Ava Sinclair
So, you want people to like you?
It makes sense. We all do.
And while it’s not possible that everyone you meet will like you, there are certain things you can stop doing that make it harder for yourself.
You might be doing certain things that push people away – without even realizing it! As is always the case with these things, the solution always starts with identifying the problem.
In this article, we’ll discuss nine things you should probably stop doing if you want people to like you.
1) Dominating conversations
Being a good conversationalist isn’t just about knowing when to speak, but also when to listen.
It’s in our nature to share our thoughts, experiences, and ideas. But when this becomes a monologue instead of a dialogue, it can push people away.
No one likes feeling like a captive audience, and everyone wants to feel heard.
Dominating conversations and not giving others the chance to express themselves can make you seem self-centered and uninterested in others.
When you’re engaging in a chat, make a conscious effort to listen just as much as you speak.
It’s not just about hearing words, either, but also understanding them. People are intuitive psychologists – they’ll know if you’re just sitting there waiting for your turn to speak.
You should really consider what the other person says, let it impact you, absorb it, chew on it.
“Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” – Alan Alda.
2) Being negative all the time
There’s a difference between being a realist and a constant downer.
I once had a friend who always saw the glass as half-empty. Even on sunny days, she’d worry about potential rain. It was draining to be around her, and eventually, our friendship suffered.
Negativity can be infectious and is one of the fastest ways to push people away, even those who care about you deeply.
It’s okay to have off days and share your worries, but if your conversations are constantly filled with complaints, pessimism, and criticism, it can be exhausting for others.
Aim to find a balance.
Share your concerns but also celebrate your joys.
Recognize the good in your life and in others. This shift in attitude can make you much more appealing to be around.
3) Not respecting personal boundaries
Respect is key to any relationship, and this includes respecting personal boundaries.
Whether it’s physical space, emotional boundaries, or people’s time, crossing these lines can make you seem insensitive and intrusive.
Take a step back, literally and figuratively. Be aware of cues that indicate you’re overstepping and adjust your behavior accordingly. This sensitivity can enhance your likability significantly.
4) Being unreliable
Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, and reliability is a big part of that trust.
Imagine planning to meet a friend for lunch and they cancel at the last minute – not once, but often. Over time, you’d start to question their respect for your time and perhaps even your friendship.
Being unreliable sends the message that you don’t value others’ time or commitments.
This can quickly erode your likability.
Whether it’s following through on plans or delivering on promises, strive to be someone others can count on. This will not only make you more likable but also foster stronger relationships.
5) Constantly bragging
While it’s good to have confidence and be proud of your achievements, there’s a fine line between healthy self-esteem and constant bragging.
Sharing your success is one thing, but if every conversation turns into a highlight reel of your life, it can make others feel like they’re living in your shadow.
This behavior can come across as self-centered and can make others feel like they’re just spectators in your life, rather than active participants.
Conversations should be a two-way street. It’s important to celebrate others’ achievements and show genuine interest in their lives too.
This balance can help improve your likability.
6) Being judgmental
In a world full of diversity and individuality, being judgmental is a surefire way to push people away.
Nobody is perfect.
We all have our flaws, quirks, and unique ways of seeing the world. When we judge others harshly for their differences, it can create a barrier of discomfort and resentment.
Being more accepting and open-minded helps create an atmosphere where people feel safe to be themselves. That’s when true connections are formed.
Shouldn’t we strive to be more understanding, less judgmental, and appreciative of the beauty in our differences?
It’s these small changes that can make a big difference in how likable we are.
7) Not apologizing when wrong
We’ve all been there. That moment when you realize you’ve made a mistake or hurt someone unintentionally.
It’s uncomfortable, but how we handle it can greatly influence how others perceive us.
I remember a time when I made a blunder at work that affected the whole team.
Instead of making excuses, I acknowledged my mistake, apologized sincerely, and worked hard to rectify the situation.
Pride can be a stumbling block in these situations but acknowledging your mistakes and saying sorry can show humility and respect for others.
This approach can turn potentially damaging situations into opportunities for growth, building trust and enhancing your likability in the process.
8) Constantly interrupting
Communication is a two-way street, and interrupting is like a detour sign that diverts the flow.
When we interrupt others, it sends the message that what we have to say is more important than what they’re expressing.
This can make people feel undervalued and dismissed.
Practicing active listening and patience in conversations can go a long way in making you more likable.
It shows respect for others’ thoughts and feelings, and it demonstrates that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Whenever you’re engaged in a conversation, remember to pause, listen, and respond rather than interrupt.
9) Gossiping
If there’s one behavior that can rapidly tarnish your likability, it’s gossiping.
While sharing news and updates about mutual acquaintances can be a normal part of social interaction, there’s a difference between harmless chatter and harmful gossip.
Spreading rumors or sharing private information about others not only breaks trust, but it also paints you as someone who might do the same with the confidence entrusted to you.
Maintaining others’ privacy is a sign of respect and trustworthiness.
It speaks volumes about your character and can greatly enhance your likability.
So always think twice before sharing something that isn’t yours to share.
Final thoughts: Cutting out the spikes
It’s hard to explain, but all the characteristics above can make a person seem somehow “spikey”.
If you’re always trying to dominate a conversation, or not respecting people’s boundaries, there’s a certain sharpness about it that really makes people feel uncomfortable.
Becoming more likable is kind of like becoming less “spikey”.
Nobody wants to be around something they’re afraid might cut or hurt them – and this applies to people, too.
