Tina Fey
Navigating the dating world isn’t always easy – sometimes it feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But hey, we’ve all been there, right?
There’s a key difference between dating someone who’s just not right for you and being in a relationship with the wrong person. It’s like comparing apples and oranges.
Dating someone who isn’t quite right might just mean you’re not compatible. But being with the wrong person? That can lead to some seriously toxic patterns.
In my many years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen these toxic patterns time and time again. And let me tell you, recognizing them early can save you a lot of heartache.
So, let’s dive into it. Here are some behaviors that may indicate you’re in a relationship with the wrong person. It’s time to take off those rose-colored glasses and see things as they truly are.
1) They’re always putting themselves first
Relationships are a two-way street, aren’t they? It’s all about give and take, compromise and understanding.
But if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s always putting their needs before yours, it might be time to rethink things. This kind of behavior can often indicate a lack of respect or empathy.
Imagine this: you’ve had a long day at work, you come home hoping for some comfort and understanding, but your partner is more interested in their own problems. It’s not just about the big things – it’s about the little things too – the small acts of kindness that show they care.
Seeing this pattern emerge can be hard, but recognizing it for what it is can save you a lot of heartache down the line. Always remember, a relationship should be a partnership, where both individuals are valued and respected.
2) They’re too perfect
Sounds crazy, right? But hear me out.
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s normal to see your partner through rose-tinted glasses. Everything they do seems perfect and charming. But as time goes on, reality sets in.
Now, this isn’t to say that your partner should be flawed to be the right person for you. No, it’s about understanding that everyone has their quirks and imperfections – and that’s okay.
But if your partner never shows any signs of vulnerability, never admits mistakes or weaknesses, it might be a red flag. This might mean they’re not being authentic or they’re keeping their true selves hidden.
A genuine relationship demands honesty and openness. If your partner is always playing the ‘perfection’ card, it could mean that they’re not really letting you in – or worse, they might be hiding something.
Sounds counterintuitive, I know, but too much perfection can sometimes signal that you’re in a relationship with the wrong person.
3) You’re constantly trying to change them
In my early days as a relationship counselor, I saw a trend that always broke my heart – people staying in relationships hoping they could change their partner.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned over the years: you can’t change people. They have to want to change themselves. And if you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly trying to mold your partner into someone else, it’s a pretty clear sign you might be with the wrong person.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into the concept of codependency and how it can manifest in relationships when one partner tries to control or change the other.
A healthy relationship should be about acceptance and love for who your partner truly is, not who you want them to be. So if you find yourself constantly wishing they were different, it’s time to step back and reassess.
4) You feel drained, not energized
A relationship should be a source of joy, not constant stress. If you find that your relationship is more draining than it is energizing, it’s a strong sign you might be with the wrong person.
I remember a period in my life where I felt emotionally drained all the time. I realized later that I was in a toxic relationship, where I was giving more than I was getting. It took me some time, but I finally understood that love should not be so exhausting.
As the great Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
If your partner makes you feel drained more often than not, take it as a sign. A good relationship should make you feel loved and cherished, not depleted and stressed.
5) You’re always walking on eggshells
In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe – safe to be yourself, to express your opinions, to make mistakes. If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, worried about how your partner will react, it’s a major red flag.
I recall a time when I was in a relationship where I felt I had to censor my thoughts and feelings. It was exhausting and damaging to my self-esteem. No one should have to feel this way.
Remember, the right person will respect your thoughts and emotions, even if they disagree with them. They will create a safe space for open communication, not an atmosphere of fear and anxiety.
6) There’s more conflict than peace
In any relationship, disagreements are bound to happen. But when conflict becomes the norm rather than the exception, it’s likely a sign of deeper issues.
There was a time in my life when my relationship was filled with more arguments than peaceful moments. It took a toll on my mental health and overall well-being. That’s when I realized – love isn’t supposed to be a battlefield.
As the renowned author and motivational speaker, Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”
Is your relationship more about fighting battles than enjoying peace? Then you might need to reevaluate. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
For more insights and advice on love and relationships, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I share my latest articles and thoughts there regularly to help you navigate your love life better.
7) You’re unhappy more than you’re happy
This one’s tough to admit, but it’s crucial. If you find yourself unhappy more often than not, it’s a glaring sign that something’s amiss.
Relationships certainly have their ups and downs. But at the end of the day, your relationship should bring you happiness and fulfillment, not constant sorrow or dissatisfaction.
It took me a while to admit this in one of my past relationships. I was clinging onto the happy moments, ignoring the fact that I was mostly unhappy. It was a tough pill to swallow, but acknowledging this truth was a crucial step towards finding genuine happiness.
In a loving relationship, happiness should be the rule, not the exception. If it’s the other way around, it might be time to reconsider whether you’re with the right person.
Before We Part Ways
As we conclude this exploration of recognizing if you’re in a relationship with the wrong person, let’s revisit an essential truth about relationships – they’re complex, personal, and rarely black and white.
The signs we’ve discussed here aren’t definitive proof that you should end a relationship, but they are strong indicators that some aspects need to be addressed. And remember, it’s okay to put your happiness first.
In my experience as a relationship counselor, I’ve seen the power of introspection and open communication in transforming relationships. Sometimes though, it’s also about accepting that you and your partner may be on different paths.
To delve deeper into this topic and gain further insights, I recommend watching this video by Justin Brown:
In it, he explains the problem with using the law of attraction to try to find the perfect partner. His key point is that we need to give up on this idea of the perfect partner. Instead, we should recognize that relationships are about commitment, embracing challenges, and growing together.
It’s a powerful message that complements our discussion here and provides a fresh perspective on what it means to find the ‘right’ person.
Remember, every journey starts with a single step. Recognizing these behaviors is your first step towards healthier, happier relationships.
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