You might think that you’re 100% sure about committing—especially if you’re deeply in love and you’ve been together for a while now.
But dating isn’t all romance.
It’s also about figuring out whether our partner is the right person for us, and if we’re actually ready to commit.
You might think that you’re sure about them…but are you sure about your relationship?
If you can relate to these feelings, you probably aren’t.
1) You feel lost (and it’s been like this for a while now)
You’ve been together for a long time, and yet you still don’t have any strong feelings towards your partner.
They’re… OKAY, and that’s it.
They’re nice to have around but you don’t really feel a need to tie the knot with them.
You had thought that things would get clearer the more time you spend together. But instead, you find yourself even more lost now than you did when you started.
Should you just accept that you can never be 100% sure with anything in life?
Is the problem with you or are they not the one?
You have so many questions about your relationship and about yourself that you often wish someone would just tell you exactly what to do because it’s making you sick.
2) You feel pressured when they mention marriage
Now if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like the idea of marriage in the first place, you can skip this.
But if you’ve always dreamed of marrying the love of your life, and yet you somehow don’t feel comfortable when they bring up marriage, you should take a moment to reflect.
Especially if the two of you have been together for years!
This could mean that there’s still something you need to sort out—either as a couple or as individuals—before you take the next step forward.
Maybe your partner has issues holding on to a job, and you just can’t see yourself marrying someone who can’t even support themselves.
Take a moment to sit down and ask yourself why marriage scares you now when you used to be so excited about it.
3) You’re happy but you feel like something’s missing
You enjoy their company.
They make you feel loved and valued. Conversation with them is always pleasant and full of laughter.
In fact, you find it hard to imagine a world without them by your side.
But at the same time you can’t help but wonder if they’re truly the one for you because there’s just something missing, somehow.
Perhaps you don’t feel like you’ve been pursuing your life’s purpose when you’re with them. Or maybe you want children and they don’t.
Maybe you find that your life, while happy, lacks meaning.
If so, be careful.
Finding another partner isn’t necessarily going to fix this. This is a sign that you might be in the middle of a mid-life crisis.
You’ll want to talk about it to your partner instead to see if there’s anything that can be done to make sure you’re not just happy, but also complete.
4) You feel anxious when thinking about the future
Back when your relationship was still new, you used to spend every day looking forward to your future together.
You’ve already found your life partner, after all!
It was a matter of waiting for “the rest of your life” to start.
And yet, now that this future is right at your doorstep, you’re apprehensive—even scared.
Now you would rather focus on the present than to think about what the future has to offer.
It’s probably because your honeymoon phase is over and you now see your partner (and relationship) in a different light. And you realize it’s not actually the life you want!
Or it could just be anxiety. If you happen to be the anxious type, it doesn’t matter even if they’re the one, you’ll be nervous regardless.
5) You’re indifferent towards their family and friends
Once you decide to be serious about your relationship, it’s almost a given that you’ll want to know and form a connection with their friends and family.
At the very least, you’d want to know what they’re up to.
Is their mother happy in her new home?
Has their bestie moved on from their abusive ex?
What are their cousins up to?
But somehow, even though the two of you have been together for a while, you simply couldn’t give a damn about the people around your partner.
It’s especially damning if you are utterly uninterested in your current partner’s friends and family when you used to care a lot in your previous relationships.
You’re not necessarily a heartless asshole, mind—it might just be that you’re not as sure with your relationship as you think you are.
6) You wish they’d change for the better
We’re all imperfect, and a good sign that you’re in a healthy relationship is knowing and accepting that your partner is flawed.
Do you ever find yourself thinking things like “oh, I’d marry him if only he’d stop drinking so much”?
Or “I love her so much, but I won’t give her a ring if she doesn’t know how to control her temper”?
Then you’re definitely unsure of your relationship.
7) You have doubts if you can commit to them for life
You get a little dizzy when you hear the word “forever.”
You like them, sure. But you’re not entirely sure that you can actually commit to them for life.
What if you fall out of love with them? Or what if they suddenly become crazy after you get married?
Or what if you find someone better than them in every single way?
Doubts like these make you question if you’re really in love with them in the first place, and whether you’ll ever be able to commit.
8) You wonder what if “the one” is still out there
You’re still keeping your options open.
Perhaps there was someone special in your past and you’re still waiting for them to come back.
What if I were to ever tell you that YES, the one for you is still out there and you have one chance to look for them before they’re gone for good?
No, really. Think about it.
Did you just think about breaking up with your current partner just now?
Then you’re definitely unsure about your relationship.
9) You feel trapped
They’re very nice and loving.
And yet for some reason you feel utterly suffocated.
There’s something about them that makes you feel trapped, and you hate it. Hell—it might even be their love that’s choking you out!
And if this is how you feel about them, then you’re definitely unsure about your relationship.
It might be that you’re moving too fast, or you’re just not mentally prepared to BE loved. Maybe they actually are overbearing and you just didn’t know it.
Whatever the reason may be, try figuring it out before you try moving forward.
You see, if you’re sure about your relationship, you wouldn’t feel suffocated by their love. Au contraire!
You would feel like you want more and more of it. And you’d want to give them more in return.
10) You feel jealous of your single friends
Jealousy is a window into our true desires.
So if you’re jealous of your single friends, ask yourself why.
What do they have that you don’t?
Are you jealous that they can date and have sex with whoever they want? That they can travel the world whenever they want, go clubbing, and do whatever the hell they want?
Then you’re probably unsure about your relationship— especially if you’ve felt this way for a long time now.
I’m not saying you should break up. You must first try to address why you feel jealous and try to make some changes in your relationship.
But if that doesn’t work, then maybe you should honor your desires and try to be single for a while.
11) You feel jealous of your happily coupled-up friends
Trust me—if you’re happy with your relationship, you wouldn’t feel jealous about other couples at all.
You might envy their wealth, or their fame. But you wouldn’t feel in any way envious about anything regarding their relationship.
You wouldn’t think things like “oh, they’re always happy when they’re together”, “how come they always get along?”, or “I wish we were more like them.”
If you do, then you’re not perfectly happy about your relationship.
12) You feel like you’re settling
Does being with your partner feel like you’re simply giving up on love?
Do you sometimes feel like you’re one of those people who just randomly choose a partner just to settle down and have kids?
Does your relationship feel “too safe?”
While it’s very healthy to feel comfortable and safe and settled with your partner (trust me—you don’t want toxic love!), having the feeling that you’re just SETTLING is different.
You need to examine exactly why you feel this way.
Maybe you have unrealistic views of love and romance.
Maybe you feel pressured into settling down even though you don’t want to.
Or maybe…maybe they’re not the one.
If you CAN’T relate to any of these, then congrats!
You’re probably ready to take your relationship to the next level.
But don’t be too dismayed if you DO relate to these feelings. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner aren’t meant to be.
I’m in a loving relationship and I DO get these feelings sometimes.
You see, it could mean many things—from you having commitment issues to you experiencing midlife crisis. In my case, well…I think I’m just a natural-born overthinker.
So don’t use this article as a basis of whether or not you’d break up with your partner.
Simply use it to assess your current feelings and ponder why you have them.