If you want to experience genuine inner peace, you need to give up these 10 commonly held societal misconceptions

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Are you a worrywart?

Do you wake up in the morning thinking “Oh f*ck, how can I be better?” or “What am I doing wrong with my life?”

Well, it’s time to get rid of all that noise in your head if you want inner peace.

How?

Start by unsubscribing to these 10 commonly held societal misconceptions.

Most of them are BS and if you keep believing in them, you’ll never achieve inner peace.

1) “You need to be selfless to be good.”

Do you feel awful when you say “no” to something?

Does it break your heart when you ignore a beggar or cancel a call from a sales agent?

Do you constantly feel like you’re never good enough or kind enough or generous enough?

This constant guilt will not only deplete you, it can prevent you from having a peaceful life!

I’m sure you had sleepless nights thinking “Should I have said yes?”

Look, it’s not your job to make others happy. 

It’s encouraged, yes. But if you can’t give your all for whatever reason, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Here’s a reminder: YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON even if you’re not Santa Claus or Mother Theresa.

So drop that guilt right now. It’s not doing you any good.

2) “Idleness is the enemy of the soul.”

The Bible says “idleness is the enemy of the soul”.

And this same sentiment echoes up to this day.

Lifestyle and finance gurus encourage us to “go big or go home”, to “hustle hard”, and to “always give it all you’ve got!

No wonder we’re all exhausted.

This societal pressure to always DO something is one of the top reasons we’re anxious and depressed.

How many successful people always want more? Too many.

How many “unsuccessful” people feel bad for taking a break? Too many.

We don’t have to always be busy pursuing something.

In fact, we don’t always have to be productive.

From time to time, we can just sit under an apple tree and pay attention to the birds chattering about their day.

3) “Winners never quit, quitters never win.”

Why do we equate quitting with losing?

There are so many instances where quitting is the wisest thing to do.

If a job is making you miserable, by all means…quit! 

If a person is ruining your inner peace (no matter how much you try to make things work)…end the effin relationship!

If an exercise program makes you hate exercising…then ditch it and find another one that you find more enjoyable.

We don’t have to suffer just to prove to ourselves that we know how to persevere.

If I didn’t quit my first job just to show how much of a “winner” I am, I would remain stressed and unhappy.

If I didn’t break up with my verbally abusive ex, my self-esteem would have never recovered.

My point is simple: Sometimes, YOU HAVE TO QUIT TO WIN.

So if there’s something you’ve been wanting to quit to achieve inner peace, do it now to save yourself.

4) “Your dreams have to be big for them to be valid.”

Tony Robbins said, “Most people fail in life because they major in minor things.”

I find this laughable.

This kind of pushy, go-big-or-go-home mentality might work on some people, but it can make a lot of us stressed and miserable.

And hey, the world would be in danger if everyone just does the MAJOR things. Imagine if everyone wants to start a company. What kind of world would that be?

Anyway, what’s so wrong with having simple dreams? 

What’s wrong with wanting to remain regular? With doing simple hobbies and driving a simple car?

You are free to have “small” dreams!

You’re free to have a simple, happy life.

Don’t be pressured to upsize your life just to impress others.

5) “Life after 40 is all downhill.”

Many people think that forty is the deadline.

We’re willing to kill or get killed just to own a house, find the perfect partner, and have kids before we hit 4-0.

We think that if we’re not a “success” by 40, we’re going to be a “loser” until our dying day.

But I realize that this is a load of BS. 

Everyone has their own timeline!

Some get successful at 21 only to lose everything by 35.

And many people only became successful after 40.

And well, some get ultra rich by 25 only to die at 26.

The older I get, the more I realize that we put too many expectations (and limitations) on ourselves based on our age. 

And this has got to go if we want to have a calm and peaceful life.

6) “True love is unconditional.”

As my favorite therapist Todd Baratz said “Unconditional love in adult partnership isn’t love. It’s a rescue mission.” 

When we enter a partnership or friendship, we have an unwritten list of non-negotiables that we want fulfilled. We also set limitations—they’re extremely important!

And if they’re not able to fulfill their share of the partnership, we’re free to go.

Now why is this necessary for inner peace?

Well, it’s just impossible to attain inner peace if we’re always dealing with toxic relationships!

Imagine all the time you spend questioning yourself, analyzing your relationship, negotiating, guiding, communicating, rethinking, rebuilding. 

Pheeeeeew!

Look, unless they’re your children, relationships are supposed to be conditional. 

So if someone has been giving you bad behavior and it’s already driving you nuts, you’re not an awful person to let go.

7) “You’re either growing or stagnating.”

Modern society wants us to keep growing and evolving and becoming “the best versions of ourselves.”

But the kind of growth they’re talking about is external growth.

They want us to earn more, exercise more, learn more, meet more people, travel to more places, pursue more goals…

Always more, more, more!

This will make us forever discontent. 

We’d always feel that there’s something lacking…and that there’s something wrong with us when we’re just happy with the way things are.

Listen, staying put and being content doesn’t mean you’re stagnating.

It could actually mean you’re growing roots.

8) “In life, you have to eat or be eaten.”

If you think that the world is a harsh place and people are out to get you, you’ll be forever anxious.

You will always question the people around you—even your closest friends and family.

You will wonder “Are they just using me?” or “How can I be sure I won’t be betrayed?” 

With this kind of thinking, you will also worry about your future. You’ll be haunted by questions like “How can I be sure that I won’t die alone?”

Your mind will never be at ease.

To have inner peace, you have to trust that the majority of people are good. That many of them are rooting for you and supporting you.

Most of all, you have to trust in yourself—that you’ll be able to handle anything that life throws at you. And believe it with all your heart.

9) “It’s your duty to teach others how to treat you.”

There are people who don’t know how to be good. We’re all works in progress, after all.

So yes, we probably should be patient with them and then teach them how to be better people—at least at first.

But if things remain the same, feel free to close the door on them.

While it’s good to have hope in the goodness of others—that all they need is a bit of understanding and guidance—some are just unteachable.

Look, there are 8 billion people in the world right now. 

Stop trying so hard.

You deserve better people in your life.

10) “You can have it all.”

“Anything is possible if you try hard enough”, they say.

And ugh, this puts pressure on us.

After all, if we’re not achieving the things we want, it could only mean that we’re not trying hard enough, right?

The truth is that we can’t have it all. 

And the moment we get desperate about having it all, our mental health will suffer.

If you want to achieve genuine inner peace, learn to live with the fact that even if you work hard, you might not become the best and the greatest.

And that it’s okay.

And that it’s not your fault.

Life is full of trade-offs and compromises. 

There’s a big chance that you won’t have it all—at least not in one go anyway (if you’re lucky).

You have to embrace this basic fact of life to achieve genuine inner peace.

Final thoughts

Society has been hard on us.

And because of this, we’re hard on ourselves.

To achieve genuine inner peace, we have to be able to rethink and unlearn what society has been feeding us—to let it all go and start again.

And once that’s done, we need to come up with our very own definition of success and happiness—to have our very own definition of what it really means to be good, and what it really means to have a good life.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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