If you recognize these 10 subtle signs, your partner has been taking you for granted

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Ever felt like you’re being overlooked by your partner? 

Sometimes, it’s not the big things but the small gestures that start missing—like a simple “thanks” or a text to check in. 

If you’re feeling a bit taken for granted, you’re not alone. 

We’re going to talk about 10 subtle signs that might mean your partner isn’t appreciating you as much as they should. 

It’s a heads-up to look at your relationship a bit more closely because you deserve to feel valued every day.

Let’s dive in. 

1) Your needs take a backseat

Does it seem like your partner’s needs always take priority over yours? This is a pretty common scenario, and it often happens so subtly that we don’t notice until it’s too late. 

When your needs consistently take a backseat to your partner’s, it can leave you feeling undervalued and overlooked. It’s one thing to compromise occasionally, which is a healthy part of any relationship. 

But it’s another when you find yourself always adjusting your wants, your schedule, and even your values to fit into your partner’s life with little reciprocation. 

This imbalance can slowly erode the foundation of mutual respect and care that relationships need to thrive.

For example, imagine you’ve been looking forward to a quiet weekend at home after a particularly stressful week. You’ve mentioned this to your partner multiple times, hoping for some quality downtime together. 

However, at the last minute, your partner decides to host a dinner party for some friends from work, assuming you’ll be okay with it because you usually go along with such plans. 

In doing so, they’ve not only disregarded your expressed need for rest but also assumed your flexibility without consultation. 

This scenario isn’t just about a changed weekend plan; it’s a clear sign that your needs and desires are being overshadowed by your partner’s. And that’s not the hallmark of a balanced and respectful relationship.

2) They forget important dates

I have this friend, let’s call her Lisa. Lisa once shared with me how her boyfriend consistently forgot important dates – their anniversary, her birthday, you name it. 

She brushed it off at first, thinking he just wasn’t good with dates.

But over time, she realized something. He remembered his friends’ birthdays. He remembered the dates of his favorite sports team’s games. 

It was just her important dates that seemed to slip his mind. So what gives?

If your partner forgets special occasions or milestones in your relationship while remembering others, it could suggest that they’re not valuing you as much as they should.

3) You’re always the one to initiate communication

In a balanced relationship, both parties should be equally invested in maintaining communication. 

But if you’re always the one to initiate text conversations or phone calls, it might be indicative of a problem.

Here’s something worth noting: people who are truly interested and invested in someone will go out of their way to initiate communication. 

So if you’re always the one reaching out first, it may be a sign that your partner is taking you for granted.

4) You’re always the one making plans

This is closely connected to my previous point. If all the effort to connect comes from you, then it might be time to consider just how committed your partner is

For instance, in one of my past relationships, I was always the planner. One time, I planned a weekend getaway for us. I arranged everything – the destination, where we’d stay, and the activities we’d do. 

But as the weekend drew closer, I noticed something. My partner hadn’t shown any enthusiasm about the trip, nor offered to help with planning. It was as if he was just going along for the ride.

I realized then that it wasn’t just this trip. I was always the one planning our dates, our holidays, even our grocery list. My partner simply showed up and went along with whatever I had planned.

True, some people might be more of a planner than their partners. Still, passivity in a relationship is kind of a red flag. Even more so if…

5) They often cancel plans

Cancelling plans once in a while is understandable – things come up, schedules change. 

But if it becomes a habit, it’s a problem. If your partner is consistently cancelling plans at the last minute, it shows a lack of respect for your time.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and appreciation. 

If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it might be time to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about how you’re feeling.

6) Your partner doesn’t acknowledge your efforts

Another subtle sign is when your partner takes your efforts for granted and fails to appreciate the love behind them. 

When you love someone, every little thing they do matters. It could be as simple as them making your favorite breakfast or taking care of you when you’re unwell. These actions are manifestations of their love and care for you.

But what happens when these gestures go unnoticed, when they become expected rather than appreciated?

It feels like a punch in the gut, doesn’t it?

You go out of your way to make their day a little better, to show them how much you care. But all you get in return is an indifferent “thanks” or worse, no acknowledgment at all.

7) They don’t ask about your day

When your partner stops asking about your day, it might seem like a small thing at first glance, but it’s actually quite significant. 

This simple question, “How was your day?” is a bridge to sharing experiences, feelings, and thoughts. It’s a way for partners to connect, to show interest in each other’s lives outside of the relationship. 

When that question disappears, it can feel like there is a gap that leaves you feeling isolated.

Imagine, for instance, coming home after a day filled with both triumphs and challenges. You’ve managed to lead a successful project meeting and then later had to navigate a tense conversation with a coworker. 

Normally, sharing these moments with your partner would be part of your evening ritual, a way to unwind and feel supported. 

But if your partner no longer asks, those experiences stay bottled up inside you.  It shows a lack of interest in your life and experiences, which is not a good sign in any relationship.

Over time, this can lead to a sense of disconnection within the relationship, as both partners drift apart, wrapped up in their own worlds. 

Reestablishing this daily touchpoint of sharing can be a key step in showing care and maintaining the emotional intimacy that keeps a relationship strong.

8) Your partner doesn’t include you in their future plans

I once had a partner who would always talk about his future – the places he wanted to visit, the house he wanted to buy, even the dog he wanted to adopt. 

But what struck me was that I was never part of these plans. It was always “I” and never “we”.

Does that sound familiar to you? If your partner often talks about their future without including you in it, it could be a sign that they’re taking you for granted

Your partner should see you as an integral part of their future, and if they don’t, it might be time to have a serious conversation.

9) They don’t make an effort to resolve conflicts

When your partner doesn’t make an effort to resolve conflicts, it sends a strong message about the value they place on your relationship. 

Conflict, in any form of human connection, is inevitable. What matters is not the absence of conflict but the willingness to address it and work through it together. 

This commitment to resolution is a cornerstone of a healthy, thriving relationship. Without it, unresolved issues can pile up, creating a barrier that slowly pushes partners apart.

So, if your partner resorts to: 

  • Brushing off the conversation
  • Changing the subject
  • Walking away

…it can be a sign that they don’t care enough to fix the problem. 

Granted, some people may simply be non-confrontational and find it hard to thresh out issues. Even so, that’s what relationships call for – the effort to talk and resolve disagreements. 

Your partner should value your feelings enough to want to find common ground and resolve any issues.

10) Your achievements are downplayed

Does your partner celebrate your successes? Or do they brush it off or worse, downplay it? 

Believe me, this feels absolutely crushing. For me, it was the last straw in my relationship. 

I still remember the day I got promoted at work. I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to share the news with my partner. 

But instead of celebrating with me, his reaction was lukewarm, with a comment like, “That’s good, but it’s not like you’re the CEO now.” And then he went on playing his video game.

Needless to say, I felt diminished. I felt alone and suddenly less confident. And that’s when I realized, anyone who makes me feel this way isn’t worth my efforts. 

A caring partner would be happy with you and for you. They should be your biggest cheerleader, and if they’re not, it might be time to rethink your relationship.

Final thoughts

Realizing you’re being taken for granted can be hard, but it doesn’t mean you have to end things right away. It’s actually a chance to talk and make things better. 

Sometimes, people don’t even realize they’re taking their partner for granted until it’s pointed out. 

So, having an honest chat about how you feel and what’s been bothering you is a good first step. This can help your partner see what’s going on and change their ways.

But remember, it’s important to see if things really change after you talk. If nothing gets better, then you might need to think about what’s best for you in the long run.

Being appreciated and respected is key in any relationship. So, always remember your worth and what you deserve.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

Women who live their lives to the fullest usually share these 9 traits

If you really want to boost your productivity, science says start doing these 9 things every day