Adrian Volenik
I’m always working on being more resistant to setbacks and distress, and that’s why I dove deep to learn how to be more emotionally resilient.
When you look at emotionally strong and adaptable people, you start noticing they stick to specific habits and behaviors that help them be and stay emotionally enduring.
But, more importantly, they also resist and avoid certain behaviors. So join me as we explore what you should say goodbye to if you want to be more emotionally resilient.
1) Overthinking everything
First of all, instead of constantly analyzing every situation to the point of stress, learn to trust your instincts and go with the flow when appropriate.
When you’re overthinking, you just bring yourself into a state of anxiety and decision paralysis.
Emotionally tough people don’t spend too much time thinking about things they can influence, let alone those they have no influence over, like the pandemic, wars, world hunger, etc.
They believe in simplicity and let intuition be their best guide.
My wife and I are total opposites when it comes to overthinking. She spends sleepless nights worrying about the state of the world, and I sleep like a baby because it’s not something I can influence directly.
2) Avoiding change
Another important thing emotionally resilient people don’t do is they don’t avoid change but instead embrace it.
Instead of resisting change, they see it as an opportunity for growth. They know that change brings new experiences, fresh perspectives, and personal development.
When you start welcoming change with an open mind, you start realizing that you can only benefit from it.
Similarly, instead of shying away from difficult situations, try to tackle challenges head-on.
Overcoming obstacles will make you mentally tough, and you’ll increase your emotional resilience.
Above all, when you’re confronting challenges, you get a sense of accomplishment and confidence.
On the other hand, comparing yourself to others will kill your confidence.
3) Comparing yourself to others
Instead of measuring your worth by comparing yourself to others, start recognizing your unique qualities and strengths.
You know, the things that set you apart.
You see, each person has their own path and experiences. When you focus on your own course, you don’t see others as adversaries but as fellow humans who are along on a journey.
You stop feeling the need to compare yourself to them because they have different skills, opportunities, support networks, resources, etc., than you do.
You can’t really compare apples to oranges, can you?
4) Ignoring your feelings
Emotionally strong people also don’t ignore and suppress their feelings. They deal with them.
That’s why, instead of brushing your emotions aside, you should take a moment to acknowledge them.
Understanding and accepting your feelings can help you process them in a healthy way.
Whether it’s joy, sadness, anger, or fear, recognizing your emotions allows you to address them and make better decisions based on your true feelings.
Now, imagine you’ve been under a lot of stress at work because of tight deadlines and a lot of work.
Instead of ignoring these feelings and pushing yourself to the limit, emotionally strong people would acknowledge their stress.
They might talk to a supervisor about their workload to address the issue effectively, or they’d even start looking for a job with more work-life balance.
5) Seeking perfection
If you’re a perfectionist, I have bad news for you. Many studies have confirmed that being a perfectionist isn’t good for your mental health.
Instead of constantly striving for an impossible standard of perfection, aim for progress.
Commit that you’ll do better each time instead of being perfect. Understand that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process.
When I talk about perfection, I also think about physical appearance. Thinking you should look perfect is terrible for your self-esteem and emotional resilience.
As is the following behavior.
6) Dwelling on the past
Countless people live their lives in the past. No, they’re not time travelers; they’re simply stuck in the past in their minds.
They relive their past mistakes to the point that their present life is suffering, and they’re spinning their wheels.
Instead of pondering past mistakes or regrets, focus on the present moment and what you can do to shape your future.
While you should definitely learn from the past, don’t let it define you or hold you back. The present is where you have the power to make positive changes.
And here’s another thing that’s holding you back and making you less emotionally sound and resilient.
7) Holding grudges
Who doesn’t like having a good grudge against someone? The problem arises when these grudges hold you back from living your best life.
Instead of carrying resentment and grudges, practice forgiveness. Letting go of past grievances will free you from negative emotions and improve your mental well-being.
Most people don’t understand that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Instead, you’re releasing the emotional burden that grudges carry.
8) Neglecting self-care
Mentally and emotionally enduring people also never neglect their physical and mental health. They prioritize self-care.
This includes getting enough rest, maintaining a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and even meditating or doing whatever helps them realign and have a balanced energy.
Show me a person who isn’t taking care of themselves, and I’ll show you a mentally and emotionally wounded person.
9) Fearing failure
Just like they embrace change, emotionally tough people don’t fear failure. If there’s one thing you should start implementing right now, this is it.
Instead of avoiding challenges because you fear failure, see mistakes as opportunities to learn and evolve.
Failure is a natural element of any journey toward success. Embrace it as a chance to gain valuable experience and resilience.
Stop letting it interfere with your career, projects, and personal life. You only have one life, so go and live it!
10) Pleasing people
People-pleasing is many people’s favorite pastime. They do all they can to make everyone feel good. Everyone but themselves, that is.
Instead of constantly trying to please others at the expense of your own needs and boundaries, prioritize self-respect and assertiveness to be more emotionally resilient.
While it’s important to be considerate and helpful in relationships, it’s equally important not to overextend yourself and compromise your own well-being.
If you’re prone to overcommitting, experiencing burnout, or feeling overwhelmed, you need to set and communicate your limits to maintain a healthy balance.
11) Suppressing your creativity
Among the things emotionally resilient people don’t do is they don’t suppress their creativity.
Instead of stifling their creative ideas and expression, they love to explore their creative side.
They know that creativity is a great source of joy and innovation. So, if you want to be more like them, don’t be afraid to pursue your artistic or even visionary efforts.
If you’re saying now, “Well, I don’t have a creative bone in my body,” I can tell you that’s simply not true.
Everyone is creative in one way or another. You just haven’t found your outlet. Pick up a few things that interest you and explore. See what tickles your creative spirit.
12) Neglecting relationships
Apart from that, resilient people never, and I mean never, neglect their relationships. They don’t isolate themselves, and even if they move to a different place, they find a support network from scratch.
So, instead of isolating yourself, invest time in nurturing meaningful relationships with family and friends.
Social connections are key for emotional support, happiness, and a sense of belonging. According to some studies, people with five or more friends are 60% happier!
Which brings us to this:
13) Avoiding help
Instead of trying to handle everything on their own, emotionally resilient people don’t hesitate to ask for support and help from friends, family, or even professionals when needed.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s a way to share the load and get valuable help and advice when necessary.
14) Being overly critical of yourself
Perhaps most importantly, emotionally sound folks don’t judge themselves too harshly. Instead of harsh self-criticism, they practice self-compassion.
And that’s key if you want to be resilient. You must treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend.
Accept that you’re not perfect and that you make and will make mistakes.
Do you know who doesn’t make any mistakes, people who don’t try doing anything important for themselves, their family, and society.
Everyone else who’s working hard naturally makes some mistakes and errors.
Final thoughts
In the end, I hope you’ve come to the conclusion that everyone can become more emotionally resilient.
You just need to avoid certain behaviors that are not helping your mind and your overall well-being.
