If you possess these 12 qualities, you’re an extremely likeable person

Getting along with one another is written in our DNA. That’s why we feel social rejection much in the same way as physical pain.

The truth is that we all want to be liked.

But what is the secret to winning people over?

If you have the following qualities, chances are you already do.

1) You’re warm and approachable

If people instantly get a good vibe from you, it’s probably down to your energy.

First impressions count.

In fact, studies suggest that we make snap judgments about people in the first second or so of meeting them.

We are silently reading cues that people give off. It’s in your body language and your entire demeanor.

A lot of this happens subconsciously, but we can tap into this simply by:

• Smiling
• Relaxing our posture
• Making eye contact
• Using someone’s name in conversation

But part of excluding warmth towards others relies on us being confident in ourselves too.

2) You’re open and at ease with yourself

There’s a good reason why these two qualities go together.

Because the truth is that the more comfortable we are in ourselves, the easier it is to be open with others.

We tend to be more guarded when we feel unsure.

When we are lacking in confidence we’re more likely to struggle with simply being ourselves. But when you don’t try too hard it puts those around you at ease.

If you like who you are, you won’t feel the need to force anything. And that’s an incredibly likable quality.

Many of us are experts are sniffing out fakery, and it doesn’t sit right with us.

But you don’t feel like you have anything to hide. So you are able to present yourself sincerely and with authenticity.

3) You listen to people and are curious to learn more

Active listening is a skill that many of us could do with mastering. Because research has concluded that we’re not as good at listening as we like to think.

We can spend way too much time thinking about what to say in reply, rather than giving our full attention to who is talking.

Or when we first meet someone we talk too much about ourselves, and not enough about the other person.

So if you listen intently and encourage others to talk about themselves, then you’re already instantly more likable.

Research has shown that we like people more when they ask us questions. So it’s essentially a matter of staying curious about the people we meet.

4) You’re pretty good at small talk

Sadly I’m not naturally good at chit-chat. But the good news is that it is a skill that can be learned.

It may seem trivial, but it’s an important social tool. Small talk is how we get to know each other and start connections.

Diving straight in with deep and meaningfuls can be too intense. As can revealing too much too soon.

Finding appropriate topics to connect with someone over is part of good communication.

It helps us find common ground, whilst remaining appropriate in the company of others.

5) You’re polite and courteous

Never let it be said that manners are dead.

How we present ourselves to others clearly affects how they see us.

It’s not rocket science, we’re simply talking about:

• Saying please and thank you
• Carrying yourself in a dignified way
• Not interrupting people
• Showing your appreciation
• Apologizing for your errors
• Offering genuine compliments

Of course, part of having good manners also involves what we don’t say as much as what we do say.

That means avoiding embarrassing people, criticizing, or unfairly judging.

6) You’re non-judgmental in your approach to people

Nobody wants to feel judged. It only serves to alienate those around us.

So it’s no surprise that people who come across as superior or on their high horse are a big turn-off.

It’s easy to see why staying open-minded makes us more likable because it leaves us receptive to a far more wide-ranging selection of ideas, information, and opinions.

We become inclusive rather than exclusive. It’s also a sign of rational and critical thinking.

But the truth is that it is far from easy. We all have cognitive biases that get in the way. So it demands that we stay vigilant to those.

Perhaps another reason why open-mindedness is so appealing is that it highlights a certain amount of humility within someone.

Because to judge others assumes that we are right and they are wrong — and what is more arrogant than that?

7) You have high emotional intelligence

How do you know if you have high EQ?

Well, people with a good amount of emotional intelligence tend to be:

• Self-aware
• Respect boundaries
• Empathetic
• Good at expressing themselves
• Authentic
• Attentive
• Humble
• Influential

If you are ticking plenty of those boxes, then congrats, you most likely score highly.

Emotional intelligence is vital to being likable as it is what helps you to cultivate your people skills.

It means you are aware of others. You are skilled at reading a room and behaving appropriately.

You can not only express yourself in a positive way, but you are also good at understanding those around you.

This puts you in tune with their needs and moods.

8) You’re discreet and can be trusted

On the surface, reliability doesn’t sound like one of the most thrilling of traits.

But when it comes to likability, we’re looking for many down-to-earth qualities that make us feel at ease with someone.

And dependability and discretion are part of that.

You are an extremely likable person when you show yourself to be a trustworthy person.

• You can keep a secret
• You don’t gossip
• You avoid badmouthing others
• You avoid drama

9) You’re upbeat and have a generally positive outlook

Ok, so you don’t have to be upbeat all the time — nobody is.

But despite the bad days that we all have, you pride yourself on your positive mental attitude.

Being around too much negativity is a real drag.

That’s why spending time with people who are constantly complaining or put a downer on everything feels so heavy.

Surrounding yourself with positive people can have a powerful impact on your own mood, outlook, and well-being.

So it’s no wonder we all prefer to be around these uplifting people, that can provide inspiration and motivation.

10) You’re a team player who thinks of others

Altruism is an incredibly likable quality. Research has shown that so-called pro-social behaviors make us more popular.

In fact, it can even make us more attractive too. One study highlighted how:

“Individuals who displayed high levels of altruism were rated significantly more desirable overall.”

Our species has evolved thanks to our ability to cooperate and help each other out.

So you’ll be winning far more favor if:

• You celebrate other people’s wins
• You believe in collaboration over competition
• You share your time, resources, and skills with others
• You don’t hog the limelight
• You volunteer or donate
• You do things purely for the benefit and consideration of others with no personal gain

11) You have a good sense of humor and don’t take things too seriously

Having a good sense of humor goes beyond simply lightening the mood.

Psychologists even suggest that this quality is one of our biggest strengths. As explained in Quartz:

“Along with gratitude, hope, and spirituality, a sense of humor belongs to the set of strengths positive psychologists call transcendence; together they help us forge connections to the world and provide meaning to life.”

Being able to laugh increases our emotional well-being, health, and optimism.

With so many benefits to our overall quality of life, it stands to reason it’s something we value in others too.

In short, funny people make us happier!

12) You have integrity in spades

Here’s the thing:

Likability does not equate to agreeableness.

In fact, so-called “yes people”, who simply go along with everything you say are far less appealing.

Why?

Because they lack integrity and that means they lose our respect as a consequence.

Yes, it’s important to be considerate and kind, as we’ve seen. But the best way to be popular is not to suck up to someone.

In order to be likable, we have to be sincere. That means staying true to our own beliefs and values.

When we abandon these, people’s regard for us tends to plummet.

Final thoughts: Likability is an art, not a science

It’s true that some universal qualities seem to make us warm to people. But just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is likability.

We tend to gravitate towards the people who share our values, outlook, and take on life.

They say that your vibe attracts your tribe, so being yourself is still one of the best ways to do that.

Related:

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• If you really want to be a better person, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors
• If you display these 12 traits, you have a Type C personality