Kiran Athar
Fellas, before you become overwhelmed at the idea of 14 whole new behaviors you’ve got to learn, don’t worry.
You’re likely already doing most of the things below, but there’s always room for improvement.
Because one thing I’ve learned about marriage is that the moment you think you’ve got it down, a new issue pops up and you’re back to the grinding board all over again.
With that being said, just making an effort is often enough – most wives appreciate a man who tries, even if he may still fall short from time to time.
So, if you want to be a better husband, read on:
1) Neglecting communication
You’re tired, she wants to have “the talk”….Do you:
- Make up an excuse and leave it for another day
- Let her know you’re tired, schedule a time for later in the day, and then address the issues head-on once you’ve had time to rest
Of course, most of us would love to pick A, especially when it comes to those uncomfortable conversations that we’d much rather not deal with.
But a great husband knows the importance of communication. He doesn’t sweep issues under the rug because he doesn’t want resentment to build up in his marriage.
So to be a better husband, pick option B – every single time.
2) Taking your partner for granted
Look, it’d be unfair to say women don’t also take men for granted sometimes.
But quite often, we hear the same story over and over again – men regretting that they didn’t appreciate their wives enough.
Granted, these confessions usually come about once the divorce has already been initiated, but if you want to avoid that altogether, start saying “thank you” now.
Your wife doesn’t have to pick up after you, but she does. So acknowledge it.
She doesn’t need to make a big deal out of your birthday, but she does. So reciprocate.
It doesn’t take much to show gratitude, but the positive effect it’ll have on your marriage is priceless.
3) Avoiding responsibility
Whether it’s household chores, parenting, or emotional support, actively share responsibilities.
You’re a team, after all, and your wife shouldn’t have to take the brunt of it all when you’re perfectly capable of lending a hand.
Ultimately, evading these tasks can leave your partner feeling overwhelmed and undervalued.
4) Not listening actively
You may think you’re listening, but the TV in the background, your phone pinging in your pocket, and one eye concentrating on your food means you’re probably not taking in much of what your wife says.
Active listening is when you:
- Allow the other person to speak without interrupting them
- Turn off distractions (i,e, the TV, mobile phones, etc)
- Make eye contact to let the other person know you’re engaged and interested
And one thing I know many people (not just men) are guilty of is forming a response before their partner has even finished speaking.
Listen to understand, not to reply.
One of the most powerful ways you can make your wife feel loved and understood is by truly listening to her.
5) Withholding affection
Saying, “I love you” before you leave for work is sweet, but there’s a power in giving affection that doesn’t require words.
I’m talking about giving your wife a cuddle when you see she’s had a bad day. Holding her hand when you take a walk outside. Kissing her forehead for no other reason than to make her feel loved.
Women need affection. We feel closer to our partners, more trusting and vulnerable, and that’s how you keep the love going in a marriage.
Because some things need to be felt, not heard.
6) Dismissing your partner’s feelings
If you really want to be a better husband, accept the fact that you’re not always going to understand your wife’s feelings.
But regardless, you’ll be there for her. You’ll validate her feelings, and you certainly won’t dismiss or mock them.
In my own marriage, we’ve encountered plenty of issues relating to this. My husband thinks very logically, very black and white. I’m way more emotional (and a bit of a dreamer, to be honest).
When he would make flippant remarks such as, “Why are you so sensitive?”, it would really drive a wedge between us.
He’s since learned that we all handle things differently, the kindest thing to do is support someone through their emotions, especially as their spouse, their support system.
7) Failing to make time for each other
I know life gets busy, and date nights go from once a week to once a month if you’re lucky.
But spending time with your wife takes you from being an average husband to a great one, especially if you make sure it’s real good quality time that you’re investing in.
I don’t mean lavish dinners out (unless that’s what you’re into).
I mean doing activities together that make you feel good. That allows you to chat, reconnect, and zone out the rest of the world for a while.
8) Not working on personal growth
Now, this next point is one most men tend to overlook.
You could be doing most things right, but if you’re not continuously working on yourself as a person, you’re letting your side of the marriage down.
Especially if your wife is putting in the time on her side.
I, for example, worked a lot on my insecurities so I wouldn’t be a jealous wife who got upset every time my husband spoke to another woman.
It’s taken me years but I’m finally there.
My husband, on the other hand, didn’t address his family trauma, constantly experienced burnout, and would snap at me over little things.
When I finally had enough one day, he realized it was time to start therapy.
I just wish I didn’t have to snap for him to take it so seriously. So learn from us – do the hard work before it’s too late.
9) Resisting apologies and accountability
Following on from the previous point, I can’t stress enough how important it is to take accountability for your actions.
Don’t let your pride hold you back from saying sorry when you mess up.
Don’t let arrogance stop you from recognizing when your actions hurt your wife, even if you meant well.
In the end, we’re all human. We all make mistakes. But it’s far easier to forgive and move on when your husband owns up and apologizes. It’s also much easier to respect a man who does this.
10) Ignoring your partner’s needs
It’s funny, most people are incredibly attentive to their partner’s needs during the dating stage. Oh yeah, during that stage, you’re actively looking for ways to show up for the other person.
You study them, their body language, their desires, and what makes them tick.
So why does that end when you’re married?
Whether emotional, physical, or intellectual, understanding and striving to meet your partner’s needs strengthens your connection – it’s what makes a marriage strong.
And as a husband, it’s your duty to do this, just as it’s your wife’s duty to show up for you.
11) Not supporting your partner’s goals
If you’re not supporting your wife’s goals, it’s time to ask yourself why.
Is it because you fear her meeting new people if she takes on that new job opportunity?
Is it because you’re worried you’ll spend less time with her if she starts having to travel more?
Dig deep and figure out what’s holding you back. Because let me tell you – when a woman feels supported, she’ll give you the world in return.
Not to mention, if she’s feeling fulfilled because she’s achieving her goals, this directly impacts how she shows up in your marriage.
12) Allowing jealousy or insecurities to control actions
I’d be lying if I said jealousy isn’t a normal part of marriage. Insecurity is also pretty common, we’ve all got it in different shapes and sizes.
But it stops becoming normal when you start to limit or control your partner.
It’s one thing to make a joke when you notice the hot waiter flirting with your wife, it’s another to make her feel bad for his actions.
So keep it under check – if you’re experiencing extreme jealousy or insecurity, please refer back to point 8 in this list.
13) Overlooking the importance of compromise
In other words, you can’t always have it your way.
For better or for worse, you’ve agreed to spend your life with this person. And sometimes, you’re going to butt heads.
If you want to be a better husband, know which battles to fight, and which to give in on.
And rather than see it as a terrible loss on your end when you can’t watch the game because your wife’s friends are coming over, see it as something positive you’re doing, a way to show some appreciation and love towards your wife.
14) Not embracing change
And finally, the woman you married isn’t the same woman you’ll be with in 10, 20, or 30 years time.
She’ll change. You’ll change. The world around you will change.
So embrace it.
Don’t get caught up in the past and avoid resisting anything new or different that comes your way.
People and relationships evolve. Being open and adaptable to changes within your relationship and with your partner ensures growth and longevity in your marriage.
And isn’t that the reason why you’re reading this article in the first place?
