If you want to be a truly confident man, say goodbye to these 14 behaviors

Some men are born confident, or so it seems. On the other side, this is an ideal many men simply can’t reach. 

They simply don’t have self-confidence and either don’t know how to work on it or don’t really want to. 

Because you’re reading this, I will assume you want to be a genuinely confident man. So let me show you what behaviors you need to say goodbye to. 

1) Avoiding challenges

The most interesting people in the world are the ones that conquered adversity. And as a result, they’re more powerful and confident than ever. 

But even if you had no major setbacks or challenges in life, you can manufacture them. That’s something I recommend anyone does at least once in a while. 

You see, staying within your comfort zone stunts your personal growth. If you have a fear of failure, it will paralyze you from taking risks. 

Embrace failure as a normal part of any journey. Learn from your mistakes, adjust, and keep moving forward.

Ultimately, when you embrace challenges as chances to learn, adapt, and develop new skills, you’re naturally boosting your confidence.

2) Overthinking

Genuinely confident men don’t overthink. They act. That’s because overanalyzing situations results in indecision and anxiety. 

To be more confident, you need to trust your instincts and make decisions promptly. More often than not, quick decisions are just as effective as prolonged ones.

For example, during job interviews, providing concise and well-thought-out responses demonstrates your confidence and adaptability. Overthinking answers leads to sounding rehearsed or uncertain.

Or if an opportunity for a last-minute getaway appears, making a swift decision to go can lead to an exciting adventure. Overanalyzing details might cause you to miss out on a valuable experience.

Let’s dive a bit deeper, shall we? 

3) Indecisiveness

The same can be said for indecisiveness. Constantly second-guessing decisions results in missed opportunities and self-doubt. 

To be more assured, practice making decisions based on available information and learning from the outcomes. 

Yes, practice.

You need to realize that if you don’t have natural confidence, you must work on it as you would on any skill.

For example, generals are the embodiment of confidence and decisiveness. But that’s only because they have a combination of their training, experience, and leadership qualities. 

Most of them weren’t born with it. And you know what else they don’t do? 

4) Constantly apologizing

Hopefully, you know that apologizing is very important. However, over-apologizing is also not good. It diminishes your credibility and confidence. 

If you have this habit, reserve apologies for situations where they’re truly warranted, and confidently own your actions.

Some societies are generally like that, and over-apologizing is in their collective mindset. 

That doesn’t mean you should act the same.  

5) Avoiding eye contact/firm handshake

Most people know how important eye contact is. It’s something you read in every article covering communication skills. That and a firm handshake. 

And I have to agree. There’s nothing worse than getting ahold of a shriveled-up and meek hand. It’s like having a handshake with an octopus, but much weaker. 

Maintaining eye contact during conversations equally demonstrates confidence and engagement. It proves that you’re present and alert to the interaction.

Trying to catch someone’s eye contact during a conversation is distracting and infuriating. 

And if you can’t make yourself look someone in the eyes, simply look at the base of their nose.  

6) Slouching and poor posture

Slouching and poor posture not only have physical implications but also psychological effects. 

Your body language communicates a lot about your self-perception and confidence level. 

For instance, consistently maintaining a slouched posture communicates a lack of self-assurance and self-respect to others. 

Additionally, slouching can make you feel physically and mentally sluggish, affecting your overall mindset and demeanor.

The first step to improvement is recognizing when you’re slouching. Pay attention to your posture, especially when standing, sitting, and walking.

Engage your core muscles and practice standing and sitting with your shoulders back, chest open, and head aligned with your spine.

7) Negative self-talk

Another thing I always mention when talking about self-confidence and self-improvement is the importance of recognizing negative self-talk.

Simply put, constantly criticizing yourself erodes your self-esteem and prevents you from recognizing your strengths. 

Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations and focus on your achievements and qualities.

Treating yourself with kindness and understanding is essential for confidence. Recognize that everyone has flaws and that self-compassion encourages growth.

8) Comparing yourself

In today’s world, young people can’t escape comparing themselves to others. Before social media, you’d compare yourself to your friends in school or people you’d see on TV.

But now, you simply can’t escape beautiful people sitting on Lambos in front of mansions. 

Comparisons result in feelings of inadequacy. Understand that everyone has their own journey and strengths. Focus on your progress and growth, not someone else’s.

There’s always going to be someone more rich, more handsome, and more successful. 

Let’s switch up the gears a bit. 

9) Overusing filler words

We use filler words such as “um,” “uh,” “like,” “you know,” and “so” when we hesitate or need a moment to think while speaking.

Filler words also undermine the clarity and impact of your speech. Practice speaking deliberately and confidently, eliminating unnecessary fillers.

Begin by becoming aware of your use of filler words. Record yourself speaking or ask a friend to point out when you tend to use them.

When you feel the urge to use a filler word, pause instead. This gives you a moment to gather your thoughts and proceed with more clarity.

10) Interrupting others

Interrupting people when they’re talking shows your impatience and a lack of respect for other people’s opinions. 

Regardless of the intent, interrupting makes others feel disregarded and reduces their readiness to engage with you. 

In fact, they might start avoiding you altogether in the future. 

If you believe you’re constantly doing this, practice active listening and wait for your turn to contribute. This will also display your confidence in your ideas.

11) Living in the past

Do you remember Al Bundy (oh boy, this really shows my age!)? He would go on and on about his high-school football career and the time when he scored four touchdowns in one game. 

Unfortunately, like Al, many people still live in the past. It’s because their present lives are unfulfilling, so they have to resort to the times when they were perhaps “on top.”

Being a women’s shoe salesman (Bundy’s current profession) isn’t something most men would be proud of, is it?

Yet, dwelling on past mistakes prevents him from moving forward. How can you improve your current life if you’re still in high school in your mind?

Learn from the past and apply those lessons to the present, focusing on creating a better future.

12) Overemphasis on material possessions

Constantly flaunting possessions or wealth is often a sign of seeking external validation. 

Relying on shallow markers of success, such as flashy cars, expensive clothes, or the latest gadgets, also creates a superficial foundation for self-esteem.

True confidence involves valuing yourself for who you are, not what you own.

Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you beyond material possessions. Focus on integrity, honesty, and personal growth. These are the traits that contribute to genuine confidence.

13) Perfectionism

People often see perfectionism as this holy grail. However, when I think of it, I imagine constant stress, anxiety, and worry about every little detail. 

Striving for perfection is unrealistic and often results in chronic dissatisfaction. I’ve learned that not everything has to be perfect. 

Most of the time, done is better than perfect. When you start looking at things like that, you finally become free.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing shoddy work, of course. You’re just not spending hours on end on things that almost no one besides you will notice. 

I always say that mistakes are opportunities to learn and improve and boost resilience and self-assuredness.

14) Overusing sarcasm

I love sarcasm. I used it all the time. Yet, while it can be amusing and clever, relying on it too heavily often creates confusion, especially when people you’re talking to don’t know you well. 

My wife also doesn’t care for it much, so I decided not to use it much anymore. 

Granted, by now, I bit my tongue one time too many, trying to hold back, but I think it makes me connect to others much easier. 

Ultimately, genuine confidence involves clear and straightforward communication. You can’t confuse people with your “witty” responses to their everyday questions. 

Final thoughts

You, too, can join the ranks of confident men. If you’re willing to put in the work. Those of us that weren’t born with the confidence of the Marlboro Man need to practice being assertive, present, and willing to step out of our comfort zone.

In fact, this last thing will almost singlehandedly make you a more interesting and self-assured man. 

And if you survive, you’ll have many interesting stories to tell.