Denisa Cerna
Dating someone who inspires you and lights up your day is an amazing feeling.
But do you know what’s even better?
Being in a relationship with a genuinely good person. When your partner’s heart is in the right place, you will always feel safe in their hands – no matter what happens.
But how can you tell if your partner’s truly kind?
Let’s find out!
1) They always ask to hear your side of the story
Genuinely good people care about others. That much is clear.
This care translates into some wonderful actions within the relationship, such as always asking to hear how you feel about things, be it something mundane (would you prefer we order take away or go out?) or something important (how has my behavior made you feel?).
You’re never left outside in the blizzard, unsure of whether anyone can hear you scream. Your partner is the light guiding you home, promising to warm your feet.
They won’t criticize. They won’t judge. They will ask and listen empathetically, validating your emotions.
There’s no better feeling than being heard and understood.
2) They support your goals – even if it means compromise on their end
When I left for my study year abroad in Germany, my partner rooted for me throughout it all.
When he left to go work at sea later on, I cheered for him, too – even if it meant I couldn’t see him for half a year, in which time we had about five phone calls.
(It wasn’t…great.)
True love is about wishing your partner nothing but the best, even if it means sacrificing your own comfort.
I would never want my partner to stagnate in life or give up on his dreams just because I want him home.
Of course, our situation is a bit extreme. Your partner won’t always have to move away for months on end. But even the little things matter.
The easiest way to get to know someone’s character is to place them in an uncomfortable situation and watch them act. Do they still have your best interest at heart? Or do their own needs come first?
That’s how you can tell if you’re dating a genuinely good person.
3) They care about the world around them
Selfishness is useful to a point. We can’t go through life spending all our energy on pleasing others – sometimes, you’ve just got to prioritize yourself.
But this is where balance comes in.
A partner who’s genuinely kind is loving toward themselves as well as the world around them. They might care about a certain cause, they might volunteer at an animal charity, or they might spend plenty of time with their younger siblings – whatever it is, there is something or someone they deeply care about.
And they don’t mind going outside their comfort zone to make the world a better place.
For them, it’s a small price to pay.
4) They try their best to make you feel welcome and safe
Obviously, the circle of people they care about ought to include you. But a partner who’s a genuinely good person doesn’t just tell you they love you.
No, they go the extra mile. They put the effort in.
Be it tidying their apartment before you come over, cooking you a nice dinner, or just asking you how your day was, they aspire to make you feel like their company is a safe place to rest your tired soul.
Like it’s okay to sit back and relax because they’ve got your back. They will take care of you.
If your partner is your happy place, it’s a sign they are a genuinely good person.
5) They use your love language to express affection
The best way to make someone feel safe and on top of the world?
Learn their love language and use it regularly.
One of my favorite things about genuinely good people is that they take the time to properly get to know you. For them, it’s not about the superficial. No, they want to know exactly what it is that makes you happy, and they don’t hesitate to get their hands on any guidebook you offer them.
Enter…love languages. You might be a sucker for words of affirmation, adore quality time, or melt in your partner’s arms because you love physical touch so much.
Whatever it may be, your partner asks. They read up on it. And then they take active steps to make you feel loved and cherished in the best way they know how.
6) They always consider your feelings before making any major decision
A truly kind partner always takes your emotions into consideration.
How would you feel if they did X and Y? What’s your opinion on this new opportunity that’s propped up in their life?
You’re not just an outsider looking at them live their life. Instead, you’re a vital part of the decision-making process.
Someone whose heart is open and warm would do anything to keep you out of harm’s way – especially when it comes to their own life decisions.
Therefore, they consult you about everything and anything that concerns the relationship.
7) They keep their promises
If they promise to take a certain action after you’ve discussed things through, they don’t go back on their word.
A good person is someone you can rely on. It’s someone who understands the power that words carry and who is considerate enough to fulfill all promises they’ve spoken into existence.
They don’t want to disappoint you, hurt you, or upset you. They don’t want to make you feel like you can’t lean on them. They don’t want to dysregulate your attachment system.
To sum it up, they only want the best for you. And so they keep their word.
8) They respect your boundaries no matter what
Another way to demonstrate stability and reliability is never to push someone’s boundaries. Genuinely good people understand this intuitively.
The last thing they want is to make you feel threatened or scared.
If you say stop, they stop. If you say no, they respect your decision. If you set down some ground rules, they follow them.
In a relationship, respect is everything.
9) They’re gently honest
Respect includes honesty. But instead of priding themselves on “brutal honesty” that’s often nothing more than cruelty in disguise, a kind partner is honest in a gentle, respectful manner.
They don’t shout or put you down. They offer constructive feedback.
They hug you, letting you know they still love you very much – there’s just something they’d like to work on with you. That’s all.
When you’re in a relationship with a genuinely good person, you never feel attacked. They speak in a calm tone, expressing their feelings in the least hurtful – yet honest – way they can think of.
And if the roles switch and you’re the one giving feedback…
10) They know how to sincerely apologize
Kindness usually goes hand in hand with humility. A partner who’s willing to admit they’ve made a mistake and sincerely apologize for it is a partner who isn’t too hung up on their image or ego.
They aren’t interested in playing games or saving face. If they’ve hurt you, they will apologize and do everything in their power to fix things.
A partner who’s a genuinely good person is someone you can forgive because you know their intentions are never malicious.
They never mean you harm. And in its own way, that’s the greatest promise of love anyone can ever give you – to care for your well-being first and foremost, no matter what happens.
To respect you and let you go if need be.
To wish you nothing but happiness.
