As a chronic worrier myself, I’ve had to work hard at relaxing and being present in the moment.
I realized I needed to make this change when I found myself exhausted from staying up at night, my mind racing, pondering over things I had zero control over.
And perhaps you feel the same way – you know you need to ease up on the worrying, but you’re unsure of where to start. You want to be more relaxed, but you’re stuck in a loop.
In this article, I’m not going to give you a magical cure. What I will do is give you a few “worries” to let go of, just to help you lighten the mental load!
Ultimately, the effort you put in will determine how much you put your worried mind at ease.
So, if you want to be more easygoing, say goodbye to these 7 worries:
The amount of people suffering from perfectionism has significantly increased over the last 20 years or so…and it’s easy to see why.
Aside from childhood trauma or upbringing, things like the rise of social media haven’t helped.
We’re constantly bombarded with images of people who seem to have the perfect lifestyle, family, teeth, you name it.
Combine this with the rat race and competitive nature of our society, and it’s clear that we often feel like we’ve failed if we haven’t “made it big time”.
Here’s a little piece of advice that’s helped me out:
Progress over perfection. Repeat it daily.
You see, once you stop worrying about perfection and start pouring your energy into progress, you’re more likely to feel satisfied and fulfilled with your efforts.
And as a result, you’ll start to feel more easygoing and carefree!
2) The past
The past is a tricky thing – we can’t do anything to change it.
What we can do is rectify things that are within our power. For example, if you strongly regret falling out with a good friend and it continues to play on your mind, why not reach out and try to reconcile?
If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, at least you know you’ve tried!
And for issues that can’t be resolved, it’s best to make your peace with them and lay them to rest.
Ultimately, being easygoing can’t be achieved if your mind is stuck elsewhere in time!
One thing that might help is writing down everything you ruminate over. Get it all out, fold it up, and throw it in the trash. And if that doesn’t work, consider speaking to a therapist.
Perhaps your past issues have affected you more than you realize. This is where a professional can help you process and work through them until you’re able to let go and fully embrace the present.
3) The future
Would you believe me if I said I’ve spent the majority of the last 5 years worried to death that something bad will happen to my partner, my cats, or my family?
If you’re a worrier too, you probably will believe it.
We fear the worst. And the more we imagine it, the more we worry.
I knew I needed to make a change when I’d find myself crying over such worries…with no indication that my fears would come true anytime soon!
So, one thing that’s helped me is to remind myself:
“When I spend time worrying over things I can’t control, I lose out on spending quality time with the exact people I’m worrying about.”
This grounds me. It might help you too.
Because ultimately, when we’re worrying about the future, we’re stealing time from the present moment.
This is valuable time that could be spent loving on your partner and kids, or just enjoying a hobby or some quiet time to relax.
4) People’s opinions
“What other people think and say about you is none of your business.” – Roy T. Bennett.
I love this quote. It was a life-changer when I first heard it.
Instead of fretting over what other people think of you, ignore it. Pay no attention to it.
Your opinion is the only opinion that counts. Easygoing people are easygoing because they don’t waste their time on things they can’t change.
Not to mention, no matter how much you try to please, someone will always find a way to form a negative opinion of you.
So the best thing is to give up trying, just be yourself, and know that whoever loves you for you will continue doing so!
5) Comparing yourself to others
Do you find yourself worrying that you aren’t keeping up with your friends? A sibling? Other family members?
Comparison, as Theodore Roosevelt once wisely said, is the thief of joy.
And it’s true – you’re not happy when you’re worried. You’re not appreciating all the wonderful things you do have in life when you’re busy looking at others.
Remember – everyone is on their own journey. Someone might have more than you today and less tomorrow.
So focus on the good in your life. Write out three things you’re thankful for every day.
By doing this, you’ll naturally start to feel more easygoing, less stressed out, and certainly less dissatisfied with your life.
6) Fear of failure
Fear is a real thing. It can be good, in keeping us alert and safe. But it can also hold us back from taking new opportunities.
And when you worry about failing, you’re more likely to miss out on fantastic experiences that could transform your life.
Whether that’s changing your career, leaving an unhappy relationship, or developing a potential skill or talent.
A lot of this ties in with perfectionism – we get caught up in trying to be great at things when in reality, all we need to do is give it our best.
Even if you fail, you’ll still have made progress. You’ll learn valuable lessons. And you’ll come back stronger and stronger each time you try again.
One thing I’ve noticed about easy going people is that they’ll often laugh at themselves when they fail. They don’t take it too seriously because they know failure is valuable and inevitable.
Try to take a leaf out of their book – don’t take yourself so seriously, and you might be surprised at what you can achieve!
7) Being right all the time
If you really want to be more easygoing, stop worrying about being right all the time.
This worry comes from fear, as we’ve just mentioned above. Perhaps you feel like if you make a mistake or say the wrong thing, people will reject you.
But here’s the thing:
You can’t please everyone. You also can’t be right, all the time.
And stressing over it won’t make an inch of difference.
My husband is prone to worrying about this, but in recent years, he’s worked hard to accept that sometimes in life, he’ll get it wrong. And that’s okay.
It’s far better to take responsibility and learn from your mistake than remain stuck in a place of continuous worry.
And remember, the people who truly love you will still love you, even if you say the wrong thing from time to time!
As I mentioned at the start, overcoming constant worry isn’t easy and it won’t happen overnight.
But to be an easygoing person, you’ve actively got to work at it, and I believe the tips above are a great starting point. Some things in life require genuine worry and concern.
But others, like the opinions of other people, perfectionism, and thinking about the future or past, can be done without! Think of all the energy and time you’ll free up by letting go of these worries.
Take it step by step, remember your goal, and whenever you feel yourself venturing into “worry land”, bring yourself back to the present moment and simply breathe.