If you notice these 8 conversational tactics, you’re dealing with a master manipulator

It’s a sad truth that not everyone has your best interests at heart. Some people, master manipulators, have honed their conversational skills to subtly control others. They hide their true motives under layers of smooth talk and persuasive phrases.

But fear not! I’m here to help you identify when you’re dealing with such individuals.

In this article, I’ll be highlighting 8 conversational tactics that master manipulators commonly use.

Let’s get started. 

1. They’re masters of ambiguity

Let’s start with a tricky one: ambiguity.

Master manipulators are experts at being vague. They often use unclear language to keep you off balance. The aim? To make you feel uncertain and less confident in your own decision-making abilities.

Imagine you’re having a discussion about plans for the weekend. If they want to control the outcome, a manipulator may say something like, “Well, I guess we could do that… but there are other options that might be better.”

Notice how they didn’t outright reject your idea, but they’ve planted a seed of doubt. The ambiguity leaves you unsure and opens a door for them to take control of the conversation and decision.

The key to spotting this tactic is to be aware of when you’re feeling uncertain during a discussion. If you notice that you’re feeling unsure more frequently when interacting with a certain individual, you might be dealing with a manipulator.

2. They’re champions of guilt-tripping

Ah, the old guilt trip. It’s one of the manipulator’s favorite weapons in their arsenal.

I’ve experienced this first-hand. A few years back, I had a friend who consistently used guilt to get their way. For instance, we’d agreed to go to a concert together. However, on the day, I was feeling under the weather and decided to stay home.

Instead of understanding, my friend said, “But I bought these tickets just because you said you wanted to go…I wouldn’t have bothered otherwise.”

Notice how they shifted the blame onto me? That’s classic guilt-tripping.

Manipulators use this tactic to make you feel responsible for their feelings or outcomes. They know that if they can make you feel guilty, they can then easily sway your decisions.

3. They have a knack for playing the victim

Next up: playing the victim. Master manipulators are incredibly skilled at painting themselves as the innocent party, especially when they’re anything but.

They can twist any situation to appear as if they’re the ones being wronged, even when they’re clearly at fault. This is a manipulative tactic designed to evoke sympathy and divert attention away from their own behavior.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into this manipulative tactic in more detail. I explore how manipulators use the Buddhist concept of suffering to their advantage, making themselves appear as victims to gain sympathy and control.

For example, if a manipulator is confronted about something they’ve done wrong, they might respond with something like, “You’re always blaming me for everything. Can’t you see how hard I’m trying?”

This effectively shifts the focus from their misbehavior to their perceived suffering. It’s a sly way of avoiding responsibility and manipulating you into feeling bad for them.

4. They love the blame game

Master manipulators are experts at passing the buck – they love the blame game.

Psychologically speaking, blaming others is a way to protect one’s self-esteem. By attributing their own failures or mistakes to others, manipulators maintain their self-image and avoid feeling bad about themselves.

But it’s not just about protecting their ego. Blaming others is also a powerful tool of control. When you’re constantly being blamed, you might start to believe that you’re at fault, even when you’re not. This can lead to feelings of guilt and self-doubt, making you more susceptible to manipulation.

For example, if a project fails, a master manipulator might say, “We would’ve succeeded if you had done your part properly,” even when it’s clear that there were multiple factors at play.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone makes mistakes and no single person is responsible for all the problems.

5. They’re surprisingly agreeable

Now, this might sound counter-intuitive, but bear with me. Master manipulators can often come across as extremely agreeable. They seem to be on your side, agreeing with your ideas and opinions.

But here’s the catch: this agreement is often a manipulation tactic. By constantly agreeing with you, they’re building a rapport and making you feel like you’re on the same team. This can make it easier for them to subtly influence and control your decisions.

For instance, they might say, “You’re absolutely right, that’s a great idea,” even when they don’t genuinely believe it. Later, they might subtly suggest alterations or completely change the course of action, relying on the rapport they’ve built to make you go along with their plan.

While it’s nice to have people agree with us, it’s also important to have genuine conversations where differing opinions can be shared freely. 

6. They’re skilled at using emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is another powerful tool in the manipulator’s toolkit. They’ll use your feelings and vulnerabilities against you to get what they want.

The process is often subtle and gradual. They might start by learning about your fears, hopes, and insecurities. Then, they’ll use this information to their advantage by creating situations that trigger your emotions, making you more likely to bend to their will.

For example, if they know you’re afraid of confrontation, they might threaten a fight or a break-up to make you comply with their wishes.

It’s important to protect your emotional health and not let anyone use it as leverage against you. Stand firm in your convictions and don’t let someone else’s wants override your needs.

7. They have a flair for gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person is made to question their own perception, memory, or sanity. It’s damaging, confusing, and unfortunately, startlingly common.

I remember an instance when a close associate consistently denied making certain comments, even when I had clear recollection of them. They’d say things like, “You must have misunderstood,” or “I never said that.”

Over time, this constant denial started to make me question my own memory. Was I really misremembering things? It took a while to realize that this was a pattern of gaslighting.

If you find yourself doubting your own memories or perception in the presence of someone else, it’s possible that you’re being gaslighted. 

8. They’re masters of the silent treatment

Last, but definitely not least, is the silent treatment. It’s a form of emotional manipulation where the manipulator withdraws from communication to punish, control, or convey their disapproval.

This can leave you feeling anxious, guilty, and desperate to resolve whatever issue has supposedly caused the silent treatment. This desperation can then be exploited by the manipulator to control your actions.

For example, if you disagree with them on a matter, they might suddenly stop responding to your messages or calls. This leaves you feeling uncomfortable and eager to make things right, even if it means going against your own judgment.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of the silent treatment, don’t let it push you into complying with the manipulator’s demands. Remember that healthy communication is key in any relationship.

Final thoughts: It’s all in the patterns

Human interaction is complex and layered. Subtle cues, hidden motives, and even our own biases can shape the way we perceive and respond to others.

When it comes to manipulation, it’s not always about one-off incidents; it’s about patterns. Spotting these patterns is the first step towards safeguarding yourself against master manipulators.

In my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore many of these patterns in depth, offering insights into human behavior and how to navigate complex relationships effectively.

Remember, manipulators rely on your reactions to their tactics. By recognizing these tactics for what they are, you can choose not to engage and thereby break the cycle of manipulation.

As we conclude this journey, take a moment to reflect on your interactions. Are there patterns that make you feel uncomfortable or controlled? If so, know that you possess the power to change the dynamic.

In the words of esteemed psychologist Wayne Dyer, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Let this be your mantra as you navigate the intricate maze of human interactions. Stay aware, stay empowered.