If you want your marriage to thrive in retirement, say goodbye to these 7 habits

Retirement can be a golden period of your life, but it can also bring new challenges to your marriage.

Sometimes, it’s the habits we’ve built over the years that can turn these golden years sour. Certain behaviors, which may have been harmless during your working days, can become destructive when you’re spending more time with your spouse in retirement.

So, if you want your marriage to flourish in retirement, it’s time to say goodbye to these 7 habits. This isn’t about pointing fingers or blaming each other. It’s about identifying what could potentially harm the relationship and taking steps to change for the better.

In this article, I’ll walk you through these habits, and hopefully help set your marriage up for a blissful retirement.

1) Expecting your partner to fill all your free time

Retirement brings a lot of free time and it can be tempting to expect your spouse to fill every moment of it. This is a common pitfall that many couples fall into after retiring.

You see, during our working years, we’re used to having our own space, our own routines. Suddenly, post-retirement, you find yourself with your spouse 24/7, and the dynamic changes.

It’s important to remember that both of you are individuals with unique interests and hobbies. Expecting your partner to be your sole source of entertainment can create unnecessary pressure and lead to resentment.

Instead, balance your time together with individual activities. This creates a healthier dynamic where both of you get time for self-exploration while also cherishing the moments spent together.

It’s not about spending every waking moment together but about making the moments you do spend together truly count.

2) Ignoring the importance of communication

Communication, I’ve found, is the lifeblood of any relationship, especially in retirement.

Let me share a little bit from my own life. My husband and I always considered ourselves good communicators. But when we retired, we found ourselves bickering over small things – who will do the dishes, what movie to watch, or even where to go for a walk.

It took us a while to realize that our communication had taken a hit. We were spending so much time together that we started assuming what the other person was thinking or feeling.

So, we decided to actively work on our communication. Every day, over a cup of coffee in the morning, we would discuss our plans for the day, our feelings, and any issues we were facing.

This simple daily ritual made all the difference. It cleared misunderstandings and brought us closer. We were back to being the great communicators we once were.

From my experience, I can say that open and clear communication is crucial for a thriving marriage in retirement. Don’t assume what your partner is thinking; ask them! And most importantly, listen when they share their thoughts with you.

3) Neglecting your health

As we age, maintaining our health becomes more important than ever. However, it’s also a time when some of us tend to let our health slide. This can have a significant impact on our relationships.

Research shows that health issues can lead to increased stress and tension in a relationship. It’s not just about the physical discomfort or limitations that come with ill health. It’s also about the emotional strain that it can put on both partners.

Being proactive about your health is one of the most loving things you can do for your spouse in retirement. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and regular check-ups are not just good for you; they’re good for your marriage too.

4) Letting money matters create tension

Financial stress can be a major relationship killer, especially during retirement when income sources may be limited.

It’s easy for unaddressed financial issues to spark arguments and breed resentment. It’s why it’s crucial to have open and honest discussions about money. Discuss your budget, your spending habits, your savings, and how you plan to manage finances in your retirement years.

It’s not about who’s right or wrong; it’s about finding a middle ground that works for both of you. When you work together as a team, financial challenges become much easier to handle.

Don’t let money matters create unnecessary tension in your marriage. Address them head-on and find solutions together.

5) Forgetting to appreciate each other

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to take our partners for granted. I remember a time when I was guilty of this myself. My wife would do little things for me – she would make my favorite breakfast, keep my reading glasses handy, or simply give me a hug when I seemed stressed.

I enjoyed these gestures, but I rarely acknowledged them. It wasn’t until one day when my wife seemed unusually quiet that I realized I hadn’t been appreciating her enough. That’s when I decided to make a conscious effort to notice and acknowledge the things she does for me.

It’s surprising how such a small change can make a big difference. Not only did it make her feel valued, but it also made me more aware of the love and care she puts into our relationship.

As you step into retirement, remember to appreciate each other. Small words of gratitude can go a long way in keeping the love alive in your marriage.

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

Retirement is a significant life change, and it can bring up some difficult conversations. Be it discussing health issues, financial planning, or even fears and anxieties about aging – these are not easy topics to talk about.

However, avoiding these conversations can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements down the line. It’s important to face these issues head-on and have open, honest discussions about them.

These conversations may be uncomfortable, but they are crucial for maintaining a strong bond with your partner. By facing these challenges together, you strengthen your relationship and make your retirement years more harmonious and fulfilling.

7) Failing to adapt and grow together

Retirement is a new phase of life, and it comes with its own set of challenges and opportunities. The key to thriving in this phase is to be willing to adapt and grow together.

Just like you evolved and adapted at various stages of life – be it parenthood, career changes, or personal growth – retirement is no different. It’s not just about growing old together; it’s about growing together.

This might mean developing new hobbies, exploring new places, or simply changing your daily routines. Embrace the change, keep an open mind, and remember, the goal is to enjoy this new phase of life together.

Final thoughts: It’s about growth and understanding

The journey of marriage, especially as we transition into retirement, is deeply intertwined with our capacity to adapt, communicate, and understand each other.

We often hear that successful marriages are built on love, trust, and respect. But it’s equally important to realize that these elements are not stagnant. They evolve as we do, reflecting our changing circumstances, attitudes, and experiences.

A quote by renowned philosopher and author, Alain de Botton, encapsulates this beautifully. He said, “Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm”. This skill involves being able to navigate through changes together, to learn and unlearn habits as life unfolds.

So as you step into your retirement years, remember that it’s an opportunity to grow together in new ways. It’s a chance to strengthen your bond by saying goodbye to habits that no longer serve you and embracing those that foster a deeper connection.

And ultimately, it’s about cherishing the love that has weathered the ups and downs of life and continues to thrive in the golden years of retirement.