Isabella Chase
As humans, we all want to feel secure, valued, and able to trust those around us.
Sadly, not everyone we encounter warrants our trust. Some people may exhibit deceptive behaviors that could be damaging to our well-being and peace of mind.
Trust is an essential pillar in any relationship, whether it’s friendship, romantic, or professional. However, some individuals may display certain behaviors that signal they cannot be trusted.
These less than trustworthy individuals may display a pattern of dishonesty, inconsistency, or manipulative behavior. These signs may not be obvious at first, but they tend to emerge over time and can be quite harmful.
I’m here to help you identify these warning signs. I’ve gathered a list of nine tell-tale behaviors that indicate you’re dealing with someone who can’t be trusted.
1) They’re inconsistent
This doesn’t necessarily mean they change their favorite food or music genre every week. Instead, it points to a deeper level of inconsistency in their words and actions.
You might notice that what they promise and what they deliver rarely match up. They might say one thing but do another, or they might change their story or stance depending on who they’re talking to.
For instance, perhaps they told you about a meeting at work on Friday night but you later find out they were at a bar with friends. Or maybe they promise to help you with a project but continually bail at the last minute with flimsy excuses.
2) They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic which makes you question your own memory, perception, or sanity. This can be one of the most damaging forms of deceit as it erodes your confidence and self-belief.
For example, they may deny that a conversation or event ever took place, or insist that you’re remembering it wrong. They might claim they never made a promise that you distinctly remember them making.
This can be incredibly confusing and disorientating. You start to doubt your own memory and perception of things, and this is exactly what the untrustworthy person wants.
3) They’re overly charming
Charm isn’t inherently a bad thing. In fact, most of us appreciate charismatic and friendly individuals. However, when someone is excessively charming, it could be a sign that they’re not trustworthy.
For instance, they might shower you with compliments and attention to win you over. They may always say exactly what you want to hear and seem to be the perfect friend or partner.
But this excessive charm can often be a facade. It’s a way for them to gain your trust and affection quickly, often with the intention of using it to their advantage later on.
4) They avoid responsibility
Life is full of ups and downs, successes and failures. It’s how we handle these situations that truly define us. A trustworthy person knows this and isn’t afraid to own up to their mistakes.
On the other hand, someone who can’t be trusted often avoids taking responsibility for their actions. They’ll find a way to shift the blame onto others or make excuses for their behavior.
For example, if they’re late for a meeting, instead of apologizing and acknowledging their mistake, they might blame it on traffic, a slow barista, or even you for scheduling it at an inconvenient time.
This refusal to accept responsibility is a clear sign that they’re not willing to be honest, even with themselves.
5) They lack empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial trait that helps us connect and build trust with each other.
However, someone who can’t be trusted might show a lack of empathy. They might dismiss your feelings, ignore your problems, or fail to show any genuine concern for your well-being.
For instance, if you’re upset about something, they may brush it off as unimportant or tell you that you’re overreacting. They might not take the time to listen to your concerns or try to understand your perspective.
6) They’re secretive
We all have parts of our lives that we prefer to keep private. However, there’s a significant difference between valuing privacy and intentionally being secretive.
Someone who can’t be trusted often has a tendency to be overly secretive. They might withhold information, avoid answering direct questions, or be vague about their whereabouts or activities.
For example, they might frequently step out to take private phone calls or be hesitant about introducing you to their friends or family. They might also have a habit of leaving out important details or changing the subject when certain topics come up.
This kind of secrecy can create a sense of unease and mistrust. It leaves you wondering what they’re hiding and why they feel the need to be so elusive.
7) They’re a bad listener
Listening might not seem like a big deal, but it actually plays a huge role in trust. Good listeners make us feel heard, valued, and understood.
However, someone who can’t be trusted might not be a great listener. They might constantly interrupt you, seem distracted when you’re talking, or forget important things that you’ve told them.
For example, you might find that they can’t remember your favorite movie, even though you’ve mentioned it multiple times. Or maybe they ask you the same questions over and over again because they weren’t really listening the first time.
8) They’re self-centered
We all have moments of selfishness – it’s part of being human. But there’s a big difference between occasional self-centered moments and a habitual self-centered attitude.
If someone is constantly putting their needs, desires, and opinions above everyone else’s, that’s a clear sign they can’t be trusted. They might talk about themselves all the time, ignore your needs, or show little interest in anything that doesn’t directly benefit them.
For instance, they might choose a restaurant for dinner without considering your preferences, or consistently make plans that suit their schedule without thinking about yours.
9) They break promises
Promises are a big deal. They represent our commitment to do something and our reliability as individuals. When someone consistently breaks their promises, it’s a clear sign they can’t be trusted.
Maybe they frequently cancel plans at the last minute, fail to follow through on commitments, or make promises they have no intention of keeping. This inconsistent behavior can leave you feeling let down and unsure of where you stand.
Always remember this: Actions speak louder than words. If their actions don’t match their promises, then it might be time to reevaluate how much trust you place in them.
In conclusion
According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts, “Trust in a relationship is built on security, not deceit. If you’re dealing with someone whose behavior consistently lacks honesty, it may be time to rethink your relationship with them.”
Don’t forget, everyone deserves to be in relationships where they feel secure, valued, and respected. If these elements are missing, it might be time to reconsider the relationship or interaction.
At the end of the day, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Reflect on your relationships and interactions. Are they leaving you feeling positive and uplifted? Or are they draining you emotionally?
