Marcel Deer
Have you got your partner’s back 100%?
That’s great if you do.
It means that you treat your relationship as a true partnership with unwavering commitment and total solidarity.
You support them and accept them in all that they do, whether they succeed or fail.
At least, that’s how you feel.
But remember that there’s another side of the coin, and your partner needs to feel this as well.
So, even if you do fully support them, they still need to understand that this is how you feel and accept that it’s true.
And if you haven’t got yourself behind them 100%, there are some changes you can make, both small and large, that can show them you mean business.
You may be holding on to some behaviors that leave them thinking otherwise, but these can be changed.
If you want your partner to feel like you’re always there for them, say goodbye to these eight habits and start showing them they have your undying support.
1) Lying
Stop lying. Seriously.
I know this can be hard if it’s an ingrained habit.
You may have been fibbing your whole life as a way to protect yourself or to keep from hurting other people’s feelings.
But this is no way to support your partner.
Honesty isn’t always the best policy, except with someone whose trust you want to hold in its entirety.
So the next time your partner asks, “Do I look fat in this?” or “How did you like that dinner I cooked?” find a way to tell the truth so that it’s constructive and not hurtful.
You might go for the shit sandwich technique, slipping a criticism in between two fat slices of positivity.
Something like, “You know I always love the way you look. But that outfit doesn’t capture you. Your black jeans make you look way hotter,” can work.
But just be truthful and show them that you can think about their feelings without having to resort to telling lies.
And avoid lying to them for no reason at all.
If you’re lying, even about little things, it means you’re scared of them finding out the truth, and that shows that you don’t trust them to treat you respectfully, either.
2) Grumbling
Complaining is very easy to do and very hard to stop.
I admit it – I can be a bit of a moaner.
With home life, the state of our place, work, food, whatever – I can always see something wrong if I look hard enough.
Often, I don’t have to look too hard at all.
But there’s little point in complaining about things that you can’t or won’t change, and the latter half of that is the most important.
It’s raining today, for example. Should I complain about the weather? I can’t do anything to stop it.
The kitchen is a mess, too. Should I complain?
Well, it’s not really my fault because I only used it to make a bowl of cereal.
Maybe I should go complain to my partner and tell her I’m disappointed in her level of neatness.
But wait, didn’t she have that important meeting today that she was really stressed about? Didn’t she rush out the door early?
If I think about the reasons and have compassion for her, I realize that complaining is the absolute wrong thing to do.
Instead, I can just go clean the kitchen later and play video games for a few minutes less.
When she comes home, she’ll find the kitchen clean and understand that I helped out by cleaning when she was too busy.
And that’s the power of not griping but just sucking it up!
3) Taking them for granted
When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, things can start to feel quite comfortable.
You know, like an old pair of sweatpants.
But I dare you to take that to your partner and see how much they appreciate the comparison.
Nope?
Good call!
The truth is that you should be able to feel very comfortable in your relationship.
That’s a good thing.
But being bored, complacent, or uninterested isn’t.
So, if you start to notice that feeling creeping in that you’re too comfortable, you might be taking your partner for granted.
But there are ways to stop this.
When you realize that this may be what you’re doing, you can focus more attention on what they do for you.
Be more vocally appreciative and express your gratitude for what they do and who they are.
Take special time to shower them with attention.
You’ll hopefully find that this helps them feel appreciated and supported, and it might just kindle other fires as well.
4) Not paying attention to their needs
Absentmindedly disregarding your partner’s needs is a pretty easy thing to do.
Imagine a simple situation like watching a movie together and eating popcorn.
You get up to grab a drink to help move that dry snack down your throat but you don’t even think to ask your partner if they want one, let alone ask.
Of course, this is a simple example, but your partner’s needs run a lot deeper than having their thirst quenched.
They have emotional, sexual, personal, and professional needs that they’re trying to meet.
But if you’re not really paying attention to these needs, guess what?
Your partner isn’t going to feel supported.
5) Going under the radar
Turning off your phone or leaving it at home is a big no-no if you want your partner to feel like you’re always there for them.
How can they if they can’t contact you!?
Now, I know there are going to be reading this – maybe you’re one of them – who hate carrying a phone and almost never do.
If this is your situation, fine. That’s the way you are, and that’s what you feel comfortable with.
Your partner is going to need to accept that about you.
But if you normally have your phone in your hand even when you’re sleeping and then once in a while you go totally dark, this is not a good sign.
Unless you genuinely forgot it or talked to your partner about wanting to take a bit of a digital detox, they’re going to feel like something sneaky is going on.
Whether it is or not, this isn’t going to instill confidence in you.
So if you want your partner to feel supported and valued – and to trust you – don’t try this one at home.
6) Breaking promises
Flaking out, changing plans, or simply breaking promises directly are all really bad habits that don’t instill confidence either.
What these actions say to your partner is, “Your feelings aren’t a priority for me.”
Ouch, right?
Look, we all need to have priorities in life, and sometimes opportunities come along, and you need to change plans.
Nothing wrong with that.
Last week, I was out working and had planned to come home and make dinner for myself and my partner.
But out of the blue, I got a call from a friend I hadn’t seen in three years who was in town for one night only.
Well, I called and told my partner and asked if I could break our plans.
She didn’t mind at all because I do this once in a blue moon.
But imagine I was doing it every few days – making plans or promising to do things and then switching up and not following through.
If you guessed that it would make her feel like chopped liver, you’re right!
7) Not truly listening
There are times when we all only half-listen when someone else is talking.
It may be during a lecture or a work meeting, but if it’s with your partner, I suggest that you break this habit fast.
Start to take notice of where your attention is and focus it on them.
If you can’t do that right away, like when you’re in the middle of something that demands some concentration, you can tell them, “I’m distracted right now, but I want to give you my full attention, so please give me a minute to sort this out.”
Above all, put down your phone when your partner is talking to you.
Trust me on this one!
8) Not offering support
If you really want your partner to feel like they can depend on you no matter what, make it clear.
Don’t leave things up to the imagination.
You can actively offer them support to let them know you’re in it 100%.
That way, your words and actions will be in perfect alignment and they’re going to know they can truly depend on you.
Final thoughts
If you want your partner to feel like you’re always there for them, say goodbye to these eight bad habits that are holding you back from relationship success.
Before you know it, your partner will know you’re absolutely on the same team, and you’ll be reveling in relationship bliss.
