Cat Harper
A little jealousy is normal in a relationship, right?
Everyone’s got things they’re sensitive about or insecure over that make us feel a little jealous from time to time, usually it’s nothing to worry about because it’s a normal human emotion.
“Experiencing jealousy in a relationship is fairly normal, especially in a new relationship or if the relationship is undergoing changes,” says Katie Schubert, PhD, a sex and couples therapist and CEO of Cypress Wellness Center.
You might be in a relationship and noticing some jealousy. You’re probably wondering if it’s just a normal amount or if it’s getting to be too much. At what point does it become something to be concerned about?
You’re in the right place, today we’re talking about 7 behaviors that suggest you’re dealing with a deeply jealous person. Recognizing the behaviors and understanding where they’re coming from is half the battle in working through these issues with your partner.
Let’s get started.
1) They’re constantly checking up on you
Do you ever get the feeling that your significant other is constantly checking up on you?
Picture this: you’re out for dinner and drinks with friends. You’ve already let your partner know where you’re going and what time you expect to be back, but that’s not enough.
They’re still messaging you throughout the evening. They get frustrated if you don’t reply right away as if you’re up to something when really you’re just enjoying catching up with friends.
It’s like they need to know exactly where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing at all times.
Sure, it’s nice that they show an interest in your life, but this is more than that. They’re a little too interested to the point that they just want to keep tabs on you.
If your partner is constantly checking up on you like this it’s a major red flag that they’re deeply jealous to the point it might become a problem if you guys don’t work through it fast.
2) They overreact to small things
If your partner makes a big deal out of little things that don’t really matter, it’s a clear sign they’re feeling pretty jealous.
I’m talking about things like being a few minutes late home from work because of traffic, smiling at waiters or waitresses, or having a friendly exchange with a stranger. These simple things can trigger a big reaction from someone who’s deeply jealous.
My friend and her boyfriend went on holiday together and on the flight home, they were sitting next to a man with a baby. His wife was also on the plane but their seats weren’t together.
The man struck up a friendly conversation with my friend. Her boyfriend didn’t like it, and afterward, he accused her of being romantically interested in the guy. In reality, it was nothing more than a friendly chat.
Overreacting to innocent situations like this is a dead giveaway that you’re dealing with someone with serious jealousy issues.
3) They stalk you and others on social media
Do you think your partner keeps tabs you on through social media?
Social media can really stir things up for jealous partners, it’s like adding fuel to the fire. They can’t help but look at who you’re connected with, what photos you’ve shared or been tagged in and last but not least, stalk your exes or even friends they’re threatened by.
A recent survey found that almost half of Americans admit to stalking their ex or current partner online without them knowing.
They’re not going to admit it to you but if they start grilling you about things happening on your social media like people you’re tagged with or comments you’ve left on posts, it’s a sign they’re watching your online moves and they’re extremely jealous.
4) They need constant reassurance
We all need a little reassurance from time to time, right?
It’s cool to reassure each other now and then in a relationship; it brings you closer and makes you both feel secure. But if your partner always needs reassurance, it’s a sure sign of jealousy.
The thing about jealousy is that it’s not actually about you or what your partner thinks of you. As outlined by professor of psychology at Albright College, Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. “research shows that jealousy is often fueled by insecurity, not love for a partner.”
Jealousy has been linked to low self-esteem, insecurity, and fears of inadequacy. And reassurance goes a long way to helping your partner to feel better. When it comes to dealing with a jealous partner, Seidman has some advice:
“You should realize that your partner’s jealousy isn’t about you; it’s about them. Respond to expressions of jealousy by reassuring your partner of your love.”
If you’ve got an overly clingy partner who needs constant reassurance, you know you’re dealing with a deeply jealous person. And for them, a little extra reassurance will go a long way.
5) They withdraw or shut down when jealousy hits
I dated a guy once who struggled a lot with feelings of jealousy. He couldn’t handle it when he saw me laughing and joking with other guys (friends of course) or when I’d talk about fond memories with ex-lovers.
And I get it: I’ve experienced jealousy and it’s not an emotion I’d wish on anyone. But this guy was next level. He didn’t like to admit he was feeling jealous in the moment but I could tell instantly because he’d shut down and withdraw immediately.
It was his go-to tactic for coping with this tricky emotion.
As it turns out, withdrawing emotionally is a common coping mechanism for deeply jealous people. “Through withdrawal, you may hope that the person you have a relationship with will notice and re-establish your bond,” explains clinical psychologist Mary C. Lamia PhD.
Do you see a pattern emerging? You do something that might trigger jealousy and your partner immediately shuts down. This is another behavior that suggests they’re dealing with a lot of jealousy.
6) They don’t like you being friends with the opposite sex
Ah, the classic case of getting jealous because your partner is friends with someone of the opposite sex. It’s one of those age-old signs of jealousy.
Remember in ‘Friends’ when Ross got super jealous of Rachel’s friendship with her co-worker, Mark? It’s so relatable because we’ve all witnessed something similar at one stage or another.
My best friend was dating a guy a few years ago and she couldn’t stand the thought of him being friends with any other girls. The problem was, he had lots of female friends. She just couldn’t handle him being friends with girls and eventually, it caused them to break up.
Does this sound familiar? Does your partner struggle with the idea of you being friends with other guys or girls? It’s a classic sign of excessive jealousy, but it’s something many couples face and work through together.
7) They don’t trust you
Do you ever get the feeling that your partner just doesn’t trust you?
It’s not one specific thing they do but it’s all the little things added up. Like how they always seem to be suspicious of you when they ask you questions. It’s like they don’t believe your answers and they’re never satisfied until they’ve got proof you’re telling the truth.
It feels like you’re being interrogated by the FBI if you’re late home from work, or after you’ve had a night out with friends and your partner wasn’t there. They want to know every single detail of the night as if they’re investigating a crime and they’re collecting evidence.
All of these behaviors leave you feeling like they don’t trust you, right? And it’s frustrating. When you haven’t given your partner any reason to not trust you and they’re constantly testing you, it tells you that they’re deeply jealous and also deeply insecure.
Final thoughts
If you recognize a few of these behaviors in your partner then you know you’re probably dealing with a deeply jealous person.
Excessive jealousy isn’t fun for either partner to deal with and if left unchecked, it can ruin a great relationship.
Hopefully, you’ll remember that jealousy is more about your partner’s insecurities than anything you’re doing. With some love, patience, and understanding, you guys might be able to get through it and have an even better relationship than you ever thought possible.
