If you want to increase you likability as a person almost immediately, say goodbye to these 5 behaviors

I’ve always been fascinated by what makes certain people so effortlessly magnetic. Like, what is that spark they seem to have?

Well, over time, I’ve learned that it’s not just about what they do—it’s actually a lot about what they don’t do.

Today, we’re diving into five behaviors that could be holding you back from being as likable as you could be.

Letting go of these has been transformative for me. Maybe they will be for you too.

Let’s jump in!

1) Avoiding authenticity

Let’s kick things off with a big one. 

So many of us subconsciously put on a persona when we are around others. We want to fit in, to be liked, and so we mold ourselves into what we think is the most ‘likable’ version of ourselves.

But here’s the thing – people can sense inauthenticity.

When we aren’t being our true selves, it creates a barrier between us and those around us. It’s as if there’s a silent statement being made: “I don’t trust you with who I truly am.” And that can make people feel distanced from us.

On the other hand, when we are authentic, when we let our true selves shine through, people feel seen and understood. They feel like they’re interacting with a human being, not a persona. And that breeds connection and likability.

Researcher and author put it well when she wrote: 

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we actually are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to be vulnerable.”

Embrace who you are and let your true self shine through.

2) Negativity overload

This is one I know all too well. 

In my early days of running Hack Spirit, I was under a lot of stress. The pressure to perform, the fear of failure – it all weighed heavy on me.

And without realizing it, I started venting my frustrations more often. Too often and too much, if I’m honest.

Not surprisingly, I noticed that friends started to distance themselves, conversations became shorter and meetings less frequent. It didn’t take long for me to realize that my negative outlook was impacting my relationships.

I made a conscious decision to change my perspective. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, I started looking for positives, silver linings in every situation. And almost immediately, people started responding differently.

The truth is, nobody enjoys being around a perpetual pessimist. Constant complaining or focusing on the negatives drains energy from those around you.

Are you stuck in a cycle of negativity? Try shifting your perspective.

It’s not about ignoring problems or pretending everything is perfect. Rather, it’s about finding balance and focusing on potential solutions instead of dwelling on the problems.

3) Ignoring personal boundaries

Respect for personal boundaries is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. When we disregard others’ boundaries, we communicate a lack of respect for their personal space and autonomy.

Boundaries can range from physical space to emotional comfort zones.

For example, some people might not feel comfortable discussing personal matters at work, while others really want to share.

Some people may enjoy spontaneous visits or last-minute plans, others might prefer advance notice and time to prepare. 

It’s crucial to respect these boundaries. Take note of verbal and non-verbal cues that indicate what others are comfortable with and adjust your behavior accordingly.

4) Overlooking the power of body language 

Did you know that experts say over 50% of communication happens via body language?

It’s not just about what we say—it’s about how we present ourselves when we say it. Without realizing it, our body language can send mixed signals that contradict our words, making us seem insincere, disinterested, or even unapproachable.

Think about the last time you crossed your arms during a conversation. While you may have simply been comfortable, the person you were speaking with might have interpreted it as defensiveness or disinterest.

Similarly, avoiding eye contact or constantly checking your phone can signal that you’re not fully present, even if you’re listening intently.

To become more likable, pay attention to the messages your body is sending.

Open postures, steady eye contact, and genuine smiles can go a long way in making others feel comfortable and valued. Leaning in slightly when someone is speaking shows you’re engaged, while nodding occasionally signals active listening.

It’s these small, intentional adjustments that can transform the way others perceive you. 

5) Neglecting self-care 

Last but not least, here’s one you may not have expected to see on this list: neglecting self-care.

So, why is it here?

Because when we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t show up as our best selves for others. 

Experts like those at Psych Central have noted that a lack of self-care is often associated with things like low energy, reduced patience, and even less motivation to engage in social activities.

When we’re running on empty, we’re more likely to come across as irritable, distracted, or uninterested—none of which helps our likability.

On the flip side, prioritizing self-care gives us the energy, presence, and emotional resilience to connect with others.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating nourishing food, setting boundaries to protect your mental health, or simply carving out time to recharge.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s the foundation that allows you to bring your best energy into every interaction.

The bottom line 

Improving your likability doesn’t require a complete personality overhaul—it’s often about letting go of habits that might be holding you back.

By embracing authenticity, cultivating a positive outlook, respecting boundaries, being mindful of your body language, and prioritizing self-care, you can create deeper, more meaningful connections with those around you.

These shifts have made a world of difference for me, and I’m confident they can do the same for you.

Remember, likability isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up as the best, truest version of yourself. Start small, be consistent, and watch how your relationships transform.

Here’s to a more connected and likable you!