Paul Brian
Introverts tend to be highly self-aware and emotionally intelligent. But they also have a reputation for being loners.
This is true in many cases. But being a bit of an outsider doesn’t mean introverts are clueless about crowds and socializing.
In fact, many introverts have a higher than average level of social intelligence and ability to understand, influence and interact with people and get to what you really want.
Are you one of these socially intelligent introverts?
Let’s take a look…
1) You dislike meaningless small talk
You’re not big on small talk.
While you understand its role as a social lubricant and to “warm up” in an interaction, you’d rather just avoid it.
You tend to stay quiet unless and until things get a bit deeper.
At the same time, you respect that other people like small talk or find it a way to ease nerves when they first meet somebody or start talking to them.
2) You have a rich inner life and emotional depth
You’re highly self-aware and often spend time contemplating the deeper side of life.
You appreciate the beauty of other people, and even though you prefer to avoid large crowds and hectic social scenes, you are very observant and appreciative.
You don’t always talk a lot to people (at least not right away) but you notice a lot about them that others miss, and you enjoy getting to know them beyond the superficial.
3) You like deep conversations and topics
When conversations turn deep, you often have a lot to contribute.
You think carefully about what you say and why, but you enjoy philosophical and deep topics.
You also like giving advice to friends and colleagues where it can be really useful and make a difference in their lives.
4) You are highly adaptable to different people and communication styles
You prefer deeper topics, but you’re far from picky when it comes to people’s social style.
In fact, your introversion makes you very attuned to the way people communicate and very able to adapt.
You’re able to enter a discussion at just the right time to make a good impression and then be on your way.
You may not bare your soul or accept an invitation to go to a huge party, but you make a quiet comment or two and are appreciated for your input.
5) You often feel alone in a crowd especially when it’s overcome by emotion
When you’re in a large crowd you may find it a bit disorienting, although it can also be fascinating.
When a crowd becomes very angry or happy or carried away, however, you might find difficulty relating to it.
Or you may feel like you’re somehow set apart or “different” in some way that’s hard to define rather than being fully caught up in the moment.
6) You have detailed insight into what motivates and drives somebody
Your high social intelligence gives you insightful knowledge about people’s psychology.
You can walk in a room and quickly have a feel for the “vibe” as well as for the approximate motivations of people talking to each other and interacting.
Your position as being a bit on the outside has given you a keen eye for understanding what somebody wants or is motivated by, and you use this knowledge for your own benefit and to make friends and connections.
7) You prefer to avoid unnecessary arguments and drama
When it comes to fighting and conflict, you’d rather avoid it.
The difference is that you’re not winging it or just refusing to fight, you’re actually able to defuse and deescalate many fights that aren’t necessary.
You can see when somebody is baiting you to get upset and you know how to not take it personally and dodge the entire drama.
You have better things to do with your time.
8) You don’t just hear the words people say, you hear what’s behind them
Introverted folks tend to be very skilled at active listening.
As professor and author Ronald Riggio, Ph.D. writes:
“Socially intelligent people are good, active listeners.
They not only pick up on what others are saying, but they make the other person feel as though they were heard, understood, and had a good and rewarding connection.”
9) You create a safe environment for others to feel respected and seen
Your social intelligence and perceptiveness gives you a wide view of what’s going on around you.
You can see that many people even more reserved than you need to feel safe and heard in order to open up.
You do your best at home, at work and everywhere in between to foster spaces like that which are inclusive for everyone.
10) You’re gracious enough to accept a sincere apology
When somebody says sorry, you’re more than likely to accept.
You don’t like holding grudges, nor do you really see the purpose of doing so.
It just weighs you down and ends the chance at reconciliation. If somebody made a mistake and they’re truly sorry, you’ll do your best to give them another chance.
11) You use specific and accurate language to express yourself
Introverts don’t just stay at home drinking tea and reading.
In fact, an estimated 40% of top CEOs are introverted and so are many celebrities like Lady Gaga, Emma Watson and Christina Aguilera.
Being a celebrity who is adored by crowds doesn’t mean these people are inherently outgoing, and many famous people have intensely private selves that they guard offstage.
But at the same time they are highly socially intelligent and able to connect with fans in a way that few can.
This is a good example of how introversion and social intelligence can combine in unexpected ways.
12) You have high empathy for others and their struggles
Your introspective nature gives you a lot of time for quiet reflection about your own life and the lives of others.
As such, you have developed quite a bit of empathy.
You can see what people are going through and are good at being a quiet shoulder for them to lean on or the person who gives a few low-key words of encouragement at just the right time.
You notice when somebody else really needs a little nudge in the right direction, while less introverted and less socially intelligent people might not even notice.
13) You’re often drawn to relationships with extroverts
As author Sophia Dembling explains in her book “The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World,” introverts are often drawn socially and romantically to extroverts.
This is a case of opposites attract, and also a case of the introvert (you!) enjoying being around the fun zone that the extrovert provides.
If it’s a good match in other aspects, the introvert-extrovert pairing can actually be quite successful.
14) You have an overwhelming inner monolog that never stops
Extroverts don’t have an inner monolog in the same way as introverts according to analysts like Marti Olsen Laney.
They have an easier time not listening to their version of the inner monolog anyway.
It just doesn’t affect them to the same extent.
Your more intense inner life can be a burden, but it also means you engage in a lot more self-analysis and critical thinking that leads to high social intelligence.
15) You own up to your own mistakes and shortcomings
Your own mistakes and shortcomings are things you’re quite aware of.
You can tell when you’ve hurt someone or crossed the line, and you do your best to make up for it.
You aren’t ashamed to own up to what you’ve done, because your high level of social intelligence makes it clear to you that misunderstandings and conflicts don’t get resolved by sitting back and waiting for the other person to always make the first move.
Sometimes it has to be you.
16) You like becoming aware of your own blind spots
Becoming aware of your own blind spots is an ongoing process, but you like it.
You don’t mind constructive criticism and you actually find it useful.
If somebody says you’re too apathetic, you sit back and consider why they said it. Is it true? You want to learn.
This ties into the next point…
17) Your self-awareness grows as you learn from life’s social ups and downs
As an introvert with high social intelligence, you have an ongoing feedback loop.
You learn from your social frustrations and disappointments, as well as from your successes.
You don’t just wing it. You take your experiences into account and learn and grow from them.
18) You’re able to help others navigate their own arguments and issues
Those who graduate to a truly high level of social intelligence are able to help others communicate better as well.
If you find that you’re able to help other folks resolve their own social conflicts then you’re at this level.
You’re introverted, but you’re also highly perceptive.
You use this perceptiveness to help other people recognize their own blind spots and work on their own social intelligence as well.
