If you want to attract happiness as you get older, say goodbye to these 10 behaviors

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Do you sometimes catch yourself feeling a bit melancholic while watching kids having fun?

Do you hear yourself say things like “Those were the days” or “If only I could turn back time”?

Sometimes it feels like as you get older, happiness doesn’t seem as simple as it used to be.

But what if I told you that life doesn’t go downhill as we age? That happiness and life satisfaction can actually expand as we grow? 

Want to know how? 

To attract happiness as you get older, simply say goodbye to these 10 behaviors.

1) Wanting it all

When I was in my twenties, I wanted it all—a house on a hill, a successful career, a party lifestyle with friends, a loving husband, three kids…

Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting it all, but wanting it all AT THE SAME TIME could make you miserable.

Why?

Because it’s just too damn hard. Impossible, even.

Let’s be real. If you want to have three kids, you can’t pursue your dream of being a touring musician. It’s possible, yes, but very hard to do.

And if you want a house on a hill, you better say goodbye to a fun life in the city. 

If you choose one, there are simply times when you can’t have the other.

So naturally, you CAN’T have it all at the same time. 

If you accept this basic fact of life and make sure to align your choices with your values, you’ll be much happier as you get older.

2) Thinking “I’ll be happy if…”

Do you keep moving the goalpost of your happiness?

Do you have milestones and checklists to fulfill before you can finally exhale and say “I can be happy now, finally.”?

Then you’ll find it hard to be happy as you get older.

“But I’ll have everything I want by then…”

Don’t be too sure.

Let’s say you’ve been telling yourself “Once I earn 6 digits, I’ll be happy.” 

But as you’re working, you forget to enjoy the process and by the time you reach your goal, you’re stressed, depressed, and sick. 

Or you reach your goal, but then you realize you feel worse than before and it doesn’t give you the happiness you worked so hard for. 

Learn to be happy with what you have now…and you’ll attract more happiness as you get older.

3) Dwelling on “what ifs…”

“What if I stayed with my first love?”

“What if I pursued a different career?”

“What if I moved to LA instead of Canada?

If you’re over forty and you still look back to the past with regret and bitterness, then you’ll struggle to attract happiness as you get older.

You have to close those chapters and instead focus on the present and what you can do for your future.

While looking back can give perspective and life lessons, you shouldn’t dwell on the past for too long. 

You can’t go back to even one second of your life so why keep thinking about it?

So take the lessons and move forward. 

4) Keeping up with the Joneses

Do you care about being more successful than your friends? 

When you know that your sister will have a holiday in Japan, do you go “Hmm, well I should plan one, too.”?

Then it’s no wonder you’re exhausted…and not so happy.

It’s also possible that you’re not living an authentic life because you’re probably just doing things to impress others—to make them think you have your life together.

And that you’re better, faster, greater.

Pause. 

Get off that hamster wheel because that’s an exhausting way to live your life. 

You won’t be able to attract real happiness by being a copycat. 

Focus on your own bliss and everything that fills you up with joy no matter how different it is from your peers.

5) Trying to control everything

Do you overplan everything, then get pissed when things don’t go exactly the way you wanted it?

Well, you’re just like me.

And I know that if I don’t make any changes now, I’d end up as a grumpy old woman that no one wants to be around with.

Trying to control everything is a surefire path to misery and unhappiness.

Learning to relax and accepting that not everything is in our control, will not only make you happier, it’ll also make you look younger from all the stress you let go of.

6) Believing that life is fair

Life is not fair. It just isn’t.

And the sooner you accept this fact of life, the happier you’ll be.

Yes, some people are born with rich parents while you have to work 60 hours a week. 

Yes, some people drink and smoke and yet they live up to 100 while your father with a healthy lifestyle died at 40.

Yes, you can study hard but still fail while someone who doesn’t even jot down notes aces the exam.

What does this mean?

This means there are no guarantees in life. Anything can happen!

And expecting life to always work in your favor just ‘cause you tried will only make you miserable.

7) Having high expectations from others

It’s normal to have expectations from others

But having HIGH expectations could lead you to high disappointments. And not only that, it could put pressure on the people around you!

Do you expect your partner to be your everything all the time?

Do you expect help from your family every time you have a crisis? And when they don’t rush to help you, you think they’re selfish?

Do you expect that your bestie would answer your call even if she’s busy?

Well, well, well.

You’ll end up alone and miserable as you get older. 

Don’t expect anything from anyone and you’ll be much happier. 

But not only that, you’ll become more grateful towards others because you didn’t expect anything from them, after all.

8) Staying in your comfort zone

So let’s say you’re thirty and you feel too old to try new things.

You wanted to start a business but then you thought “Nah, it’s too late for me. There’s too much to learn.”

Or you wanted to move to a new town because you’re bored with the one you’re currently in. But then you thought “What if I’ll just end up even more miserable there?”

And so you stay in a job and a town you don’t hate… but don’t like either.

If you see a pattern that you make decisions based on comfort (because of fear), then you’ll struggle to find genuine happiness.

And you’ll not attract happiness.

You may condition yourself that you’re just content, but there will always be a lump at the back of your throat everytime you tell yourself that because you know it’s not true.

Real happiness requires risks and if you’re not willing to step out of your comfort zone, you won’t find it.

9) People-pleasing

Do you try to blend in and fit in?

Do you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”?

Do you stop yourself from speaking up about what’s on your mind because you’re worried others won’t like you?

And does your heart melt when you hear people say “You’re the best!” and “I like you!”?

Well then, you’re a true-blue people-pleaser

You prioritize others at the expense of your own well-being because you mistakenly thought that being liked will make you happy.

But if you’re sacrificing your most authentic self, you’ll likely grow more bitter as you get older. 

It’s quite simple, really. How can you be happy when you don’t make yourself a priority?

10) Being close-minded and judgmental

Do you find that as you get older, you’re also getting more close-minded?

Are your convictions becoming impenetrable walls?

Do you look down on people for having beliefs different from yours?

Do you have a particular way of doing things and if others don’t do it the same way, you think THEY should change?

Well, I hate to tell you this but you’re pushing away happiness if you’re this rigid and closed.

What if your convictions have long been in need of an upgrade and it’s keeping you away from a life of happiness?

What if you just kept an open mind and gave people a chance to be themselves? Maybe you’ll have more friends that way, which, as we all know, is essential for happiness.

What if you tried something you didn’t think you’d  like at first glance? And that something could actually change your life for the better?

You’ll never know if you remain close-minded and judgmental!

Last words

As we get older, it’s easy to get stuck into patterns and habits even if they aren’t really the most supportive of creating a happy life.

Being willing to let go of unhealthy behaviors that don’t serve us well will create new pathways for happiness to enter our lives. 

Once you let go of these 10 behaviors, you’re automatically opening yourself up to a version of yourself that is more relaxed and at ease, day by day.

With this new perspective and way of living, you can look forward to attracting more and more happiness as you get older.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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