If you want to maintain a close bond with your child as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

As a relationship expert and a mom, I’ve learned a thing or two about the delicate dance of maintaining a close bond with your child as they grow older. It’s an art form, really, and it involves some significant changes in our behaviors.

You see, there are certain behaviors that can push our children away as they age. These are habits we might not even realize we’re doing, but they can significantly affect the strength of our parent-child relationship.

In this article, I’m going to share with you seven of these behaviors. By bidding goodbye to these habits, you’d be surprised how much stronger your bond with your child can become.

Ready to delve in? Let’s get started.

1) Overprotectiveness

As parents, it’s in our nature to want to protect our children. We want to shield them from harm, from heartbreak, from all the unpleasant experiences life throws their way. And while this is a noble intention, it can sometimes turn into overprotectiveness.

Overprotectiveness can become a barrier in maintaining a close bond with your child as they grow older. It can make them feel suffocated, restricted, and may lead to resentment over time.

Growing up involves making mistakes and learning from them. If we step in every time to prevent these learning opportunities, we might be doing more harm than good.

So instead of being the parent who always steps in, become the one who stands by ready to guide and support when needed. This behavior shift can significantly change the dynamic of your relationship with your child and help maintain that close bond as they grow older.

2) Discouraging risk-taking

As parents, we might think that encouraging safety and discouraging risks is the best way to protect our children. However, this mindset might be counterproductive to building a close bond with them as they grow older.

It’s important to remember that taking risks is a part of personal growth and development. It’s through these experiences that our children learn about their boundaries, strengths, weaknesses, and interests.

By discouraging your child from taking any risks, you might be unintentionally hindering their ability to develop resilience and independence. This can create a rift in your bond as they may feel misunderstood or undervalued.

Instead of discouraging all risk-taking, aim to guide your child in taking calculated risks. Let them know that it’s okay to fail sometimes, and what matters most is the learning and growth that comes from these experiences.

This more balanced approach can go a long way in maintaining a strong bond with your child as they mature.

3) Holding onto old roles

One thing I’ve realized in the journey of parenthood is how quickly our children grow and evolve. It’s a dynamic process and as they mature, our roles as parents need to adapt too.

Holding onto old roles – maybe seeing your teenager as your ‘baby’ or treating your adult child like a teenager – can create tension in your relationship. It’s essential to recognize and respect their growing independence and changing needs.

This is something I explore more in-depth in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s all about understanding how our attachments can impact our relationships, in this case particularly with our growing children.

Take a step back and see if you’re still treating your child the same way you did years ago. If you are, it might be time to reassess and adjust your behavior to better suit their current age and stage of development. 

4) Not respecting their privacy

As our children grow older, their need for personal space and privacy increases. It’s a natural part of their development and a sign that they are becoming more independent.

Respecting this privacy is crucial in maintaining a close bond with your child. If they feel like you’re constantly invading their personal space, it may lead to feelings of resentment or frustration.

I remember when my child first started asking for more privacy. It was a bit challenging to let go, but I understood the importance of respecting their boundaries.

So if you’re finding it hard to give your child the privacy they need, remind yourself that it’s an essential part of their growth.

Respecting their privacy is respecting them as individuals, and it can significantly strengthen the bond you share with them as they grow older.

5) Not listening actively

Communication is a two-way street. Often, we focus on expressing ourselves but forget the equally important part – listening. Active listening is all about fully engaging in what your child is saying and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.

I can recall times when my child was sharing something important with me, and I was half-listening while scrolling through emails on my phone.

I realized later how dismissive this could seem, and how it could affect our bond. It was a wake-up call for me to practice active listening consistently.

By actively listening to your child, you’re not only gaining insights into their world but also showing them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable. This can help build trust and maintain a close bond with your child as they grow older.

Next time your child is talking to you, put that phone down, make eye contact, and genuinely engage in the conversation. It can make a world of difference to your relationship.

6) Being judgemental

As parents, we naturally want the best for our children, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of being overly critical or judgemental. However, this can create a distance between you and your child.

I remember situations where I was quick to judge or criticize, only to later realize that it had created unnecessary tension. My child felt less inclined to share things with me for fear of being judged. It was a hard pill to swallow.

In the wise words of Mother Teresa, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

This quote resonates deeply with me because it emphasizes the importance of understanding and acceptance in maintaining a close bond with your child as they grow older.

So strive to be more understanding and less judgemental. Encourage open conversations and assure your child that they can always come to you without fear of judgment. This approach can significantly enhance the closeness in your relationship.

For more insights and tips on maintaining strong bonds with your loved ones, feel free to follow me at Tina Fey’s Love Connection on Facebook. I share my latest articles there that may help guide you in your journey.

7) Expecting perfection

Let’s face it – none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, and our children are no exception. Yet, sometimes, we unconsciously expect them to be perfect – to always get the best grades, to never talk back, to always make the right choices.

This expectation can weigh heavily on them and create a strain in your relationship. It can make them feel like they’re constantly falling short, leading them to either rebel or withdraw.

I’ve been there, expecting my child to always meet high standards. But I realized that by doing so, I was overlooking their individuality, their unique strengths and weaknesses. I was setting them up for a life of stress and self-doubt.

Let’s say goodbye to expecting perfection. Let’s embrace our children’s flaws and mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. Let’s love them for who they are, not who we want them to be. 

Unraveling the layers of parent-child relationships

Our journey as parents is a continuous learning experience. We navigate through different stages, adapting our behaviors and roles as our children grow and evolve.

Maintaining a close bond with your child as they get older is not always an easy task, but it’s definitely worth the effort. Saying goodbye to the seven behaviors we’ve discussed can bring significant changes in your relationship with your child, fostering a stronger and healthier bond.

As we close this chapter, I’d like to leave you with something that explores more deeply the key things we’ve been discussing in this article.

Here’s a video by Justin Brown that I believe is worth watching. It’s about embracing challenges, fostering meaningful relationships, and staying true to oneself – all of which are essential in maintaining close bonds with our children as they grow older.

In parenting, as in life, it’s important to remember that it’s not about pursuing happiness or perfection. It’s about embracing life’s challenges, fostering meaningful relationships, and staying true to oneself. This is the essence of maintaining a strong bond with your child as they get older.

Remember, parenting is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. It’s about patience, understanding, and learning from our mistakes. So let’s keep unraveling the layers of this beautiful journey of parenthood together.