Paul Brian
How compatible are you and your partner?
Whether you’ve been together a long time or are just starting out in a relationship, it’s certainly a question worth asking.
Let’s be real:
Every couple is different and has their own love journey.
But there are certain common experiences and relationship traits to look for that show a high level of compatibility between two people in a relationship.
Here they are:
1) You’re mutually vulnerable
You open up to each other and aren’t afraid to show your soul.
You never have the feeling that if you take a risk and be real then your partner might reject you or shrink away.
You can share who you are and your partner will do the same. You can speak your truth and so can they.
You don’t always agree, but you feel that safety where you’re able to share and open up.
If you both feel comfortable being vulnerable around each other, sharing your fears, insecurities, and weaknesses without judgment.
2) You show each other empathy
It can be hard to show empathy to others, even those you love.
But when you and your partner do your best to consistently show care and empathy for each other, your compatibility is on fire.
You both consistently demonstrate empathy towards each other, actively listening and responding to each other’s emotions.
Your affection and love for your partner – and vice versa – is bringing out the best in each of you. You want to become a better person and truly see, hear and respect your partner.
As clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D. observes:
“Many feel compatible with their partner when, above all else, they feel validated and seen.”
3) Your non-verbal communication is solid
Talking only goes so far. In fact too much talking and back-and-forth on every little thing can be a sign of a dysfunctional or insecure couple.
A lot of compatibility is seen in body language and non-verbal communication.
It’s seen in the way that you relate to and communicate with each other which goes beyond the verbal.
If you can understand each other without words, through subtle gestures, expressions, or body language.
This relates directly to the next point as well:
4) Your intuitive link is intense
How intuitively do you connect to your partner?
Can you usually sense how they feel, when they’re turned on, when they’re angry, when they’re distracted?
Having a strong intuitive link is a clear sign of emotional compatibility and resonance.
It means you’re able to feel each other’s moods and needs often at the non-verbal level.
You feel intuitively linked in a way that transcends the need for labels or description.
If you feel an intuitive connection, where you can often anticipate each other’s needs and moods without explicit communication, you’re compatible far beyond average levels.
5) You’re able to disagree respectfully
Disagreements come up in every couple, no matter how happy.
It can be something as simple as a scheduling conflict and as complex as having different values or beliefs in terms of what motivates you.
Agreement isn’t always an option. The time comes when you may have to respectfully agree to disagree.
If you can navigate conflicts with respect and understanding, and sometimes agree to disagree, it’s a definite sign of compatibility.
As Solomon found in a poll she herself conducted, very few respondents thought of compatibility as having the same interests or agreeing.
“As seen here, the notion of compatibility seems to expand past the basic idea of sharing similar characteristics with a partner,” she notes. “In fact, being on the same page or even in agreement on a topic is barely alluded to in the table above.”
6) You celebrate successes together
Healthy compatibility is all about teamwork.
Life is difficult and confusing enough without also competing and having a rivalry with your partner.
When you genuinely celebrate each other’s achievements, no matter how big or small, and support each other’s goals, it’s a sign of true emotional compatibility.
You feel joy when your partner feels joy, and share in their successes.
You are not dependent on them feeling joy, nor do you rely on it, but you enjoy seeing it and are truly happy for them as they progress in life.
7) You get through hard times together
Hard times come to every couple, and many times these difficult periods aren’t even to do with the relationship:
They may be illness, financial setbacks, accidents or conflicts at work.
They may be family problems or a personal crisis.
But when you’re a compatible couple, you face these hard times together and support each other.
You know that you’re never responsible for your partner’s wellbeing and codependency plays zero role here: but you do feel glad about voluntarily being a support and asset to the person you love, and they clearly feel the same about you.
That’s a great thing.
If you’ve faced challenges or hardships together and come out stronger as a couple, it demonstrates real resilience and teamwork.
8) You have shared priorities and goals
Agreeing is not a prerequisite to compatibility, as Solomon points out.
There are times when agreeing too much can actually stifle your growth as individuals and as a couple.
Nonetheless, having shared goals and practical objectives is a definite sign that you’re a compatible couple.
If you both have similar emotional priorities and goals in the relationship, such as building trust, fostering intimacy, and ensuring emotional well-being.
You want something similar out of the relationship, and you have life goals that also overlap in real and deep ways.
9) You laugh and have fun together
No matter how good a relationship may look on paper, it’s not worth much if every day is a grim and serious routine.
If you share a sense of humor and find joy in similar things, making each other laugh and lightening the mood during difficult times, you have a compatibility that many couples don’t.
If you find your partner genuinely funny and find they brighten your day with their jokes and the way they sometimes look at things, you’ve dug up a diamond.
This is what a relationship should be:
Plenty of responsibilities and all the serious stuff, but a lot of fun, too. Life’s too short to be chained to somebody who you don’t actually find that interesting or fun to be around.
10) You want each other to grow and learn
If you support each other’s personal growth and development, encouraging individual aspirations and evolving together as a couple, you have a high and enviable compatibility.
This is the kind of couple that others want to be like.
A couple which is committed and respectful but which still leaves freedom for each other to grow and learn.
There’s mutual respect along with freedom to move and live your own lives. You don’t feel defined by the relationship, nor do you feel slotted in a role:
If anything, the love you share helps each of you become even more authentically genuine.
Compatibility, all things considered
Compatibility matters. But it’s less about traits and share interests than it is about shared emotional affinity, humor and complementary ways of looking at the world.
Agreement isn’t always necessary, and neither is harmony. Sometimes disagreement leads to growth, and no relationship should be neat and perfect.
Even more importantly, sometimes areas where you and your partner clash can actually be zones of opportunity.
“There are also gifts hidden within our incompatibilities,” notes Solomon.
“If your story is that loving your partner across this difference gives you that chance to learn, grow, flex, and extend yourself, then you can actually become grateful for the differences between you.”
