Lachlan Brown
Hey there, Lachlan here. Over the years, I’ve immersed myself in psychology, self-improvement, and mindfulness to understand how we can build healthier and closer relationships. My own journey taught me the hard way that if we really want solid friendships, we need to drop some habits that sabotage our connections.
Below are nine behaviors to kick out of your life if you’re aiming for genuine, long-lasting friendships.
Let’s dive in.
1. Gossiping Behind People’s Backs
I used to think sharing a bit of “juicy news” was harmless—until I realized it eats away at trust.
Carl Rogers, the renowned humanistic psychologist, once said: “What is most personal is most universal.”
If you use people’s personal moments for casual gossip, you’re undermining the very trust that friendships need to thrive.
Keep private things private. It’s a simple step that sets the stage for deeper connections.
2. Always Complaining Without Taking Action
We all vent sometimes—life gets tough. But if your default mode is whining about the same problems without trying to fix them, people will eventually tune out.
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as “learned helplessness”—when we believe we have no control and end up complaining instead of acting.
Try this: Next time you find yourself complaining, pause and ask, “Is there a small step I can take to change this situation?” You’ll be surprised how much your friends appreciate the shift.
3. Being a Conversation Hog
Ever catch yourself monologuing while your friend just nods politely? Yeah, that’s a surefire way to push people away.
The late Carl Jung suggested that listening fosters deeper empathy and understanding. I realized this during a long coffee chat with a buddy—I was so busy telling my story that I barely heard his.
Solution: Ask open-ended questions, and really listen to the answers. You’ll instantly notice how much closer you feel to people.
4. Negativity Overload
Constantly seeing the worst in every situation can poison the atmosphere around you.
There’s a concept in psychology called the negativity bias, which explains why our brains naturally focus on the bad stuff. But while the bias is normal, staying stuck in it pushes people away.
What helps: Balance the negative with the positive. For every bad situation you bring up, try to mention something good, too.
5. Comparing Yourself to Everyone
Look, it’s human to compare. But if you’re always measuring your achievements against your friends’, you create unnecessary tension.
Famous psychoanalyst Alfred Adler stressed that our desire for superiority often leads to unhealthy social dynamics.
My tip: Celebrate your friends’ wins and focus on your own path. Trust me, they’ll respect you for it—and they’ll be more open to sharing their victories and struggles, too.
6. Not Respecting Boundaries
At one point, I was so eager to help a friend that I bombarded them with advice… and guess what? They pulled away.
Sometimes people need space. Boundaries are a well-known concept in psychology—they’re crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and self-esteem.
In practice: Ask before dishing out advice. If they’re not open to it, that’s okay. Let them come to you when they’re ready.
7. Being Dishonest or Two-Faced
Sigmund Freud once said: “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” If you’re deceptive about who you are or pretend to be someone you’re not, your friendships will lack real depth. People sense inauthenticity, and they’ll keep you at arm’s length when they feel they can’t trust you.
Keep it real: If something bothers you, say it gently. If you made a mistake, own it. Honesty paves the way for stronger bonds.
8. Taking More Than You Give
Friendships are give-and-take. If you find yourself always receiving support, help, or advice without returning the favor, you’re leaning into entitlement.
Brené Brown, who’s famous for her work on vulnerability and empathy, suggests real connections happen when both parties feel seen and supported.
Check yourself: Ask how you can contribute to a friend’s life—maybe just lending an ear or showing up for them. Little gestures go a long way.
9. Hiding Behind a Mask of Perfection
I get it—nobody wants to seem weak. But trying to appear flawless 24/7 makes your friends feel uncomfortable. They can’t connect with perfection; they connect with vulnerability. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage,” says Brené Brown.
Real talk: Share your ups and downs. Show you’re human. Paradoxically, being open about your imperfections often makes you more likable and approachable.
Final Thoughts
Friendship isn’t just about having someone to hang out with or share memes with online—though that’s pretty great, too. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and genuine connection. By dropping these nine habits, you’ll clear the path for healthier, stronger, and more meaningful relationships.
Trust me, I’ve been there—my journey into self-improvement and mindfulness showed me that real, close friends are one of life’s greatest joys. Keep learning, keep growing, and remember: A small change in behavior can spark a huge change in your friendships.
Go out there and build those lasting connections. You’ve got this.
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