Pearl Nash
Are you the main supplier of your happiness or are you relying too much on others?
This is a question we all should ask ourselves if we want to live an authentic life and be genuinely happy.
While happiness is doubled when we’re with others, happiness should always be in “self-start” mode.
So…self-assessment time!
See how many of these 12 signs you see in yourself.
The higher your score, the more dependent you are on others for your happiness.
1) You feel selfish when you prioritize yourself
Do you feel selfish when you’re happy?
Does saying “no” make you feel like a bad person?
When you rely on others for your happiness, it’s very likely that you think others rely on you for their happiness, too.
And this is probably where your guilt is coming from.
Examine your relationship. Maybe you’re getting too codependent!
Look, it’s your duty to make yourself happy.
Take charge of your own happiness so you’ll not feel awful when it actually comes from you.
2) Your mood is highly dependent on the state of your relationships
If your partner has been feeling blue lately, you feel twice as blue.
Even if you have so many reasons to be happy!
It’s hard for you to have your own feelings because you can’t be okay if others aren’t okay.
Not only that. You’re worried about your relationship crumbling, too.
You probably have an anxious attachment style and you can’t just let others experience negative feelings without thinking “oh no, what if I’m the reason they’re unhappy and they’ll leave me.”
If your happiness doesn’t depend too much on others, you won’t be as affected.
You’ll be able to honor your own separate feelings even while caring for them and working on your relationship.
3) You believe you’re worthless without your family and friends
Some people say “My family means the world to me.” or “I’m nothing without my friends!”
And while some say this just because it’s sweet to say such things, you actually mean it—100%.
You’ve built your world around the people you love that you can’t imagine ever losing them.
Yes, many people do love their friends and family with all their heart, but not to the point they can’t be happy without them.
They’re fine when their loved ones go away for a while.
They consider themselves worthy even without playing the role of a father, sister, or friend.
If you believe you’re worthless without your family and friends, your happiness is overly dependent on others.
4) You’re clingy
You want to know that the people you love won’t leave you— ever!
It doesn’t matter if they’re your partner, or mother, or friend…you get anxious when they’re away (or pulling away).
Clinginess comes with a whole set of behaviors, too.
Do you consider yourself jealous, suspicious, and controlling?
Do you ask questions like “Do you still love me?” or “But what time will you come home?”
If you can’t imagine being happy being alone for a while, then your happiness probably depends too much on others.
5) You want to feel like you belong—always!
When you think of happiness, you think of a sense of belonging.
This is the reason why you always want to have a solid friend group, a tight community, and a loving partner.
And if you don’t have any of these, you feel incredibly lonely…like you have nowhere to call “home”.
Do you get a bit depressed when you’re alone on a Friday night? Do you feel sad when you’ve been single for too long?
Your happiness is definitely overly dependent on others.
6) You want to feel loved—always!
So, not only do you want to feel like you belong, you also want to feel like you’re loved…and not just loved, but deeply loved!
If you don’t receive a gift during Valentines, you think your partner doesn’t love you.
If your friend has forgotten to greet you on your birthday, you start to wonder if they’re really your friend.
You can’t just relax and go “Welp, maybe they’re busy. It’s okay.”
It’s never okay for you because you feel betrayed and ignored when they don’t show their love for you.
7) You let others control you
One glaring sign that your happiness is overly dependent on others is that you give them too much power over you.
You put up with controlling behaviors that others simply don’t.
In fact, you kinda feel good when they’re controlling you because you think it’s how “love” should be like—owning each other.
Do you follow your parents’ orders so they’ll love you even more?
Do you let your partner’s opinions affect how you make decisions?
Do you put too much value on what your friends think?
It’s obvious, then. Your happiness is overly dependent on others!
8) You want to be praised for all the sacrifices you’ve done for others
“You’re the best friend anyone could ever have.”
“You really have a big heart.”
These phrases are like music to your ears.
They make you feel so important (and loved) that you’re willing to do anything just to hear them again and again.
And when you don’t get the praise you think you deserve, you sulk!
It makes you feel “used” when people don’t thank you enough.
And that’s because you rely on their love to be happy.
9) You haven’t created a strong relationship with yourself
When you hear the words self-love and self-care, you roll your eyes.
You think they’re too self-indulgent!
For you, love should be given to others and you can only get real love from others.
That’s why you don’t do meditation, introspection, self-reflection, and other self-care activities.
You’d rather spend that time doing things for others. That way, they’ll make you happy in return.
10) You feel lonely when you’re alone
Do you feel sad eating alone?
Do you always long for the day you’ll finally be in a relationship?
Do you always go out because you can’t stand being at home all by yourself?
If you pity yourself every time you’re alone, then it’s clear that your happiness is overly dependent on others.
People who rely mostly on themselves for their happiness don’t feel lonely…not even when they’re alone.
Yes, we do need to be with others from time to time, but if your happiness is on self-start, you’d enjoy your alone time, too.
11) You unconsciously try to impress everyone you meet
Do you find yourself saying things and doing things so others would like you?
Do you notice that you share your achievements even if no one asked about it?
Well, it’s probably not because you’re self-centered!
It’s probably because you’re so desperate to connect with others that you end up saying things just to make them think you’re worthy of their friendship.
A person who has learned to rely on themself to be happy won’t give a damn about impressing others.
They’d just be their authentic self and if they end up gaining friendships, then cool!
12) You’re always assessing your relationships
Because relationships mean the world to you, you always make sure everything’s alright.
When your parents didn’t react to your last message, you worry.
You spend your whole night thinking about your relationship with them and how their non-reaction could mean.
You’d then send another message— “Are you mad at me?” because you can’t imagine ever losing them.
Assessing and obsessing about your relationships has become your hobby.
You always want to make sure you’re still loved because well, you rely on them for happiness.
Final thoughts:
While it’s wonderful to have our friends and family around, we should never put our happiness in their hands!
Not only is it risky—most of the time, it will lead to your own personal unhappiness— your relationship will get toxic, too.
So, take charge of your own happiness.
After all, the only constant person in your life is YOU.
Thankfully, it’s not so hard to do.
