If you were raised in a dysfunctional family, it’s time to let go of these 7 beliefs

So you were raised in a a dysfunctional family?

Welcome to the club.

Did you know life in a dysfunctional family can often lead to ingrained beliefs that do more harm than good?

You might have taken on board certain thought patterns that are doing you no favors.

We’re talking about beliefs that hold you back, that trip you up when you’re trying to move forward.

In this article, we will identify 7 such beliefs that it’s time to shake off.

1) “Dysfunction is normal”

The first belief to let go of, if you were raised in a dysfunctional family, is that “dysfunction is normal”.

This belief can be deeply ingrained. When you grow up surrounded by chaos or toxicity, it’s easy to assume that this is just how things are. That all families operate this way.

Reality check: they don’t.

There’s a whole world of healthy relationships and functional families out there. It’s not about being perfect – no family is – but it’s about understanding and accepting that dysfunction is not the norm.

Holding onto this belief can lead to repeating harmful patterns in your own relationships.

Letting go of this belief is the first step towards healthier interactions and emotional wellbeing. It allows you to set boundaries and expectations that align with what a functional relationship should look like.

Acknowledge, what you grew up with may have shaped you, but it doesn’t define you.

2) “I have to fix everything”

If you’re anything like me, growing up in a chaotic environment meant constantly being in problem-solving mode. For years, I held onto the belief that “I have to fix everything”.

I found myself taking on the role of the “fixer” – the one who felt responsible for resolving all conflicts, repairing damaged relationships, and smoothing over all rough edges. It was exhausting and completely unrealistic.

Here’s the thing I learned: It’s not my job to fix everything. And it’s not yours either.

Sure, it’s important to take responsibility for our actions and work towards resolving our own issues. But you can’t carry the weight of fixing everyone else’s problems. You can’t mend every relationship. You can’t control everything.

Releasing this belief is liberating. It allows you to focus on your own growth and leaves room for others to take responsibility for their actions and behaviors.

3) “Showing emotions is a sign of weakness”

In some dysfunctional families, showing emotions might have been discouraged or even punished. This can lead to a belief that “showing emotions is a sign of weakness”.

However, contrary to this belief, research in the field of psychology has consistently shown that expressing and dealing with emotions is actually a sign of strength and resilience.

It’s proven that recognizing and validating our feelings can lead to better mental health, improved relationships, and overall emotional wellbeing.

So, rather than bottling up your feelings, it’s important to learn how to express them appropriately. Emotional literacy is a key skill that can help you navigate life in a healthier way.

Understand, it’s not just okay to feel – it’s essential.

4) “I’m not worthy of love”

This one’s a tough one, but it’s crucial to confront. Growing up in a dysfunctional family may lead you to believe that “I’m not worthy of love”.

It’s easy to internalize the negative messages or actions from those around you, especially when it comes from family. This can lead to feelings of unworthiness that persist into adulthood.

The truth is: You are worthy of love and respect, just as you are.

Your worth is not defined by the actions or neglect of others. It’s not contingent on fulfilling certain conditions or meeting impossible standards.

You deserve to be loved and respected for who you are – flaws, quirks, and all. Letting go of this belief can open doors to healthier relationships and self-acceptance.

5) “I must avoid conflict at all costs”

Growing up, our home felt like a battlefield. Raised voices and hurtful words were the norm, not the exception. So, I learned to become a peacekeeper. “I must avoid conflict at all costs” became my mantra.

But this belief turned me into a people pleaser, always bending over backwards to keep the peace, often at my own expense.

Over time, I realized that conflict is not inherently bad. In fact, when handled correctly, it can lead to growth, understanding and improved relationships.

Avoiding conflict means suppressing feelings and ignoring issues, which can lead to resentment and further dysfunction.

Embracing healthy conflict means expressing your feelings and needs assertively, not aggressively. It means listening to others’ perspectives and working towards a resolution that respects everyone involved.

The key here is to replace fear of conflict with the skills to navigate it healthily.

6) “I’m destined to repeat the past”

It’s not uncommon for those raised in dysfunctional families to feel that they are destined to repeat the same patterns of behavior. The belief that “I’m destined to repeat the past” can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This belief can keep you stuck, unable to break free from unhealthy patterns and create a different life for yourself.

But here’s the reality: Your past does not dictate your future.

Even if you’ve seen or experienced certain behaviors growing up, it doesn’t mean you’re bound to repeat them. We all have the ability to learn, grow, and change.

It might take some work, including therapy or counselling, but you can break the cycle. You can make different choices and build healthier relationships.

Hold onto hope and believe in your ability to change your future. You are not destined to repeat the past.

7) “I’m alone in this”

Perhaps the most destructive belief from growing up in a dysfunctional family is feeling that “I’m alone in this”.

This can make you feel isolated, as though you’re the only one who’s experienced what you’ve been through.

Here’s the most important thing to remember: You are not alone.

There are millions of others who have had similar experiences, and there are countless resources, support groups, and professionals who can help.

Reaching out can be scary, but it’s also the first step towards healing. You don’t have to face this journey alone. There is help available, and it’s okay to accept it.

It’s a journey

According to renowned psychotherapist Virginia Satir, “We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.”

This perspective serves as a poignant reminder that our past and others’ actions should not dictate our self-worth or future.

Whether you’re at the start of your journey or well on your way, always remember that change is possible. You have the power to redefine your beliefs and perceptions.

The journey towards healing and self-discovery is not easy, but it is undoubtedly worth it. Your past experiences may have shaped you, but they don’t define you.

You are in control of your narrative. And with every belief you shed, you’re one step closer to your truest self.