If you want your partner to consistently feel safe with you, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to make your partner feel safe?

Not just physically, but emotionally—a kind of safety that builds trust, deepens love, and creates a bond that feels unshakable.

It’s the kind of connection where they know, without a doubt, that you’re a source of comfort, not conflict.

But here’s the thing: even with the best intentions, certain behaviors can quietly chip away at that sense of security. You might not even realize you’re doing them.

The good news?

Once you identify these habits, you can replace them with actions that nurture trust and strengthen your relationship.

In this article, we’ll uncover 8 behaviors that might be keeping you from creating the safe space your partner deserves—and how letting them go can transform your connection into something deeper and more fulfilling. 

1) Unpredictability

In relationships, unpredictability can be a slow poison.

We all love a pleasant surprise, right?

But when it comes to our behavior, erratic swings can leave our partner feeling on edge.

Imagine if you never know how your partner will react to a situation. One day they’re calm and understanding, the next they explode with anger.

This kind of unpredictability can seriously undermine a sense of safety.

In my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve seen how consistency in behavior can significantly enhance feelings of security.

So if you’re one to have unpredictable mood swings or reactions, it’s time to work on that. It’s not about being perfect but about striving for consistency.

Clear communication and predictable reactions can create an environment where they feel safe and secure. 

2) Dishonesty

As an old saying goes, “Honesty is the best policy.”

This couldn’t be more true when it comes to relationships. If you want your partner to consistently feel safe with you, dishonesty has no place in your relationship.

I’m sure, like me, you’ve heard countless stories about how lies have destroyed relationships. Even seemingly small ones can lead to mistrust and insecurity.

There’s no problem so great that it justifies dishonesty. It’s better to face an issue together honestly than to cover it up with lies.

Honesty might not always be easy, but it’s the strongest foundation for a secure relationship.

3) Codependency

Codependency can be one of the biggest challenges to achieving a secure relationship.

It’s a state where you’re so emotionally reliant on your partner that it affects your wellbeing and relationship health.

Practicing self-care and maintaining individuality while being part of a couple is vital.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this topic in detail.

I understand it’s not easy to break free from codependency. I’ve worked with many couples who struggle with this issue.

However, once you start to focus on your personal growth alongside your relationship growth, you’ll notice a significant shift in how safe and secure you both feel.

4) Overprotectiveness

Contrary to what you might think, being overly protective doesn’t always make your partner feel safe.

In fact, it can often do the opposite.

While it’s natural to want to shield those we love from harm or discomfort, overprotectiveness can send a message that you don’t trust your partner’s ability to handle situations on their own.

This can lead to feelings of being smothered, controlled, or even infantilized. It’s not a recipe for safety and security but for resentment and discomfort.

I know this is counterintuitive. We often equate protection with care and love.

However, in a healthy relationship, trust and respect for your partner’s autonomy are just as important.

So if you find yourself being overprotective, it’s time to take a step back. Let your partner know that you trust them and their decisions. 

5) Criticism

We all have our quirks and flaws, and it’s perfectly fine to point them out in a constructive manner.

But there’s a thin line between constructive feedback and constant criticism.

In my personal relationships and through my work with couples, I’ve found that persistent criticism can lead to a partner feeling unsafe and undervalued. It chips away at their self-esteem and can create a tense atmosphere.

The key is to focus on the issue at hand, not the person. It’s about saying, “I have an issue with this action,” rather than “I have an issue with you.”

Replacing criticism with understanding can work wonders in creating a safe space for your partner.

6) Emotional unavailability

This one’s tough to admit, but it’s crucial.

Emotional unavailability can be a major roadblock in building a sense of safety in a relationship.

Being emotionally unavailable means not being open or expressive about your feelings. It can leave your partner feeling isolated and unsure about where they stand with you.

We all have moments when we need to retreat and take care of ourselves. But if this becomes a pattern, it can create a wall between you and your partner.

I’ve seen relationships crumble because one person was unwilling or unable to express their feelings. It’s painful and heartbreaking.

Learning to open up and share your emotions can build a safe haven for your partner in the relationship.

7) Lack of apologies

One of the toughest things in a relationship can be admitting when you’re wrong and saying sorry.

Believe me, I understand. It’s something I’ve had to work on myself.

An apology shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and are willing to make amends. It’s a powerful tool in healing and building trust.

We all make mistakes; what matters is that we learn from them and seek forgiveness.

8) Neglecting self-care

This may seem like it’s about you more than your partner, but it’s equally important.

Neglecting self-care can indirectly affect your partner’s sense of safety in your relationship.

When we don’t take care of ourselves, whether it’s physically, emotionally, or mentally, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and irritability.

These feelings can easily spill over into our relationships, creating an environment that doesn’t feel safe.

If you’re constantly tired, stressed, or run-down, you’re not bringing your best self to the relationship.

And that’s not fair to either of you.

It’s tough to admit that we might be neglecting ourselves. But remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential.

And when we take care of ourselves, we’re better equipped to care for others.

Conclusion

Creating a safe space in a relationship involves checking in with our behaviors and letting go of those that undermine trust and security.

It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely worth it. The safety and security of your partner is the foundation upon which love can truly thrive.

If you’re struggling with codependency or any other issues mentioned here, my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship could be a useful guide.

Remember, we’re all works in progress.

With a little bit of effort, we can create relationships that are safe, secure, and full of love.