Eliza Hartley
Navigating relationships is a delicate dance. We all have habits that can make or break our connections with others.
Some of these behaviors, while seemingly harmless, could be sabotaging your relationships without you even realizing it.
To truly thrive in your relationships, you need to identify and say goodbye to these behaviors.
In this article, I’ll outline the 9 behaviors you need to let go of, for more successful relationships in life. Trust me, your future self will thank you for it.
1) Playing the blame game
We all mess up sometimes. It’s part of being human.
But when things go wrong, it’s easy to point fingers and play the blame game. This, however, is a relationship killer.
The blame game is destructive. It creates a cycle of defensiveness and resentment, damaging the bond between people.
Instead of pointing fingers, focus on solutions. Accept responsibility for your part in the situation and work collaboratively to fix it.
2) Being a poor listener
I remember a time when I was so caught up in my own thoughts and agenda that I wasn’t really listening to my friend during our conversation.
She was sharing something important, but I was too busy mentally preparing my own response. I wasn’t truly hearing her.
That’s when it hit me – I was being a poor listener.
Listening isn’t just about being quiet while the other person talks. It’s about being present, showing empathy, and understanding their perspective.
Once I realized this, I made a conscious effort to improve my listening skills. And believe me, it has made all the difference in my relationships.
So if you want more successful relationships, make sure you’re not just hearing, but actually listening to the people in your life.
3) Being overly critical
Criticism can be hard to swallow. While it’s true that constructive feedback can help us grow, being overly critical can do more harm than good.
Research shows that for every negative interaction in a relationship, it takes five positive ones to counterbalance it. That’s a lot of making up to do for one critical comment.
Being overly critical can erode trust and goodwill. It makes people feel judged, discouraged, and defensive.
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, try appreciating what’s right. Encourage more than you critique. Your relationships will be better for it.
4) Neglecting self-care
Ever heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”? It’s true.
If you’re constantly running on empty, you’re not going to be able to give your best to your relationships. You might become irritable, impatient, or emotionally unavailable.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and taking time out to do things you enjoy.
When you’re feeling good, you’re more likely to bring positivity and energy into your relationships. So don’t neglect self-care. Your relationships will thank you for it.
5) Holding onto grudges
Holding onto past hurts can be like carrying a heavy backpack – it weighs you down and makes it harder to move forward.
Grudges create resentment and bitterness, which can poison your relationships. They keep you stuck in the past, preventing you from fully engaging in the present.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is like setting down that heavy backpack. It doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing what happened, but it does mean letting go of the pain associated with it.
6) Keeping score
Relationships are about give and take. But when you start keeping score, it can quickly turn into a competition.
“Who did the dishes last time?” “Who initiated the last date night?” “Who apologised first the last time we fought?” This tit-for-tat mentality can create tension and resentment.
True love and friendship aren’t about keeping tabs. They’re about kindness, understanding, and mutual respect.
Remember, at the end of the day, it’s not about who did what. It’s about caring for each other and working together as a team. Letting go of the scorecard can lead to more harmonious, successful relationships.
7) Avoiding difficult conversations
I used to shy away from difficult conversations. The thought of potential conflict made me uncomfortable, so I would sweep issues under the rug and hope they would disappear.
But they never did. In fact, they often grew bigger and more complicated.
Avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t make the issues go away. It only postpones the inevitable and allows small problems to escalate.
Once I began to face difficult conversations head-on, I noticed a shift in my relationships.
Yes, it was uncomfortable at first, but it led to better understanding, improved communication, and ultimately stronger bonds.
8) Being judgmental
No one likes to feel judged. And yet, it’s so easy to slip into a judgmental mindset, especially when someone’s actions or choices don’t align with our own.
But being judgmental can create a barrier in your relationships. It can make people feel defensive and less likely to open up to you.
Instead, try to approach others with curiosity and empathy. Everyone has their own story, their own reasons for why they do what they do.
When you replace judgment with understanding, you create a safe space for genuine connection and mutual respect. This is a cornerstone of successful relationships.
9) Failing to express appreciation
Appreciation is the cornerstone of thriving relationships.
When we show appreciation, we acknowledge others’ worth and importance. It builds trust, deepens connections, and cements bonds.
Yet, it’s often overlooked. Life gets hectic, we settle into routines, and we forget to vocalize our gratitude to those who matter most.
But don’t let appreciation slip through the cracks. Take the time to regularly express gratitude to the people in your life. Whether it’s a quick “thank you” or a heartfelt conversation about their significance, these gestures can work wonders in nurturing your relationships.
Final thoughts: It’s all about growth
The behaviors we’ve covered, though common, can seriously stunt our relationship growth. But here’s the silver lining: we’re not stuck this way.
Every move away from these toxic patterns is a stride toward healthier, richer relationships. Whether it’s dropping the blame game, honing our listening skills, or showing more gratitude, each shift counts.
Keep this in mind: it’s not about being flawless. It’s about making strides, pushing for betterment. It’s about evolving with our loved ones, cultivating the ties that bind us.
