Lachlan Brown
Have you ever stopped to wonder what it truly takes to live a long and joyful life?
I know I have. Over the years, I’ve delved into countless studies, books, and personal anecdotes searching for the secret sauce to a life well-lived.
What I’ve discovered is that it’s not just about the things we do to improve our health and happiness but also about the things we consciously choose to let go of.
Certain behaviors, while seemingly harmless or even culturally accepted, can silently chip away at our well-being over time.
Today, we’ll dive into five such behaviors that could be holding you back from a longer, happier life. Letting go of these has been transformative for me, and I hope they can be for you too.
Let’s get started.
1) Overlooking the importance of close relationships
Let’s kick things off with a big one!
It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle of life and push relationships to the back burner. But if you’re aiming for a long and joyful life, nurturing close relationships should be a top priority.
This is well backed by research but perhaps no more clearly than by The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness and well-being.
The study revealed a key finding: good relationships are the most important factor for a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. Not wealth, not fame—relationships. The study found that people who are more socially connected are not only happier but also live longer.
Yet, in today’s fast-paced world, it’s all too common to overlook this. We text instead of talk, work late instead of spending time with loved ones, and sometimes allow conflicts to go unresolved for years.
Making an effort to prioritize meaningful relationships—whether with family, friends, or your partner—can significantly improve your mental and physical health. Schedule regular catch-ups, have deeper conversations, and show genuine care and appreciation.
Life’s most profound joys often come from the connections we build. Don’t underestimate the power of close relationships.
2) Neglecting physical health
I’ve been guilty of this one myself. In my quest for “productivity”, there was a time when I let my physical health take a backseat.
I thought, as long as I’m mindful and mentally strong, it’s okay if I miss a few workouts or indulge in junk food often. But boy, was I wrong!
Our physical health directly influences our mental well-being. When you neglect your body, you’re also neglecting your mind.
After just a week or two of ignoring my health, I started feeling sluggish, low on energy, and had difficulty focusing. It took me some time to realize that my lack of physical activity and poor eating habits were the culprits.
And the moment I started taking care of my physical health – working out regularly and eating balanced meals – everything changed. My mood improved, my energy levels skyrocketed, and I was able to think more clearly.
Trust me on this one. If you’re striving for a long and joyful life, don’t overlook your physical health.
3) Letting ego run the show
The ego is a tricky thing. It’s that voice inside us that insists on being right, being better, being the center of attention. And it can seriously get in the way of a long and joyful life.
Our ego often drives us to make decisions that may not be in our best interest. It can lead us to hold grudges, seek validation, and create unnecessary conflict.
This is something I dive into in detail in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego.
But for now, just know that by learning to recognize when your ego is taking over, and consciously choosing to act from a place of compassion and understanding instead, you make space for healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
4) Succumbing to negative self-talk
This is a big one.
Negative self-talk is more than just a bad habit – it’s a psychological trap that can seriously impact your happiness.
This is well backed up by experts. For instance, as noted by Doctor of Psychology Elizabeth Scott, it can lead to increased stress, reduced stress, and even feelings of depression.
So how do you break this cycle?
Start by becoming aware of your inner dialogue. Notice when you’re being overly critical or negative about yourself. Then, challenge these thoughts. Are they really true? Or are they just baseless accusations your mind is making up?
Next, practice self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes or shortcomings, treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
5) Chasing perfection
Perfectionism might seem like a noble pursuit, but in reality, it can be a relentless trap.
As noted by researchers, perfectionism can increase the risk of psychological conditions such as depression and anxiety.
The reason? Perfectionists often set impossibly high standards for themselves, and when they inevitably fall short, it triggers a spiral of self-criticism and negative emotions.
I’ve been there myself—caught in the endless loop of trying to do everything “just right.” But here’s the thing: perfection is an illusion. Life isn’t meant to be flawless; it’s meant to be lived.
Instead of chasing perfection, try embracing progress. Celebrate small wins and focus on the journey rather than obsessing over the outcome. You’ll find that letting go of perfectionism not only lightens your mental load but also makes life far more enjoyable.
The bottom line
Letting go of these behaviors isn’t always easy—it takes self-awareness, patience, and a willingness to make intentional changes. But trust me, the payoff is worth it.
Take it one step at a time. Start small, focus on progress, and be kind to yourself as you make these shifts. Over time, you’ll notice the difference—not just in how you feel but in the quality of your life as a whole.
You deserve a life filled with joy and fulfillment. Letting go of these habits is the first step toward making that a reality.
Here’s to living your best life—one intentional choice at a time.
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