If you recognize these 7 behaviors, you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist

For a long time, I really didn’t understand what narcissism actually meant.

You know the stereotype:

– Self-obsessed

– Manipulative

– Lack of empathy

– Always needing to be the center of attention.

And the constant feeling that something just isn’t quite right.

My wake-up call came about 3 years ago. I was completely oblivious to these signs.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a self-proclaimed psychology enthusiast. I spent my days in a constant cycle of confusion and frustration, dealing with a person who seemed perfectly normal on the surface. But underneath, there were all these subtle behaviours that left me feeling used and disrespected.

During that time, I lived with constant doubt, questioning my own sanity, and an overwhelming sense of guilt for even thinking someone could be so self-absorbed.

My interactions seemed to be laced with subtle manipulation and hidden agendas. I was dealing with a master of disguise: a low-key narcissist.

The reason I couldn’t see it was simple: I hadn’t recognized the 7 behaviors that screamed ‘low-key narcissist’.

In this article, I’m going to shed light on these behaviors. Trust me, it’s a game-changer.

Let’s dive in.

1. They’re always the victim

The first behavior that signaled I was dealing with a low-key narcissist was their constant victim mentality.

Sounds familiar, right? It’s almost like they have a PhD in playing the victim.

In every story they told, every conflict they were involved in, they were always the innocent party. It didn’t matter if it was a disagreement at work or a falling out with a friend – they were always the one being wronged.

This perpetual victimhood served two purposes: it allowed them to shirk responsibility for their actions, and it kept me in a constant state of sympathy for them.

The realization hit me hard. I was dealing with someone who had mastered the art of using their ‘victim’ status to manipulate others and avoid accountability.

If you’re constantly hearing tales of woe from someone who never seems to be at fault, take a moment to question it. You might just be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

2. Their empathy is selective

The second behavior that clued me in was their selective empathy.

To put it plainly, they only seemed to care about others when it served their own interests. I remember a time when a close friend of mine was going through a rough patch. I expected them to show the same level of concern that I did.

But their reaction took me by surprise. They dismissed it, showing little to no genuine concern or empathy. Yet, when it came to issues that directly affected them, they demanded everyone’s undivided attention and sympathy.

It was then I remembered a quote from the famous psychologist Carl Rogers: “The great majority of us cannot listen; we find ourselves compelled to evaluate, because listening is too dangerous.”

I realized that for the low-key narcissist, truly listening and empathizing would mean stepping out of their self-centered perspective – something they were unwilling or unable to do.

If you notice a pattern of selective empathy in someone’s behavior, consider it a red flag. Narcissists often show empathy only when it benefits them, making genuine connection almost impossible.

3. They’re masters of subtle manipulation

The third behavior I noticed was their talent for subtle manipulation.

For instance, they had a knack for making every conversation about them. We could start talking about my day, but within minutes, the focus would shift to their achievements, their problems, their life. It was so subtle that I didn’t even notice it at first.

It took me a while to realize that this was a tactic – a way to keep the spotlight on them and control the narrative. By always shifting the focus back to themselves, they ensured they remained at the center of attention.

This kind of manipulation is sneaky and can be hard to spot. But once you’re aware of it, it’s like seeing the matrix: you can’t unsee it.

If you find your conversations consistently veering towards one person’s interests or concerns, you might be dealing with a low-key narcissist. Their need to dominate and control conversations is a telltale sign of their narcissism.

4. They gaslight you

The fourth behavior that gave it away was their tendency to gaslight.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where they make you question your own reality or sanity. I remember countless instances where they would deny something they’d said or done, making me doubt my own memory.

If you find yourself constantly doubting your memory or questioning your sanity in someone’s presence, it’s a strong sign of gaslighting, and you could be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

5. They’re overly critical

The fifth behavior that stood out was their excessive criticism.

It seemed as though nothing was ever good enough for them. Whether it was my choice of clothes, my work, or even the way I spoke – there was always something they’d pick on.

At first, I thought they were just trying to help me improve. But over time, I realized their criticism had little to do with me and everything to do with their need to feel superior.

The constant nitpicking was a tool for them to maintain control and belittle me. It was a way to keep me second-guessing myself and reliant on their approval.

If you notice someone in your life is overly critical, not in a constructive way but in a manner that makes you feel small or inadequate, take note. This could be a sign you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist.

Their need to criticize and belittle is less about your shortcomings and more about their desire to feel dominant.

6. They lack genuine remorse

The sixth behavior that struck me was their lack of genuine remorse.

I recall a time when they did something that hurt me deeply. When I confronted them, instead of apologizing, they brushed it off and made light of the situation. It was as if my feelings were irrelevant to them.

That’s when I remembered a quote from American psychologist Albert Ellis: “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”

This quote resonated with me because it stressed on the importance of taking responsibility for one’s actions – something the low-key narcissist in my life was unwilling to do.

If you’re dealing with someone who struggles to show genuine remorse and often dismisses or trivializes your feelings, be alert. This could be a sign of a low-key narcissist who lacks the emotional maturity to acknowledge and take responsibility for their actions.

7. They’re charming and charismatic

The final behavior may seem counterintuitive, but it’s often a telltale sign: they’re charming and charismatic.

Yes, you read that right. The low-key narcissist in my life was incredibly charming. They knew exactly what to say and how to act to win people over. It was this charm that initially drew me to them.

But this charm is not genuine. It’s a mask, a tool they use to draw people into their world and maintain control.

This is something called “stealth control”. It’s so subtle, you can’t even see it… They might say something like ‘I thought you were going to wear the blue one?’… The person is left feeling off-balance, second-guessing themselves.

If you find yourself captivated by someone’s charm but feeling off-balance and second-guessing yourself, take a step back. You might be dealing with a low-key narcissist.

Here’s a practical tip: start observing how they treat others, especially those they have nothing to gain from. This can provide valuable insights into their true character.

Conclusion

Recognizing you’re dealing with a low-key narcissist can be a tough pill to swallow. But armed with these insights, you’re now better equipped to navigate these tricky relationships.

Remember, it’s crucial not to take their behaviors personally. Their actions and attitudes are a reflection of their own issues, not your worth.

The best advice I can give? Set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care. It’s okay to distance yourself from people who drain your energy and undermine your self-esteem.

At the end of the day, surround yourself with people who respect you and value your well-being. After all, you deserve nothing less.