If you recognize these 7 behaviors, you’re dealing with a textbook narcissist

Identifying a narcissist isn’t as simple as spotting a person who loves looking at themselves in the mirror.

In fact, narcissism can be quite subtle and is often masked by a person’s charm or perceived confidence. However, there are telltale behaviors that can help you spot a textbook narcissist.

Narcissists have certain characteristics that set them apart. And trust me, once you know what you’re looking for, it’s hard not to see.

Here are seven of those behaviors to watch out for – if you recognize them, you’re likely dealing with a bona fide narcissist. 

Let’s dive in. 

1) Self-absorption

Narcissism is often associated with an inflated sense of self-importance, but it can be more subtle than that.

In reality, narcissists tend to be highly self-absorbed. They have a knack for making everything about themselves, even when it’s clearly not.

For example, you might be telling them about a problem you’re facing at work, and they somehow manage to turn the conversation around to their own experiences or achievements. Sound familiar?

This isn’t just a matter of being self-centered, though. Narcissists genuinely believe that they are more important than others, and this belief drives their behavior.

And if you notice this pattern of self-absorption, you might just be dealing with a textbook narcissist.

2) Lack of empathy

Narcissists are notorious for their lack of empathy. They struggle to relate to other people’s feelings or experiences. It’s not that they can’t understand what you’re going through – it’s that they don’t really care.

For example, I once had a friend who I strongly suspect was a narcissist. When my grandmother passed away, I was understandably devastated. But when I shared my grief with him, his response was cold and dismissive. Instead of offering comfort or condolences, he just changed the topic to a recent promotion he’d gotten at work.

It was a clear sign of his lack of empathy and a moment I’ll never forget. It made me realize that he was so wrapped up in his own world, my feelings didn’t even register.

3) Grandiose sense of self

A key characteristic of a narcissist is a grandiose sense of self. They often believe they are superior to others and have a unique destiny that sets them apart from the average person.

This belief isn’t just a matter of having high self-esteem. Narcissists genuinely believe they are extraordinary and special, and they expect others to recognize their greatness.

Narcissists are so convinced of their superiority that they are often bewildered when others don’t recognize it. This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, which can further fuel their narcissistic behaviors.

If someone in your life frequently talks about how exceptional they are, or seems frustrated when they aren’t treated as such, this could be a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist.

4) Constant need for admiration

Narcissists thrive on admiration and validation from others. They often have an insatiable need to be admired and affirmed, and they can become upset or even enraged when they don’t receive the praise they feel they deserve.

This constant need for admiration can manifest in various ways. They might constantly seek compliments, or they may attempt to showcase their talents or accomplishments at every opportunity.

And this isn’t a simple desire for occasional acknowledgment or recognition – it’s a deep-seated need that drives much of their behavior.

If you notice someone in your life constantly seeking validation, constantly fishing for compliments, or getting upset when they don’t receive the praise they feel they deserve, you might be dealing with a narcissist.

5) Exploitative behavior

One of the more troubling characteristics of a narcissist is their tendency to exploit others. They often use people as tools to get what they want, without any regard for the other person’s feelings or wellbeing.

I remember a colleague who fit this description perfectly. No matter what project we were working on, she would only ever do what benefited her directly. She had no qualms about stepping on others to get ahead, even if it meant breaking trust or damaging relationships.

In her world, everyone else was just a pawn in her game, a means to an end. It was a hard pill to swallow, but recognizing this behavior for what it was helped me set boundaries and protect myself from further exploitation.

If you notice someone in your life consistently using others for their own gain, without any apparent concern for the impact on those around them, you may be dealing with a narcissist.

6) Sense of entitlement

Narcissists often have a strong sense of entitlement. They believe they deserve special treatment and are quick to feel slighted if they don’t get it. This can extend to all areas of life, from expecting preferential treatment at work, to feeling entitled to other people’s time and attention.

This sense of entitlement is deeply ingrained and often automatic. It’s not something they consciously think about – it’s just how they operate.

For example, a narcissist might expect you to drop everything and cater to their needs, without considering whether it’s convenient for you or not. Or they might feel slighted if they don’t get the best seat at a dinner party or the front spot in a parking lot.

7) Inability to handle criticism

Perhaps one of the most telling signs of a narcissist is their inability to handle criticism. Whether it’s a minor critique or a major confrontation, narcissists often respond with defensiveness, anger, or even outright rage.

This is because any form of criticism is seen as a direct attack on their perfect self-image. It threatens their sense of superiority and can trigger what psychologists call a “narcissistic injury”.

This inability to handle criticism can make it extremely difficult to address issues or conflicts with a narcissist. They may become hostile, dismissive, or even retaliate when confronted with any form of critique.

Everyone has their flaws, but the ability to recognize and address them is what sets healthy individuals apart from narcissists.

Final thoughts: It’s not personal

Understanding narcissism isn’t just an exercise in psychology – it’s about understanding human behavior and how it affects our relationships.

If you recognize these behaviors in someone you know, remember this: it’s not about you. Narcissism is a deeply ingrained personality disorder that has its roots in a person’s early developmental years.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, narcissistic personality disorder is often associated with a history of childhood neglect or abuse. So while their behavior is undoubtedly challenging and can be hurtful, it’s essential to remember that it’s not a reflection of your worth or value.

Recognizing these behaviors can be the first step in protecting yourself and setting boundaries. But perhaps most importantly, understanding narcissism can help us cultivate empathy for those struggling with this disorder, even as we strive to protect ourselves from its impacts.