Louisa Lopez
Do you know one of those people who manages to turn every little thing into an offense against them? The kind who needs to dominate every game, every conversation, every situation? Well, you may be dealing with someone very egotistical.
While we all have moments of self-absorption, consistently egotistical people display some telling signs that reveal their over-inflated opinions of themselves. If you encounter someone exhibiting several of these signs repeatedly, you likely have a true egoist on your hands.
Read on to find out more.
1) They can never be wrong
Many egotistical people are deeply insecure. So when you challenge them on just about anything, they freak out.
From the way they cook eggs to their opinions on politics or religion, they are always right. And they are going to want you to agree with them. You will not be allowed to have your own opinions because that would mean a tacit admission on their part, that they are wrong.
Any suggestion they might have made a mistake gets met instantly with mental maneuvers to shirk accountability and ‘prove’ their assumptions of perfection.
My overly cocky university friend Joey fancied himself an investing genius despite failing finance classes. He got into penny stock investing. When his stock picks dropped, he’d perform mental gymnastics proving it wasn’t his short-sighted analysis at fault.
In his mind, external factors always explained his mistakes, allowing him to protect his personal image of excellence.
2) Collaboration feels more like combat
So we know how important it is for egotistical people to feel right about everything. And when there is a project or task that needs completing, it’s going to go as they want it to.
If you challenge them you risk a meltdown or anger attack on their end. You might try gently suggesting some feedback or an idea. At best it will be ignored, at worst it will be seen as a challenge to their authority.
For example, my bossy Aunt directed every detail of my cousin’s wedding reception with an iron fist.
Her egotistical streak prevented her from considering my cousin’s and her fiance’s preferences or modern trends. In her mind only her old-fashioned tastes were worthy.
When we tried to change the flowers she took it as defiance rather than a harmless suggestion.
The whole thing was exhausting!
3) They embody a sense of entitlement
Along with expecting people to obey their demands without question, egotists believe that special rules and privileges should apply to them.
They become jealous of anyone they perceive who is receiving privileges or leniency not also granted to them – believing they deserve premium treatment simply for being them.
This can often be quite unconscious on their part. They feel they deserve your attention, your time, your resources, anything you have!
I dated someone like this and he always made me feel like a bad person for not doing what he wanted. If he was tired because his neighbors were loud, then he felt he should be able to stay at my place.
Even when I’d specifically requested alone time as I was not very well. When I suggested that he move house as this noisy neighbour situation kept happening, he didn’t even consider it.
And this leads on to my next point:
4) They don’t honor or recognize your individual needs and boundaries
That ex of mine had no idea of boundaries. He’d never even heard of the word! And when I explained it he frowned and said “That sounds like restrictions”.
He couldn’t understand why I would want or need to set healthy boundaries that would sometimes go against what he wanted for himself.
A friend of mine experienced this in another way. Whenever she tried sharing what was going on for her her boyfriend would instantly redirect the conversation back to whatever he was interested in.
If she received a great work opportunity he wouldn’t bother to celebrate her success. Rather he would complain about his own bad job.
He really didn’t see that she needed support and encouragement at times and that the focus didn’t always have to be on him.
5) They get angry when they see any kind of challenge
Things can get really weird with deeply egotistical people especially when they are in positions of power. That’s because these hyper-sensitive egoists are always ready to take offense from harmless interactions.
Any small unintentional oversight can be inflated into a deliberate personal attack on their honor and self-image.
I once brought fairy cakes to an office party, forgetting about my supervisor’s nut allergy. They were clearly marked as containing nuts as I put a cashew nut on top of every cake.
It was one treat of many and instead of just avoiding it, to my surprise, my egotistical supervisor turned bright red. Then ranted for 10 minutes about my cakes being some kind of intentional insult about her leadership capabilities. Crazy, I know.
In her warped mental funhouse hall of mirrors, simple mistakes just didn’t exist, all she could see was targeted assaults against her.
6) They perceive small things as slights
Even when they aren’t in powerful positions, egotistical people can see insults in anything. My friend was recently dating, (or at least trying to date), an extremely avoidant artist. He told her that he liked her and wanted to see her again, and they would text each other regularly.
But he never seemed to actually want to meet up. So eventually she tried to give him a little prod and say “So when are we going to meet up? I’ve forgotten what you look like.”
She often turns to me for advice but I assured her that in this case, it would be obvious that this was a joke or at worst a slightly passive aggressive way to show that she wanted to see him.
But then he went completely silent on her for a week, and when she asked him just to send an emoji to show that he was okay, he started copying and pasting her replies into the chat. So childish!
Later on, when she asked him about his silence, he sent an accusing emoji with a big pointing finger, saying that she had forgotten what he looked like. He HAD taken it seriously!
What probably made it worse for him was that she started working for a very famous artist. He would frequently refer to this artist in a very negative way, showing just how insecure he was.
This was even though she was always very enthusiastic about her boyfriend’s work and not particularly enthusiastic about the work of the famous artist.
7) They have to come first at all times
We all know someone who is a bad loser. And those people are often the ones who are the most competitive.
These hyper self-focused people need to come first in everything whether it’s backyard badminton matches or office sales competitions.
Because egoists base their sense of self-worth on superiority over others, losing affects their imagined sense of greatness.
When I was a kid, my dad encouraged me to learn chess. Although I didn’t know it at the time he would sometimes let me win to encourage me to keep playing and learning. It worked and I became quite good!
I’ve met other fathers who would never dream of letting their child win a game to boost their child’s confidence, because their own sense of self has to come first. Even when playing against a 10-year-old boy or girl!
Final thoughts
If you’re dealing with someone like this, the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation. People like this are unlikely to change, at least not without serious therapy or other interventions.
If you cannot avoid them, just do your best to use this knowledge to help you from triggering them. It will make your life easier!
