Roselle Umlas
Quality is something we always consider when making a purchase. We spend so much time focusing on the quality of the things we buy, from the latest gadgets to the cars we drive.
But how often do we stop and think about our own quality as a person?
Just like anything else, we can upgrade ourselves too. And we should, because we live in a larger world that will be much kinder and softer if we all strive to be better people.
How do you get started on that? Well, it starts with looking at yourself closely and examining the behaviors that might be holding you back.
If you’re serious about becoming a better person, here are eight behaviors you should say goodbye to:
1) Making judgments and assumptions about people
Evaluating people and making assumptions about them is just natural human behavior. It’s something we all do without even realizing it.
It’s a shortcut our brains take to make sense of the world, to categorize and understand the people around us quickly.
But that doesn’t mean it’s right. Snap judgments and assumptions are one of the easiest ways to push people away.
And if you’ve been on the receiving end of this, you know how terrible it feels to have people judging you and making assumptions about you.
So be better than that yourself. Practice open-mindedness so you can be a safe space others can come to without fear of judgment or ridicule.
2) Entitlement
Do you go around demanding this and that because you feel entitled to it? Do you expect things to be handed to you, simply because you feel you deserve them?
News flash – the world owes us nothing.
Entitlement can sneak up on us in subtle ways, which is why maybe you aren’t even aware you’re doing it.
According to WebMD, a sense of entitlement usually develops from the kind of environment you grew up in.
Maybe your parents treated you like royalty or they solved your problems for you all the time. Maybe you’ve had help and special treatment for so long that you don’t know what it’s like to not have it.
So, while feeling entitled may not be entirely your fault – what you do going forward is perfectly within your control.
So is this next habit…
3) Reacting to every little thing
When I was younger, I was a slave to my emotions. I was constantly reacting to every minor inconvenience or offhand comment. I’d take things personally, even when they had nothing to do with me.
The result? Constant drama. Defensiveness. A combative attitude.
Looking back, I realize how exhausting that was – not just for me, but for everyone around me.
That’s why I’m grateful for growing older; it has made me see that not everything requires a reaction. And most importantly, that not everything’s about me.
Learning to choose your battles and letting the small stuff go is a huge step towards becoming a better person. It means you’ve developed emotion regulation, and you’re no longer a prisoner of your emotions.
4) Gossiping
If you tell me you’ve never gossiped ever in your life, I’d tell you to go get yourself canonized. Come on, we’ve all indulged in a bit of juicy chatter at some point.
It’s practically human nature, just like passing judgment. For most of us, it’s just a way to bond, vent, or just pass the time. We do it so carelessly without even thinking of the consequences.
Well, gossiping isn’t just a harmless exchange of information. It’s downright toxic. And sneakily so!
The thing about gossip is that it often comes at someone else’s expense, and it can quickly spiral into negativity that erodes trust and destroys relationships.
Besides, what does it really say about you? There’s a saying that goes, “What you say about others says a lot about you.” Actual research backs that up.
If you’ve really got to talk about others behind their backs, say good things. That’s the best – actually, the only acceptable – kind of gossip there is!
5) Thinking only about yourself
One of the biggest barriers to becoming a better person is our own ego. It drives us into an “I-me-mine” mindset.
In other words, if we don’t keep it in check, it can turn us into very selfish people.
Author and leadership coach Gregg Vanourek talks about how an unhealthy attachment to our ego can be a trap that affects everything when it’s in charge of our thinking.
He says that among the many things it can do, it can make us overly preoccupied with ourselves at the expense of family, organization, community or society.
So we make decisions based on a “What’s in it for me?” mindset instead of considering the greater good. We put our needs above others’ every single time.
If you want to be a better person, it’s time to set aside your own ego. Reframe “What’s in it for me?” to “How can I help?”
Trust me, this will bring you so much more satisfaction and contentment. “To give is better than to receive” isn’t an old adage for nothing.
6) Insisting on your opinion
Speaking of ego, another way it shows up is when you’re much too preoccupied with being right.
I get it – I used to be this type of person myself. I just had to have the last word in!
Well, let me tell you, that kind of attitude may win you the battle, but it won’t win you the war. No one wants to be around someone who just has to be right all the time.
It took me a while to realize two things. First, I was not always right. And second, being kind is better than being right.
Kindness is not weakness. In fact, it’s a strength. Think about how hard it is to choose kindness when you feel strongly about your opinion, and you’ll see what I mean.
7) Not apologizing
Just like kindness, apologizing also shows strength. I mean, isn’t it so difficult to say sorry? I don’t know about you, but it is for me.
But it’s an absolute necessity for becoming a better person. Because it signifies a lot of positive qualities:
- Accountability
- Honesty
- Vulnerability
- Humility
All of that adds up to one main thing – growth. The day you humble yourself and atone for your mistakes is a day you’ve just become a better person.
8) Holding a grudge
It goes the other way, too. If someone has hurt you, and you keep holding on to it, you’re simply holding yourself back.
Forgiveness is a wonderful gift, not just to the other person, but to yourself as well. I think that the more you practice forgiveness, the bigger your heart grows.
You become more compassionate and you understand that we all mess up. This doesn’t mean you condone the wrongdoing by any means; you don’t even have to keep a relationship with that person who hurt you if you don’t want to.
Forgiveness simply means choosing to release bitterness and make room for healing and growth. It’s hard to be a better person if you’re carrying around a weight in your heart.
Final thoughts
Letting go of these habits is definitely going to be an uphill battle. It requires a lot of self-awareness, honesty, and mindfulness to know when you’re lapsing back into your old ways.
And remember not to get stuck on the idea of perfection – being a better person is about progress. There’ll still be days when you’ll fall short, when you’ll disappoint yourself and others, and that’s okay.
Just be patient with yourself and keep moving forward, and you’ll be closer to the person you aspire to be.
