Isabella Chase
Let me guess.
You’ve just started seeing someone, and for the first time in forever, you feel truly seen and heard.
More than that, you feel loved and cared for. This person seems to be completely smitten by you – obsessed with you, even – and your self-esteem is thriving as a result.
But despite it all, there’s that nagging voice at the back of your mind telling you that something isn’t quite… right.
Isn’t this just a little bit too quick? Aren’t they just a little bit too into you? And is it normal to feel so confused?
Well, let’s see.
Below are the 8 signs you’re being love-bombed by a narcissist. If they don’t really fit your situation, you get to tick one concern off your list. Yay!
If they do… you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with this person.
1) Your relationship seems to progress very quickly
Some people fall in love faster than others. That’s perfectly normal.
However, there is a difference between establishing a strong connection with someone early on in the relationship and planning a marriage two weeks after your first date.
No matter how strong your connection or how similar your values, the truth of the matter is that you are still essentially strangers to one another.
You haven’t witnessed each other’s long-term habits, you haven’t gone through any rough patches together, and there is still a great deal of stuff you don’t know about one another.
Despite it all, the person you’re dating seems to be set on marrying you and spending the rest of their life with you.
Uhm.
2) They view you and your connection as something extraordinary
When you fall in love at fourteen, you think that the object of your affection is the most unique person in the entire world.
When you start dating someone in your twenties or thirties, however, experience has taught you better than to consider your connection to be something sacred and extraordinary.
In the early stages of a relationship, you are basically two people who get on extremely well. Over time, you will see whether you truly are an amazing match, but as it stands now, all you can do is go with the flow and enjoy spending time with one another.
Narcissists don’t think that way, though.
A narcissistic person tends to have fleeting relationships that crash the moment things get real, which means they usually ride the infatuation wave before they ultimately disappear out of your life.
When you’re dating a love-bombing narcissist, you may regularly hear phrases such as:
- “I think fate has brought us together”
- “I believe you are my soulmate/twin flame”
- “I have never met anyone like you”
- “You are so unique I can’t imagine dating anyone better”
- “What you and I share is more than love. It’s something extraordinary”
While it feels amazing to hear stuff like this, remember that this person doesn’t actually know you properly.
The fact that they’re saying you are their soulmate after such a short time spent together is a red flag.
3) They’re already planning their future with you
On a similar note, planning your future with someone you’ve known for a week or a month is just not it.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely normal to discuss your future plans and dreams with the people you date. After all, conversations of this kind allow you to get to know each other better and figure out whether you match or not.
But watch out for phrases such as these:
- “I can’t wait to marry you and be the father/mother of your children”
- “You’re the only person in this whole world I want to spend my forever with”
- “I want to marry you pretty soon, I don’t plan on waiting too long”
The problem is that what narcissists say and what they do are two largely different things. They may be planning their future with you one week and completely vanish the next because they ultimately aren’t being serious.
They’re just saying what they think you want to hear.
4) They shower you with lavish gifts or grand gestures of love
It’s one thing to send the person you fancy a song or write them a cute little poem.
It’s another story entirely to buy them expensive jewelry, take them on lavish holidays, and send them a huge bouquet of flowers every single morning.
The first says, “I like you. I like spending time with you.”
The latter screams, “I am pursuing you with all my heart and soul!”
What’s more, love bombers aren’t usually showering you with affection just for the fun of it. They tend to have ulterior motives.
Usually, they’re in it for validation. If you fall in love with them, admire them, and get attached, they will get a little ego boost and feel better about themselves.
And when they’re bored at the end of it all… they’ll just move on to the next person.
5) They encourage you to open up but don’t display vulnerability themselves
A narcissistic person likes to remain a mystery for as long as possible. This is because they ultimately don’t want to reveal any weaknesses or bad traits as that would hurt their inflated ego.
However, that doesn’t mean they won’t encourage you to open up. In fact, a love bomber may do exactly that because the more information they have about you, the easier it is to get under your skin.
Moreover, the act of being vulnerable with someone will probably help you get more attached, and if the narcissist in question makes you feel seen and understood… well, that’s a recipe for a disaster if I’ve ever seen one.
Whenever you’re being encouraged to open up, ask the other person a question, too. Slowly but surely, you may begin to realize that you’re the only one being vulnerable here.
6) They don’t like to talk about their past
I’ve recently spoken to a narcissist I know personally, and as we talked about his new romantic relationship, he sighed and shook his head. “She likes to talk about the past and ask me questions. That’s just plain wrong.”
“That’s actually really good, though,” I said. “It helps you get to know each other better.”
He swiftly changed the topic.
We’ve all gone through some negative experiences in the past. Talking about them with someone you trust helps you establish a strong and intimate bond.
But since narcissists would rather steer clear of anything that paints them in a negative light, they will generally refuse to discuss their past with you, be it their romantic relationships or family issues.
“Let’s focus on the here and now,” they might say. “The past doesn’t matter. What matters is our future together.”
Look, this is all good and well, but you should actually know who it is you’re planning that future with.
And one way to find that out is by… bingo.
Talking about the past.
7) They blow up your phone 24/7
In the 21st century, falling in love kind of goes hand in hand with constant texting. Not always, of course – some people aren’t in the texting business at all, and that’s completely valid.
But it’s all about balance.
If you text a few times a day and have intense conversations from time to time, it’s not a big deal.
If the person you’re dating keeps blowing up your phone every time you don’t respond for longer than a few hours, though, you might be dealing with a love bomber.
A person my friend was once seeing got angry when she didn’t reply to his messages whilst on a plane. Explaining to him there was no signal on planes didn’t help.
If you feel like you can’t catch a breath because this person just keeps initiating contact all the damn time…
It’s a big sign you’re being love-bombed.
8) They eventually grow tired of the game
A love bomber will never love bomb you forever. The chances are, once they get a bit tired of the game and realize your relationship is getting more serious, they will grow distant.
And eventually… they’ll disappear out of your life.
This is the part that leaves many people confused. Did you do something wrong? Did you say something to drive them away? What happened?
But if this sounds familiar, I want you to remember that none of this is your fault. Narcissists can be incredibly charming, especially if they love bomb you in just the right way.
However, you deserve someone so much better than that. You deserve stable and constant affection, long-term commitment, and a genuine connection.
And if you keep your standards high and remain aware of any potential red flags, you’ll eventually get there.
