If you truly want to be a better person, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

Let’s be honest for a moment – we all have room for improvement.

Whether it’s that tiny voice in your head that gets judgy or that impulsive desire to snag the last slice of pizza without asking, there’s always something.

But self-improvement isn’t about perfection. It’s about recognizing those behaviors that hold us back, and making the conscious effort to change.

Here’s 9 behaviors that, if you say goodbye to them, will put you on a path to being an even better version of yourself.

1. Playing the blame game

No one likes to be wrong. It stings.

However, constantly shifting the blame onto others when things don’t go our way is a one-way ticket to stagnation.

When we dodge responsibility, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and grow.

Imagine being at work and missing a deadline. Instead of owning up and figuring out how to make things right, you blame the colleague who didn’t send the data on time or the software that kept crashing.

Sure, these factors might have contributed, but are they entirely to blame? And what can you do differently next time?

Taking responsibility isn’t about self-flagellation. It’s about empowerment.

When we acknowledge our role in situations, both good and bad, we become proactive problem solvers rather than passive complainers.

2. Negative self-talk

I remember a time when I’d look in the mirror and my first thought would be something I wished I could change.

Whether it was wishing for clearer skin, or berating myself for a mistake I made days ago, negative self-talk was my unwanted companion.

Sound familiar?

The truth is, we often are our own harshest critics. I’ve realized that the words I’d sometimes tell myself, I’d never dream of saying to a friend.

So why did I think it was okay to say them to myself?

This inner critic, if left unchecked, can seriously limit our potential. So trying challenging that inner voice more.

When it says you can’t, ask, “Why not?” For every negative thought, try to combat it with a positive one. Instead of “I’m terrible at this,” try “I’m still learning, and that’s okay.”

3. Say ‘yes’ all the time

“Can you help me with this?” “Yes.” “Would you like to join our club?” “Sure.” “Can you cover my shift?” “Of course.”

Sounds generous, right? We often equate saying ‘yes’ with being kind and helpful.

But, there’s a hidden danger here: spreading yourself too thin.

Saying ‘no’ can sometimes be the kindest thing you do for both yourself and others.

Think about it. When you’re overloaded, stressed, and on the brink of burnout, can you really give your best to everything and everyone?

The quality of your ‘yes’ improves dramatically when you’re selective about where you invest your energy and time.

By saying ‘no’ more often, you’re not shutting out opportunities but rather ensuring that when you do commit to something, you can give it your all.

4. Living in the past

Dwelling on bygone moments? Stop.

We all have regrets, missed opportunities, and “what ifs.” But constantly looking back anchors you to a time that’s no longer relevant.

Today’s moments are fleeting; don’t miss them because you’re stuck reminiscing about an old love or that time a friend disrespected you. 

5. Seeking external validation

I used to constantly seek approval from others.

Whether it was the clothes I wore or the decisions I made, I craved that nod of validation. It felt good, for a moment. But I soon realized that this external applause was fleeting.

What I’ve since understood is that the most important validation comes from within.

Sure, it’s great when someone praises you, but if I don’t believe in myself or my choices, that praise feels empty. Conversely, when I am confident in my decisions and value my own worth, external criticisms or the lack of applause doesn’t shake me.

In life, there’s a myriad of voices telling us what’s “right” or “successful.”

But at the end of the day, it’s essential to listen to our own voice and recognize our intrinsic worth. You’re not defined by the number of likes, the nods of approval, or the compliments you receive.

I’ve found a lot of inner peace in recognizing this.

6. Pursuing constant positivity

Happiness. It’s the emotion we’re often told to chase relentlessly.

From motivational posters to social media feeds, there’s an overwhelming message: Stay positive. Always.

But here’s a twist: It’s okay not to be okay.

Life isn’t all sunshine and butterflies. There are gloomy moments and periods of doubt.

By forcing a constant state of positivity, we suppress genuine emotions and rob ourselves of the full human experience.

I think that sadness, frustration, and anger have as much to teach us as joy and contentment do. These feelings can act as compasses, guiding us to what truly matters and helping us grow as people.

To me, authenticity beats forced positivity any day.

7. Aiming for perfection

Perfection was once my middle name.

I would pore over tasks, making sure every detail was just right. If I made a minor mistake at work, it felt like the end of the world. I believed that to succeed and to be valued, everything I did had to be flawless.

But over time, I realized that aiming for perfection was not only exhausting but also an illusion.

Those minor flaws in my work or the occasional blunders taught me more than any ‘perfect’ endeavor ever did.

And by seeking perfection, we set ourselves up for constant disappointment.

It really is an endless cycle, because perfection is subjective and often unattainable. What’s perfect to one person might be flawed to another.

So, instead of getting bogged down by the elusive chase of perfection, try focusing learning from your experiences and enjoying the journey, missteps and all. 

8. Avoiding tough conversations

Facing conflict head-on isn’t fun.

Many of us dodge difficult conversations, hoping problems will vanish on their own.

But, in reality, avoiding these talks often leads to bigger issues.

Address concerns directly and promptly. It not only resolves conflicts faster but also strengthens trust and understanding in relationships.

9. Comparing yourself to others

I’ll confess, I’ve lost countless hours scrolling through social media, watching the highlights of other people’s lives, and then looking at my own with a hint of envy.

“Am I lagging behind?” I’d wonder. 

But with time, I’ve realized the futility of doing this. 

When I shifted my focus from what others were doing to what I was achieving and how I was growing, everything changed. I felt more content, more in control, and, most importantly, more genuine.

At the end of the day, it’s about being the best version of you, not a second-rate version of someone else.


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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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