Marcel Deer
Relationships are supposed to be balanced and equal partnerships, aren’t they?
Then why is it that we so often feel like things are completely out of balance and one of us (you know who) isn’t holding up their side of the bargain?
The unhappy reality is that some relationships are not at all what they’re supposed to be but instead are made up of one partner using the other.
And if you’re here reading an article titled “If your partner displays these 9 behaviors, they’re taking advantage of you,” then you must have suspicions that you’re in one.
Bad news.
But before you go off half-cocked, check if these behaviors ring true in your relationship.
If they do, I’m sorry to say, but it’s probably time to get out while the getting’s good!
1) Your partner wants sex but no intimacy.
There are lots of reasons why you might be feeling used in your relationship, and one of the biggest ones is sex.
There’s a huge stereotype out there – you know, that guys only want one thing.
But the truth is, it doesn’t matter who it is. Anyone can use a partner for sex.
On the one hand, you could be proud that you’re so talented in the boudoir (that’s French for bedroom – see, I’m sexy, too!) that this attracts someone to you.
But most people are looking for something more than that. If you’re going to really have a relationship, then most people want it to have both sex and emotional intimacy as well.
So, if you’re only getting one from your partner, then you may not be getting what you need.
And if the sex is all that they’re interested in, they’re probably just taking advantage of you.
2) They let you pay for everything.
If it’s not sex, then it could be money that a partner might be using you for. Well, it could also be both.
I certainly don’t have any great accounts of being used for my money, probably on account of having meager accounts.
But even still, I’ve seen plenty of examples with others. We all have, I’m sure.
You know exactly what I mean. One partner seems to always be paying for everything while the other doesn’t even bother making the token gesture of reaching for their wallet anymore.
Now, in some relationships, this is all out in the open. One partner may have way more money and insists on paying. In other relationships, one person is given control of the purse strings, and both accept this.
But if you think you don’t have an arrangement like this but you’re always the one paying, it may be by design.
Your partner could be taking advantage of your generosity and using you for your money.
3) Your partner seems to have one foot out the door.
One of the biggest signs that your partner is taking advantage of you is not being invested in the relationship, emotionally or otherwise.
I was in a relationship once where the other person, who will remain nameless (See Rachel? I’m totally over it! Oh. Oops.), quite literally never even unpacked her bags.
She moved in with me after about six months and brought all her stuff, but most of it stayed in boxes in the closet.
And when she left, she managed to clear everything out in two hours while I was at the gym.
Emotionally, she also had one foot out the door the whole time. She was closed off, giving her career way more time than our relationship, and never really committing herself.
I think that more than anything, she was just taking advantage of me as a filler. It was as though she didn’t want to be alone, so I was the relationship between her ex and her next real thing.
Trust me, it was not a nice place to be.
4) Your partner won’t introduce you to their friends and family.
There are lots of reasons why your partner keeps you out of their social circles, and some could be good.
They might want to change their lives or keep you away from negative people. They might just be taking it slow.
But they could also be taking advantage of you and don’t want the people close to them to know about it.
Think about it.
Who knows them better than their friends and family? Who’s going to see through a fake relationship better than anyone and possibly even warn you about it?
And if you ever happen to run into these people, do they seem awkward or distant?
That’s another sign that there is something not quite right going on, and they already know it.
5) You’re only able to meet on their terms.
This behavior is related to the last one and is a pretty good sign that your partner isn’t committed to things.
Deciding when and where to meet should be a shared activity, so why is it that your partner is always the one who sets the terms?
Could it be that they are, in fact, trying to keep you hidden?
If so, chances are it’s because they don’t want to be seen with you by their close friends or their family, those people who would know if things are fake in your relationship.
6) They want to be seen with you.
But on the other hand, your partner could be doing the opposite.
They might be posting pictures with you as often as possible and inviting you out to social occasions where you can easily be seen together.
Now, taken by itself, this isn’t exactly a warning sign. They might just be really happy and proud of you.
But if you’ve picked up on some of the other behaviors in this list, plus you have something they need socially, then they could be using you.
I’m talking about if you’re rich, popular, or your family name opens doors. Or you’re just smoking hot.
Your partner might be taking advantage of you to boost their own social stats rather than actually caring about you.
7) They let you do an unfair amount of your shared work.
It’s important to remember that fair doesn’t necessarily mean equal.
Your partner might work much longer hours, and so you do more of the housework, for example.
That can still be fair, especially if it’s all agreed upon.
But if you find that you’re doing a lot more than your fair share, and they see it but don’t seem to mind, then they’re probably taking advantage of you.
I used to have a housemate who was an incomparable slob. He seriously never lifted a finger to clean anything, but he sure seemed to make an effort to make the house a mess.
So when he had a girlfriend, she’d almost always end up cleaning things up for him, I think, just to make the place habitable.
He had a string of them, and they all always did the cleaning. Was he taking advantage? I think so, though I have to admit that at the time, I guess I was, too!
8) Your partner doesn’t listen to you.
This goes back to the pillars of a strong relationship, things like respect, trust, honesty, compassion, and communication.
So why is it that your partner is always the one talking, and you’re always the one listening?
That’s communication, but not healthy two-way communication where you can both express yourselves freely.
If your partner is always using you as a sounding board but never wants to hear your opinions or listen to your concerns, then something is wrong.
This imbalance can be a sign that they’re taking advantage of having you as someone to unpack their baggage with or to simply bounce the sound of their own voice off of.
9) Their affection is conditional.
I think this is one of the biggest signs of an unbalanced relationship that there is.
What do I mean by their affection is conditional?
I mean that they’re totally inconsistent in giving affection, and they think of it in transactional terms.
In normal, caring relationships, people show each other affection often as long as they are feeling happy, anyway.
But conditional affection is when they’re only affectionate when they want something. It’s like they can swap being nice or romantic for a favor or even for material things.
This is a sure sign that they’re taking advantage of you for what you have or what you can give them and shows that they’re insincere.
If your partner displays any or all of these nine behaviors, they could very well be taking advantage of you rather than being sincere in your relationship.
And I know this is not a nice pace to find yourself, but hopefully, by recognizing it, you can get yourself out of a toxic relationship and stop being used.
