I’m not intense, I can say that wholeheartedly.
But my best friend is someone who I would place in that category.
And I love her for it.
But at the same time, I can see why it would be frustrating to meet new people and thoroughly enjoy speaking to them, only to be told later that you came off a little…intense.
Obviously, this hurts.
You thought you were being welcoming and enthusiastic, but this sure doesn’t sound like a compliment.
The funny thing is that a lot of these traits are in a way mislabelled.
Intensity and passion doesn’t sit right with the placid and docile amongst us, so understand when to embrace the characteristics that make you you. Even if they are quite powerful.
You should never feel the need to change to please someone else.
But if you’re unsure as to what exactly you’re doing that’s coming across as intense, consider these 10 points:
1) Speaking loud and fast
Especially when the conversation turns to an area of particular interest to you, you can’t help but to talk and talk, with an increasingly loud pitch of voice.
You might find yourself cutting in when other people are speaking just because you’re so excited to share your own point, you can’t possibly wait.
Or you allow for no outside input as you’re so invested in what you have to say, you absolutely, unconditionally must say it all before anyone has a chance to get a word in edgeways.
Passion and enthusiasm is wonderful, but remember to incorporate time and space for other people when speaking.
Who knows – they might have an equally interesting perspective to offer.
2) Trauma-dumping here we come
You’re not one to wait around before getting into your life story.
First date or first time meeting new friends, you avoid small-talk and meaningless conversations.
Instead, you dive deep into your life history; no details spared. Oversharing is your way of forming a connection.
Being open is a great quality to have, but consider timing when deciding to impart your life story and allow others to earn your trust first.
3) A lion who does not concern himself (or herself) with the opinions of sheep
Guess who the lion is?
Yes, you guessed it, it’s you!
Not concerning yourself with the opinions of others is a great trait to possess.
Gossip all they like, you don’t give a care in the world.
But for those who live by societal expectations and love to judge, this self-confidence will no doubt rub them up the wrong way.
4) Expressive, emotive, animated
When you do get carried away in conversation, do you find yourself using big and dramatic words to articulate how you’re feeling?
Do words like love and hatred and repulsed and furious pepper your everyday vocabulary?
Having such a colorful and emotional way of speaking stands out amongst a sea of individuals who tend to describe everything as ‘okay’, or ‘fine’.
The contrast by your usage of passionate words coupled with what I’m assuming are incredibly emotive facial expressions and avid gestures makes for quite an intense experience.
Your energy may for this reason put some people off – but don’t let it dull your flame.
5) You’re a hopeless romantic
Love-bombing can be cute, right?
If you really think about it, can you name a time when you maybe came off a little too strong, too early on?
Not intentionally. You just felt so enamoured by this person and so aflame in the heat of the moment that you confessed your burning love and started suggesting wedding attire.
Your devout belief that true love exists coupled with your passion and zeal for life makes for an intense combination for lovers, both past and present.
The intensity with which you love can for some be a little too hot to handle.
6) Never-ending questions
And these lovers or friends are met with a constant stream of questions.
You can’t help it.
You’re just so invested in what they have to say, what they’ve been through, how they’re feeling.
This burning desire to understand them and how they view the world spurns you to ask question after question, which to the recipient can quickly feel like a rather overwhelming interview.
Your intentions are always pure and honest; after all, you can’t help but let your curiosity lead you into probing them further.
7) Brutal honesty
The life you lead is an honest one.
No white lies or skirting around mistruths on your end.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
If someone asks for your opinion, say, “do I look good in this?”
Yes, you do have the angel perched on your shoulder telling you to say that they look lovely.
But the honest attributes within you make sure you always tell the truth, no matter the consequence.
As we tend to lie or avoid answering questions if we know the answers will hurt people, the fact that you stand out in telling the truth rubs some people up the wrong way.
This blunt honesty is resultantly often labelled as a form of rude intensity, even though it’s such a valuable and rare trait to possess.
8) You’re no match in arguments
When it comes to disagreements or conflict, I sure wouldn’t want to be up against you.
Whilst you might not scream or shout, you definitely aren’t backing down without a fight.
In fact, you tend to present clearly structured and coherent arguments, and don’t tend to give in or yield just for the sake of a truce.
Nor should you give in just for the sake of quelling an argument – but this ability to stand up for yourself and fight your corner means that some people see you as irate and disagreeable.
9) Ignorance or rudeness doesn’t get past you
You’re not argumentative, but when it comes to noticing others acting out or speaking in a wilfully ignorant or offensive manner, you have no qualms about speaking up.
You have patience for those who don’t know better and are uneducated on certain subjects.
But when comments are made based on assumptions without factual evidence, you’ll be the first to tell them that’s out of order.
Calling people out is something that many people avoid out of embarrassment or fear of conflict, so your confidence and courage in doing so sometimes comes across as intense and abrasive.
Difficult, if you will.
But in all honesty, calling out discrimination or offensive remarks is something you should be proud of.
If anything, those people could learn a lesson or two from you.
10) You feel your moods
Many of us have a tendency to repress our emotions and feelings.
Sadness or anger gets stuffed deep within our chests and locked away – usually resulting in later meltdowns when those repressed emotions boil up to the surface.
Not you, though.
You feel your emotions.
You don’t let them control you, but you’re not adverse to letting them sit with you in the moment.
This might well mean that you go through periods of what others view as seeming moody or gloomy.
The societal expectation to suppress emotion and live a happy-go-lucky life means that you stand out in feeling and processing these emotions, rather than just hiding them.
Yet you’re doing no wrong in acknowledging how you feel and working with those feelings (as long as you’re not lashing out nor staying stuck in one mood, unable and unwilling to work through it.)
Hopefully you can rest assured that being labelled as too intense is in most cases only a projection of someone else’s inability to handle emotion.
We tend so often to suppress and reject our true feelings, that anyone who stands out in doing the opposite and accepting how they feel stands out like an alien.
But you’re on the right track.
People who constantly sneer and shun you for being ‘too intense’ aren’t worth your time anyway – they have plenty of healing to do on their own.
So don’t dull your flame just to meet someone else’s expectations.
What better way to show gratitude for all the things you enjoy and stand up for your morals than to voice it, anyway?