Isabella Chase
Does your partner’s behavior feel a bit off? Do you ever question if they may be manipulating you or you’re just overreacting?
Recognizing the signs of a covert narcissist can be particularly tricky because their manipulation often flies under the radar.
The key lies in the subtleties. Covert narcissists don’t parade their self-importance openly, but mask it behind a facade, making it harder to identify.
In this article, we’ll explore nine subtle signs that could indicate you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.
By understanding these signs, you’ll be better equipped to assess your relationship and gain clarity on whether your concerns are valid.
1) They’re a master of disguise
Covert narcissists are often skilled at hiding their true colors.
This isn’t your typical braggart who boasts about their achievements at every possible chance. No, a covert narcissist is a lot more subtle.
They might not make grandiose claims, but they have an uncanny knack of making every conversation revolve around them.
Even when they appear to be interested in you, they’re often just setting the stage to shift the focus back onto themselves.
It can be tricky to identify this trait because it’s so well disguised. But once you see it, it’s hard to unsee.
2) They constantly play the victim
You know, it’s funny how certain patterns start to emerge once you’re aware of them.
In my own experience, I was dating someone who was always the victim. No matter what happened, somehow they were the one being wronged.
The broken coffee machine at work ruined their day. The traffic jam was a conspiracy against them getting home on time.
Even when I had a bad day, it somehow became about how my mood was affecting them.
It was subtle, and it took me a while to see the pattern. But once I did, it was like a lightbulb switched on.
They weren’t just unlucky; they were a covert narcissist using victimhood to center themselves in every scenario.
3) Lack of empathy
One characteristic that’s often associated with covert narcissism is a lack of empathy.
This isn’t just about being a bit insensitive now and then; it’s an ongoing inability to understand or share the feelings of others.
Researchers have found that individuals high in covert narcissism showed lower levels of empathy compared to those low in these traits.
In a relationship, this could mean that your partner often dismisses your feelings or fails to show understanding when you’re upset. They might even make you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.
4) They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator makes the victim question their reality.
This is a common tactic used by covert narcissists.
In a relationship, this might look like your partner denying that certain events ever happened or insisting that you’re remembering things wrong. They might make you question your judgement, making you feel like you’re going crazy.
It’s a subtle and destructive form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling confused and insecure.
5) They give you the silent treatment
The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation often used by covert narcissists. It involves ignoring or refusing to engage in communication with you as a form of punishment.
You might find that your partner:
- Stops talking to you
- Ignores your texts
- Becomes emotionally distant when they’re upset
This can leave you feeling anxious, guilty, or desperate to make amends, even when you’re not at fault.
Recognizing this behavior is crucial. It’s not about pointing fingers, but understanding that the silent treatment is a form of control and manipulation.
6) They make you feel less than
This one is a bit more emotional, a bit more close to the heart.
Covert narcissists have a way of making you feel insignificant. They might:
- Belittle your achievements
- Make you doubt your worth
- Subtly undermine your confidence
You might start feeling like you’re not enough, like you need to do more, be more, to deserve their love or attention.
This can be extremely damaging to your self-esteem and overall wellbeing.
Recognizing this behavior is crucial as it’s about understanding that no one has the right to make you feel less than you are.
7) They’re always right
There was someone in my life once who seemed to be incapable of admitting they were wrong.
Even when faced with undeniable evidence, they’d find a way to twist the situation and come out on top.
In arguments, they’d use clever words and logical loopholes to make their point. Even if it hurt me. Even if it meant stretching the truth.
Being with someone who is always right can be exhausting. It can make you feel unheard, invalidated, and sometimes even foolish.
8) They’re passive-aggressive
Dealing with a covert narcissist often means dealing with passive-aggressive behavior.
This can involve offhand comments, indirect criticisms, or subtle digs all aimed at undermining you without being openly confrontational.
You might find that your partner gives you backhanded compliments or makes sarcastic remarks that leave you feeling uncomfortable.
Or they might sulk or withdraw when they don’t get their way, leaving you walking on eggshells.
9) They lack genuine remorse
At the heart of it all, a covert narcissist lacks genuine remorse.
When they hurt you, they might apologize if it serves their purpose, but it’s rarely accompanied by the sincerity of true remorse.
This lack of genuine regret can be one of the most painful aspects of being in a relationship with a covert narcissist. It can make you feel like your feelings don’t matter, like your pain is insignificant.
Everyone deserves to be in a relationship where their feelings are respected and their pain is acknowledged.
Your feelings matter. Your pain matters. And you deserve to be with someone who recognizes that.
Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not condemning
Recognizing the signs of a covert narcissist can be a challenging and emotional process, but it’s crucial for understanding your relationship dynamics and protecting your well-being.
If you’ve identified these subtle behaviors in your partner, it’s important to trust your instincts and consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor.
Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you’re treated with respect and empathy.
No matter how entangled you may feel in this complex web of covert narcissism, remember there is always help and there is always hope. You are not alone in this journey.
