romantic partners, too.
6) They don’t ask you any questions
On a similar note, a partner who shows no genuine interest in who you are as a person is probably not that into you.
Don’t get me wrong, they might care about your well-being and happiness. They might feel good in your presence. They might even spend quite a lot of time with you.
But it’s the quality of that time you give each other that matters.
If the person who’s meant to be the love of your life never asks you about your day or the passion project you’re working on, are they really serious about you? Or are they just comfortable in the relationship and too scared to break things off?
When someone takes you seriously, they want to know about everything that’s going on in your life.
7) They are hesitant to introduce you to their family and friends
If you’ve been together for a year and you still haven’t met their family and friends, it’s a big sign that your partner isn’t ready to solidify your relationship.
Of course, everyone’s circumstances differ. Your partner may be on bad terms with their family or only have friends who live far away, for example.
However, most people in committed relationships are okay with welcoming their romantic partner into other important parts of their lives – including family and friends.
Therapist and relationship expert Rachel Sussman has told Moneyish that it’s normal to introduce your partner to your parents after four or five months.
8) They take things super slowly
You’ve been together for three years, but there’s still no talk of moving in together or getting married. In fact, your partner prefers to avoid these topics or makes promises that they never actually plan to execute in reality.
Look, everyone’s relationship has its own timeline. Some people move in together after half a year of dating while others take their sweet time before they progress further.
However, you’ve got to be on the same page. If you’re ready for serious commitment and your partner keeps stalling, you may not be a great match at this point in time.
If they keep pushing all major commitments into the abstract land of “sometime in the future”, they may be too scared to move forward, be it because they’re not ready to commit in general or because they’re unsure about the relationship itself.
9) They make empty promises
“Next year, we’ll go on a holiday together.” The next year rolls around and the holiday never comes.
“I promise I’ll work on this behavior to make sure you’re happy in this relationship.” They try for one week and then slip back into their old habits.
Empty promises can lead to the death of a relationship because they decrease a sense of respect and trust over time.
What’s more, they also signal that your significant other isn’t taking you as seriously as they should. After all, if the relationship was as important to them as they say, they would do anything in their power to work on any issues that come up.
A partner who is truly committed to you will always try to ensure your relationship is thriving. They will put in the effort. They will choose you every day.
And if their behavior suggests otherwise…maybe it’s time for you to choose yourself.