Roselle Umlas
There are tons of articles out there talking about the qualities to look for in a partner. Some of us may have checklists to gauge if the person weโre dating measures up.
Thatโs all well and good. It pays to be discerning, after all. But โ what about us? How do WE measure up?
Iโve always believed that being the right person is more important than finding the right person. I believe that when we shift our focus to that, the right person will naturally gravitate to us.
And it wonโt be just you who feels lucky; they will, too!
So, do you have what it takes to be the right person for your partner? If you possess these 10 qualities, then yes, you do!
1) Forgiving
First up โ are you able to forgive your partner when they hurt you? The ability to forgive is one of the most important components of a healthy relationship.
Because no matter how good a partner you have, at some point, they will hurt you.
And unless you can understand that imperfection is a given and let go of the pain, then youโll feel resentful and bitter.
This old Ruth Bell Graham quote still rings true today: โMarriage is the union of two good forgivers.โ
I know Iโve messed up many times in my own relationship, but fortunately, Iโm married to a man who knows how to forgive. I canโt tell you how lucky that makes me feel!
On that note, though, Iโd like to clarify that being forgiving doesnโt equate to tolerating or excusing abusive behavior.
Forgiveness is about finding peace and moving forward from hurt or misunderstandings that are a natural part of any relationship.
So donโt confuse it with the acceptance of any form of abuse, whether emotional, physical, verbal, etc.
2) Not keeping score
One of the most common mistakes people do in relationships is to run a scoreboard.
By this, I mean that they seem to count every move and tally it up to see who does more and who does less in the relationship.
Sometimes, it even leaches out to matters outside the relationship, like who has the better career, earns more money, has more friends, etc.
This often happens to those who approach relationships in a competitive spirit. Which, when you think about it, doesnโt make sense.
Relationships are supposed to be about teamwork. Itโs about lifting each other up, stepping in when your partner needs some help.
Itโs definitely not a competition with insecurity and envy at the root. According to Marriage.com, โWith competition, partners view each other as rivals.โ
Thatโs got to be one of the most toxic relationship dynamics out there, donโt you think?
Thatโs why, if being your partnerโs teammate is more important to you than anything else, theyโre lucky to have you.
3) Generous
Now, Iโm not just talking about money here or physical gifts. Iโm talking about an overall generosity of the spirit.
Giving gifts might not be your love language, but you know what? You can still be considered a generous person if you:
- Know how to forgive (yes, a forgiving spirit is a generous spirit)
- Give your partner the time and attention they need to feel loved
- Perform small acts of kindness for them
- Treat your partner with respect
Plus points if youโreโฆ
4) Affectionate
Did you know that affection (or rather, the lack of it) is the number one reason why couples seek therapy?
Thatโs right โ it seems like couples can forego therapy for any other issues they might have, but a lack of affection? Thatโs enough to drive them to the therapistโs office.
Why is affection so important in a relationship? Letโs look at what research says about it:
- First, affection is a way for us to gauge if our partner is still interested in us
- The more affection we express and receive, the more committed and satisfied we feel
- Affection enhances closeness
- Affection makes us feel good physically
In fact, did you know that kissing actually reduces cholesterol? Man, thatโs some real high-value lovinโ right there!
So, if youโre very generous with your hugs and kisses and just being affectionate all around, that bodes really well for your relationship.
5) Non-judgmental and empathetic
Another quality that would make your partner feel really lucky to have you is empathy and an open mind.
Simply put, itโs what makes them see you as a safe space, which is what every partner should be.
You make your partner feel seen and understood. They can share their deepest thoughts and cringiest moments, and rest assured knowing you wonโt be judging them.
Not everyone can do this. Iโve had a few exes who were a bit lacking in the empathy department.
Iโd share something really important to me, only to have them dismiss it. Or Iโd have a silly or goofy moment, and theyโd tell me to โgrow upโ.
So yeah, I didnโt feel completely at ease or safe enough to show every side of me when I was with them.
It goes two ways, though, which brings me to my next pointโฆ
6) Willing to be vulnerable
Yes, you are your partnerโs safe space. Are they yours, too?
See, when it comes to relationships, vulnerability is a top requirement.
As Brene Brown says, โVulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.โ
I know itโs not easy to put yourself out there. But itโs the only path to genuine connection.
To illustrate, I once had an ex who found it so hard to open up with me. He never asked for help, and I often felt like there was an invisible wall between us, even if he was perfectly sweet and charming and all.
SoโฆI canโt say I felt lucky. I felt more like I had a mission โ to get him to open up and be vulnerable with me.
But then, as I later realized, that wasnโt my job. Deciding to be vulnerable and emotionally available was entirely his.
In contrast, with my husband, who has always let me in right from the start, I feel so lucky. Lucky to be given a front-row view to who he really is. Lucky to not have to hurdle invisible walls. Lucky to not have to second-guess how he really feels.
And above all, honored to be his safe space. Thatโs how your partner feels when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with them.
Make no mistake โ vulnerability is a gift you give to both yourself and your partner.
7) Supportive
As I mentioned earlier, relationships are about teamwork. You want your partner to be in your corner, to be someone you can lean on when times are tough.
In the same breath, are you that person for them, too?
If you are, then youโre quite the catch! Thatโs not just me saying it, the research points to that, too.
According to studies, having a supportive partner increases relationship satisfaction. Having someone around who makes us feel good about ourselves makes us feel great about both the relationship and life in general.
8) Loyal and faithful
Of course, this is a given in any relationship. And yet, we also know how so many fall short of this.
I mean, in this day and age, cheating has become so commonplace that the idea of a faithful partner has become some sort of lofty, unreachable ideal. Maybe like a unicorn, even.
So when you find one, well, you just feel so incredibly lucky. Thatโs how your partner feels if youโve proven your loyalty and faithfulness as well.
9) Reliable
Similarly, being true to your word makes your partner feel like they really won the lottery.
Think about it โ in a world where talk is cheap and people throw out promises like nothing, doesnโt it feel like a breath of fresh air when someone actually does what they said theyโd do?
Your reliability makes you a huge blessing to the people in your life. Your partner can rest easy knowing theyโve got someone they can trust and rely on.
10) Spontaneous and willing to try new things
Just as important as stability and reliability is a spontaneous and adventurous spirit.
Why? Well, because it keeps things sparkly and fun! Any couple thatโs been together for a long time will tell you that it can get boring after a while.
Unlessโฆtheir partner is up for trying new things and knows how to be spontaneous.
I mean, daily life can get monotonous. We need those little breaks of unplanned adventures to refresh our brains.
Plus, how else will we make new memories, right?
But it goes beyond merely being fun. Being spontaneous in a relationship shows your partner that you’re invested in keeping the excitement and joy alive.
At the core, itโs about assuring them of your commitment to keep your connection strong.
11) Funny
Finally, we get to humor โ a quite underrated but absolutely essential factor in relationship satisfaction.
Case in point: Ryan Reynolds and Blake Livelyโs relationship. These two people love roasting, trolling and pranking each other and we all love watching how they just donโt take themselves too seriously.
Truth is, humor makes us attractive to our partners. When you think about it, it says so much about a person, such as their level of intelligence, sociability, and agreeability.
Not only that, it also keeps the relationship strong. Shared laughter holds a lot of power. Especially during tough times.
It might sound corny, but itโs true โ if you marry someone who makes you laugh, chances are your life together will have lots of fun and good cheer.
And if youโre the one who makes your partner laughโฆthen trust me, they probably feel like theyโre one of the luckiest people on earth.
Out of 8 billion people, theyโve landed someone who can make their life so much lighter and happier. What are the chances, right? Lucky!
