Farley Ledgerwood
As children grow into adulthood, their relationship with their parents inevitably evolves.
Maintaining a strong connection requires understanding, flexibility, and effective communication.
However, certain behaviors can inadvertently drive a wedge between parents and their adult children—so, fear not, things can change—and the secret lies in identifying and letting go of certain behaviors.
In this article, we’ll explore eight behaviors that you might need to reconsider if you want to foster a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your adult children:
1) Letting go of judgment
Judgments are as thorny as it gets.
They creep up on us, often without our conscious knowledge, and once they take root, they’re tough to pull up—all we can do is recognize them for what they are and consciously decide to let them go.
However, parents often find this particularly challenging because they’re heavily invested in the lives of their children, even when they’re adults.
It’s not always a good thing because many adult children feel suffocated by the judgmental attitudes of their parents; they can sense when you’re judging their choices, their lifestyle, or their values.
This creates a barrier between you, making open and honest communication much harder.
Wanting a stronger relationship with your adult children means judgment is one of the first things you need to let go of.
2) Dropping the “know-it-all” attitude
Being a parent means having years of experience under our belts; it’s only natural that we want to use that experience to guide our children, even when they’re all grown up.
But here’s the thing I learned the hard way: A few years ago, my adult son was facing a difficult decision about his career.
I instinctively jumped in with my advice, thinking I was helping—I told him what I thought he should do, based on my life’s experiences.
I thought I was being helpful, but what I didn’t realize was that my “know-it-all” attitude was actually pushing him away.
It took a heart-to-heart conversation for me to realize that he only needed me to listen, to understand, and to support him in whatever decision he made, not receive multiple advices in one go.
Your words aren’t always wisdom—sometimes, your adult children just need you to lend an ear, not a lecture.
3) Saying goodbye to constant worry
Worry is a part of being a parent, no matter how old your children get.
But did you know that our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative? It’s a survival trait, helping us anticipate potential dangers.
However, this constant worry can weigh heavily on your relationship with your adult children as it can lead to overprotective behaviors, suffocating their independence and creating unnecessary tension.
Said adult children are already capable of making their own decisions and dealing with life’s challenges.
Take a step back, breathe, and let them navigate their own course.
4) Ditching the guilt trips
Guilt trips are a no-go.
Using guilt to manipulate our children into doing what we think is best for them but it’s not the healthiest way to communicate.
In fact, guilt trips can create resentment and damage your relationship with your adult children.
Guilt-tripping can make them feel like they’re not living up to your expectations, or worse, that they’re disappointing you.
Instead of using guilt as a tool, try using empathy and understanding—this will foster a healthier and stronger relationship with your adult children.
5) Learning to respect boundaries
Boundaries are crucial, especially with adult children.
Take it from me, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way: I used to think that because I’m their parent, I had a right to know everything about my adult children’s lives.
But I was wrong.
When my daughter moved to a different city, I found myself constantly checking in on her, asking about her day-to-day life.
All it took for me to put a hold on my constant nagging was a candid conversation for me to realize that I was crossing boundaries and infringing on her independence.
Respecting boundaries simply means you respect their autonomy and their privacy because your adult children have their own lives now.
I understand that it might be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s essential for a healthier relationship with your adult children.
6) Saying no to always being the fixer
As parents, our instinct is to jump in and fix things when our children are in trouble.
However, being the fixer isn’t the best role to play.
Sure, you’ve been around the block a few more times than your adult children, but constantly swooping in to save the day can rob them of valuable life lessons and personal growth opportunities.
Believe it or not, stepping back and letting your adult children handle their own challenges can actually strengthen your relationship.
This shows them that you trust their judgment and capabilities, fostering mutual respect.
Control yourself to stand by their side as their support system.
7) Giving up on unrealistic expectations
Expectations are a tricky business.
As parents, we naturally have hopes and dreams for our children—when these turn into unrealistic expectations, it can strain your relationship with your adult children.
Imposing your own expectations can make them feel pressured and misunderstood, whether it’s about their career choices, lifestyle, or even their parenting style.
They’re individuals with their own dreams and aspirations—just embrace and support the life they choose.
8) Letting go of the parent-child hierarchy
Do you want the harsh truth? Your children aren’t children anymore.
They’re adults, with their own lives, experiences, and perspectives—so it’s best to parent them as adult children rather than as the young children you raised.
Treating them as equals, rather than as children who need guidance, is fundamental to strengthening your relationship.
Letting go of the parent-child hierarchy means you’re focused on mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance.
It’s not just good for your relationship with them, but for you as well.
Embracing the journey of change
If you’ve made it this far, you must be genuinely committed to strengthening your relationship with your adult children.
Change is recognizing that there’s always room for growth; by changing certain behaviors, you not only improve your relationship with your adult children but also foster personal growth and a deeper understanding of yourself.
Embracing this journey allows you to transition from being just a parent to becoming a friend, confidante, and essential part of their lives.
After all, every step you take brings you closer to the relationship you aspire to have with your adult children.
