Leila El-Dean
Some things in life are better when they’re “one-sided.” You know, done solo.
For example…
A nice game of solitaire, completing a challenging jigsaw puzzle, weeding your garden, eating an entire pizza on your own (no, just me?).
But here’s the thing.
When it comes to relationships, there needs to be a little give-and-take.
In other words, an equal (and balanced) partnership.
If you’re the only one making an effort, reaching out, or providing emotional (even financial) support…
It sounds like you’re in a one-sided relationship.
But how do you recognize the signs? Well, here are six tell-tale behaviors to look out for.
Spot them before it’s too late!
1) They are unapologetic to a fault
There are going to be times when we make a mistake or say the wrong thing. Especially in the heat of the moment.
And you know what, it’s perfectly natural to argue or have disagreements here and there.
It can even be a good thing.
But for a relationship to work (and remain healthy), it’s important to take accountability for your actions and make amends.
Because, at the end of the day, even if you didn’t mean to hurt your partner’s (or friend’s) feelings, you still did.
And that’s why you swallow your pride and reconcile by (genuinely) asking for forgiveness.
But for some people, the word “sorry” simply isn’t in their vocabulary. It just doesn’t compute. At least, not when it’s their turn to apologize.
Instead, you’re usually the first (and only) person to take responsibility in order to restore the peace. If you don’t, they’ll make you feel guilty or give you the cold shoulder until you, ultimately, cave.
The thing is…
In their eyes, it’s never their fault.
They only see things from their perspective. Either that or they always have an excuse or a “good reason” why they said what they said (or did).
It’s a pattern.
One that’s going to continue if you remain in this one-sided relationship.
2) They regularly “Casper” you (until they need something)
Are you always the first to reach out or include them in plans? Perhaps they often leave you unread…
And, if we’re being honest here, they only ever contact you when they need a favor or a shoulder to cry on. In other words, when it’s convenient for them.
Not only that…
But they’re leading you on by constantly blowing hot and cold. It’s confusing, to say the least.
Well, we’ve all heard of the term “ghosting.” But do you know about its friendlier cousin, “Caspering?”
No.
What about “breadcrumbing?”
Simply put, it’s where someone is still in contact, but it’s limited. Either to slowly cut you off or keep you on the hook, without the commitment.
And while these cute-sounding dating terms seem harmless enough, they can actually be more harmful (and cruel) than full-on ghosting.
They give the other person false hope.
But here’s the truth.
When you’re in a relationship, limited communication (or lack thereof) is a major red flag. What’s more, it’s a tell-tale sign that this romance or friendship is one-sided.
3) They never ask about YOUR day
When you talk to them, do you truly feel heard?
By that, I mean are they present, asking related open-ended questions, paraphrasing, maintaining eye contact, and generally, being interested in you and what you have to say?
In other words, are they actively listening to you?
If they’re not, you’re probably in a one-sided relationship.
Here’s the thing.
Communication is crucial if the relationship is going to work, and for good reason. Not only does it help with conflict resolution but it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level.
For example…
Build trust, increase intimacy, set expectations, and most importantly, get to know each other.
Without it, you may feel lonely, insecure, or misunderstood.
And when you’re the only one that’s engaged or making an effort, it can be incredibly hurtful and deflating over time.
Ultimately, it demonstrates a lack of understanding, empathy, and emotional support on their part. It’s almost as if they don’t care.
That’s because…
4) They are emotionally distant
Have you ever referred to a partner as “your other half?”
There’s a reason for that.
It implies that they are there for you, no matter what. They complete you. Most importantly, you need to support each other (equally).
However, when you’re in an unbalanced relationship, it’s the opposite.
Perhaps they’re emotionally distant, distracted, or downright selfish. Maybe they fail to reciprocate the same support you provide them, leaving you unfulfilled and rejected.
Either way, this all points to one thing…
This relationship is one-sided.
5) They are exhausting to be around
Being in a couple is a lot like entering into a new business venture – it’s a partnership.
I know, I know, this doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?
But bear with me.
There are joint decisions to make, compromises to be made, finances to merge, and a good amount of negotiation skills required.
And like any successful business, it takes open communication, dedication, commitment, and teamwork to run smoothly.
Get that right, you’re an unstoppable unit.
But when you’re in a one-sided relationship, this all goes out the window.
Instead, all of this hard work (decisions, plans, intimacy, responsibilities) falls onto one person, while the other person is distant, uncompromising, and unwilling to make sacrifices.
Quite frankly, it’s utterly exhausting to be around them.
And that’s because the relationship is unbalanced. Something that’s causing you emotional tension and resentment – in more ways than one.
6) They conveniently “forget” their wallet
When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to split costs. Maybe, treat each other now and then.
Eventually, you may even decide to combine resources.
But if you find you’re the only one contributing to expenses such as bills, vacations, date nights, or groceries, there might be a financial imbalance at foot.
What’s more, this unhealthy dynamic indicates that the relationship is one-sided.
Worse still, you probably make excuses for them.
But the bottom line is…
If you recognize this or any of the other behaviors listed in this article, it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself…
“Is this one-sided relationship worth it?”
Because if the relationship consistently leaves you feeling undervalued and unfulfilled, it’s time to put yourself and your well-being first.
When all is said and done, you deserve better.
