Marcel Deer
Are you tired of bad boys?
Do you want to attract the kind of man who is genuinely nice, warm, and good-hearted instead of a selfish, manipulative, or bratty boy?
If that’s the kind of guy you want to find, there are definitely strategies you can use and ways to meet good guys that you probably haven’t tried yet.
But if you’re still struggling to find the right kind of man, it may be time to step back and take a look at yourself. It just might be that your habits and behaviors are repelling the kinds of guys you actually want to attract.
It’s time to make some changes.
If you want to attract a kind-hearted man, say goodbye to these eight behaviors and start reeling them in!
1) Looking for love in the club
“Grab somebody sexy, tell ‘em hey / Give me everything tonight”
While these lyrics come from Pitbull’s 2011 smash hit Give Me Everything, they could be the words to almost any club song.
This scene is all about hedonism, and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that at all. Many people want to party, have fun, drink, and have sex without getting serious or having any strings attached.
No problem, except if you’re actually looking for a relationship with a nice guy.
Not that there aren’t any nice guys at the club, but it’s more that people are into this lifestyle for the exact reason that they generally aren’t after a relationship.
So if you’re trying to meet a man through this scene only to find guy after guy just interested in a fling, it’s because you’re looking in the wrong place.
Be realistic about your expectations about where you can meet a man who’s actually going to be a great partner. It’s probably not in da club, so start looking elsewhere.
2) Trying to be something you’re not
Do you know why people always give out that old advice “Be yourself” to people who are nervous about going on dates?
Because while it’s the most obvious advice ever, it’s usually the most pertinent as well.
When you meet someone for the first time, especially a potential partner, it’s really easy to present an unreal version of yourself.
After all, you want that person to like you, so you’re definitely going to accentuate your good points and try to reduce or mask your flaws as much as possible.
While this is natural, that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing to do.
Instead, if you focus on being honest and real, you’ll give the guy you’re meeting a much more accurate picture of who you are and what you want.
This is going to help protect you from guys getting the wrong impression about you from the very start, and that’s a lot better than finding out farther into a relationship.
Besides, how do you expect to meet real, good-hearted guys if you’re being fake yourself?
Real people attract other real people, plain and simple!
3) Not being the kind of person you want to attract
One behavior you have to do away with if you want to attract a good guy is to be a good person yourself.
Over the years, I’ve heard so many friends lamenting that if they only found a really good man, they’d stop messing around and would settle down.
They’d start being good only after they meet a good guy!
I don’t know if that’s the same thing as putting the cart before the horse since we all drive cars now, but it sure doesn’t sound like a realistic approach. If you’re not exactly a good person but you want to attract one who’ll help you change, I’m afraid it’s probably not going to happen.
I know they say opposites attract, but in practice, couples tend to get together because they’re more similar than they are different. It’s just that some of their features are different but complementary.
So why would you think you don’t have to be a good person, but you can still attract one into your life?
I think it’s time to say goodbye to this kind of thinking. And it’s time to be the kind of person you want to attract.
4) Ignoring your intuition
If you’ve had a string of unfulfilling relationships with a bunch of guys who are just no good, there’s something you’ve probably been doing wrong.
You know how it is.
You meet a guy who’s drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, affluent, and charismatic, and you melt. But after a date or two, something in your gut starts telling you this isn’t the guy of your dreams after all.
You might pick up on little things like how he always talks about himself or how he’s nice to you but rude to serving staff at the restaurants you go to.
There might just be something whispering to you that he’s not a kind-hearted guy, but you ignore that voice and still give things a try.
A few weeks or months later, though, you get to see the truth of who he is, and you wish you’d listened to your intuition once again.
Is this a pattern in your love life?
If it is, you have to stop ignoring your instincts. You may be letting things like looks and money cloud your judgment, but if you want to make sure you have a really nice guy, you simply can’t ignore them anymore.
5) Playing games
If you want guys to quit playing games with your heart, doesn’t it make sense that you quit playing games with theirs?
Well, it does to me!
Why do people play games in dating and relationships anyway? I guess they’re either not ready for commitment or don’t know what they really want. Sometimes games are power moves, especially things like playing hard to get just to see how much effort a person will make to woo you.
Some people string others along, breadcrumbing someone they only half like because they like getting attention. Others send mixed signals, running hot one moment and cold the next so that the other person has no idea where they really stand.
But kind-hearted guys aren’t going to be interested in playing games or getting played. They know that these games can be negative and hurtful, so they avoid them.
So, guess what? They avoid people who play them, too.
If that’s you, it’s a behavior you’d better say goodbye to right quick.
6) Keeping your options open
Hey, I’m not trying to tell you to commit yourself before you’re sure about a man.
But I’m going to suggest that you make a little change.
If you’re always keeping your options open while you’re seeing if it will work out with one guy, think about how that’s going to make him feel.
Isn’t he going to see you as not being fully committed to trying things with him? Won’t he feel like he’s in some sort of competition instead of just testing the waters of a relationship?
You bet.
So, what can you do to help nice guys stick around while you’re dating them?
Easy. If you’ve found someone you think is a kind-hearted guy and things might be going well, stop dating other people. Go off the dating app radar. Focus on seeing if this will work or not.
If it does, great! If not, you can always go back out there and try again without missing out on anything in the meantime.
7) Being closed
If you have a big, high wall around you that makes you invulnerable, it’s probably also keeping out nice guys.
And that’s not what you want at all, right?
If you’re emotionally closed off, you’re very likely going to seem standoffish or at least hard to get close to. How is that going to attract kind-hearted men who want to really get to know you?
What you should be doing is making yourself at least a little bit more vulnerable. I know this is hard if you’ve been burned before, but without opening up, how can you expect a loving man to be able to love you?
8) Making guys carry your baggage
I know men are supposed to be big and strong, but expecting a guy to have to deal with your emotional baggage just isn’t fair.
I know you’ve been hurt before. We all have.
But nice guys don’t want to be distrusted because your ex cheated on you or lied to you all the time.
If you blame new guys for the things that happened with the old ones, you’re going to have a lot of trouble with any relationship.
Last words
If you want to attract a kind-hearted man, say goodbye to these eight behaviors to help yourself become a nice guy magnet.
Choose one or two of the ones that really speak to you to focus on, and you’ll start seeing differences in your love life right away!
