Lachlan Brown
Respect isn’t something you can demand—it’s something you cultivate through your actions and the way you carry yourself.
But here’s the thing: sometimes, without realizing it, we engage in behaviors that actually push respect further away.
I’ve been there too, wondering why people didn’t take me seriously, only to realize I was sabotaging myself in subtle ways.
The good news? Once you identify these behaviors and let them go, you’ll notice a shift—not just in how others treat you, but in how you see yourself.
Let’s talk about the eight habits that might be standing in the way of the respect you truly deserve.
1) Constant complaining
We all know someone who always seems to have a problem with everything. And let’s be real, constant negativity can be exhausting.
When you’re always complaining, people may start to see you as someone who only focuses on the bad. This can lead to a lack of respect as you’re perceived as someone who is unwilling or unable to find solutions or positive aspects in situations.
Remember, we’re all dealing with our own challenges and hearing about yours all the time can be draining for others. If you want to command respect, it’s important to cultivate a more balanced outlook, acknowledging the good along with the bad.
2) Seeking validation
I’ll admit it, I’ve been guilty of this. Back when Hack Spirit was just starting out, I was always seeking validation for every idea or decision I made. I wanted people to agree with me, to tell me I was making the right choices.
But over time, I noticed a shift in how people interacted with me. They weren’t respecting my leadership as much, and that’s when it hit me: by constantly seeking validation, I was undermining my own authority.
People want to respect those who stand firm in their decisions, who have the confidence to trust their own instincts. That doesn’t mean you should become stubborn or ignore feedback, but don’t let your need for approval dictate your actions.
So, take feedback on board but at the end of the day, trust yourself. You’ve got this.
3) Ego-driven actions
Let’s face it, we all have an ego and it can sometimes get the best of us. Ego-driven actions can make us appear self-centered and can quickly erode respect.
For example, constantly boasting about your achievements or always wanting to be the center of attention can make others feel undervalued or overlooked.
In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I dive deeper into how our ego can often run the show, leading to behaviors that don’t serve us or those around us.
To gain respect, it’s important to check your ego at the door and focus on being a team player. Listen more than you speak, celebrate others’ accomplishments, and remember that everyone brings something valuable to the table.
4) Lack of empathy
Empathy plays a crucial role in building and maintaining respect with others. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, and without it, connections can feel superficial or insincere.
When you lack empathy, you may come off as uncaring or insensitive, which can lead to others finding it hard to respect you. It’s important to take the time to understand others’ perspectives and feelings, even if they differ from your own.
Research in the field of psychology has shown that empathy not only helps us connect with others, but it also fosters mutual respect. It’s about understanding that everyone has their own unique experiences and emotions.
As the renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman once stated, “Empathy represents the foundation skill for all social competencies important for work.”
So, let’s start practicing empathy in our daily interactions and truly connect with those around us.
5) Over-apologizing
This might sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out.
While it’s important to apologize when you’ve done something wrong, over-apologizing can actually undermine the respect people have for you.
Research actually backs this up — when we say sorry too often, for things we’re not responsible for or situations out of our control, it can create an impression of insecurity and lack of confidence.
To gain respect, it’s crucial to understand the power behind a well-placed apology. When you only apologize when genuinely necessary, it comes across as more meaningful and sincere.
It’s okay to make mistakes, but always know when an apology is truly warranted.
6) Neglecting self-care
Self-care is not just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.
If you’re constantly burning the candle at both ends, it can signal to others that you don’t respect yourself enough to take care of you.
Plus, when you neglect self-care, it can affect your mood, performance, and overall demeanor, which can impact how others perceive and respect you.
So set boundaries, take breaks when needed, eat healthily and exercise regularly. Showing yourself respect is the first step in commanding respect from others.
7) Not standing up for oneself
There was a time when I would let things slide to avoid conflict. I thought it was easier to let others have their way rather than potentially upset them by standing my ground.
But over time, I realized that this passive approach was doing more harm than good.
When you don’t stand up for yourself, it’s easy for people to overlook your needs and opinions. And if you don’t respect your own boundaries, how can you expect others to?
Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being confrontational. It’s about asserting your rights and expressing your opinions in a respectful manner.
8) Being a know-it-all
Knowledge is power, but that doesn’t mean you need to flaunt it at every opportunity. Being a know-it-all can come across as arrogant and can quickly hinder the respect others have for you.
Remember, nobody likes to feel belittled or unintelligent. It’s important to share your knowledge in a way that empowers others, not makes them feel inferior.
This is about striking a balance between confidence in your knowledge and humility in your delivery. It’s about creating an environment of mutual learning and respect.
Final thoughts
Earning respect starts with self-awareness and a willingness to change behaviors that no longer serve you.
By letting go of habits rooted in insecurity or ego, you create space for a more confident, authentic version of yourself to shine through.
The respect you seek will naturally follow when you align your actions with self-respect and integrity.
If you’re curious about exploring this deeper, my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” dives into how our behaviors, often driven by ego, shape our lives and relationships.
Drawing from timeless Buddhist principles, it offers simple yet profound lessons to help you live a life of greater impact, less ego, and, ultimately, the respect you truly deserve.
So let’s start this journey today, saying goodbye to behaviors that no longer serve us and embracing those that elevate us.
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