Are you tired of being alone? Have you been waiting for that special someone to come along?
The beauty of romance is that sparks often fly when we least expect it.
And more often than not, we subconsciously attract others when we’re not actively looking for love… when we’re most content with ourselves.
This means embodying certain traits that communicate our worth as potential partners.
In this article, I’ll take you through some of the key qualities that are highly valued in the world of dating.
No, I don’t mean eight-pack abs or your follower count on Instagram, I’m talking about the stuff that counts deep down.
Ready to kiss your singlehood goodbye? Let’s dive in!
1) Emotional intelligence
People with high emotional intelligence have an understanding and awareness of both themselves and those around them.
This makes them effective communicators and allows them to empathize and defuse unnecessary tension in many circumstances.
Being emotionally intelligent signifies stability and is therefore seen as an attractive quality.
I think we can all agree that life is too short to be in a rollercoaster of a relationship.
When I was younger, I’d often get easily riled up during clashes with my ex.
Sometimes, I would become frantic if we didn’t fix things immediately, denying her the necessary space we both actually needed.
I’d let my feelings rule over me and the situation, effectively inflaming things.
These days, in my older and marginally wiser state, I take a pacifist stance towards the inevitable love quarrels of my relationship.
I let things pass, I don’t react impulsively, I let emotions run their course.
Today, I enjoy far more harmonious relationships than I did during those younger, more naive days.
Confidence can be entrancing. A person who is aware of their worth, maintains positive self-esteem, and is authentic yet humble? Highly attractive!
When you’re confident, people notice when you walk into a room. But true confidence isn’t limited to swag, it goes far deeper.
You can be soft-spoken and still exude plenty of confidence.
Being respectful to everyone, even when they can’t do anything for you, for instance, is a telltale sign of someone who is extremely self-assured in themselves.
Having confidence means you have nothing to prove, so naturally, you’re at ease with yourself and others; it means embracing your shortcomings, instead of being ashamed of them.
When you’re not genuinely confident, meanwhile, you might constantly have a front or feel like you’re too good for certain individuals, since deep down you’re compensating for something lacking.
Trust me, people eventually notice.
Confidence often also manifests as kindness and empathy. This brings me to my next point…
3) Kindness and empathy
Whatever dating manual you’ve come across online that says you have to be an a**hole to get a partner, scrap it.
If you want to find a high-quality girlfriend or boyfriend in life, genuine kindness is the way to go.
Being the cocky jerk is for 15-year-old high school bullies from 2003. I’d like to think that as a species, we’ve evolved in our treatment of others since then.
The ability to empathize with others, for example, will not go overlooked in the dating world, I guarantee you.
By being kind and courteous to everyone in the room from the server to the person sitting opposite you, you’re exuding your true value to the rest of the world, potential romantic partners very much included.
4) Sense of humor
When you make someone laugh, you’re breaking down a barrier and allowing others to feel comfortable and at ease in your presence. This is just science.
Life is serious enough as it is: global pandemic, capitalist injustice, endless wars, disease, student loans.
So when you’re funny and playful, people tend to be drawn towards you, as your company represents a dopamine-induced respite from the oft-stressful realities of the world. Let’s face it, laughing feels good.
So keep cultivating that sense of humor, it’s an age-old aphrodisiac for good reason. Just don’t try too hard.
In a world of stomach-churning conformity, being capable of individuality is an absolute asset.
When you’re independent, you tend to have unique, niche interests, not just sports, reality TV, or the latest Tiktok trends.
You’re a freethinker who doesn’t often obediently lay down to societal pressures like everyone else. This just shows how comfortable you are in your own skin.
Independence also means not having to rely on others to survive–it means being self-sufficient, financially, physically, or emotionally; something that, when achieved, is incredibly liberating.
Sure, you may have your own core set of interests but this doesn’t mean you’re not open to new things.
If you’re regularly willing to try exotic foods or go on trips to unfamiliar, potentially uncomfortable places, then chances are you have a pretty open mind.
Open-mindedness is an attractive trait for numerous reasons. Firstly, it signifies a sense of adventure and fun (nobody wants to be in a boring relationship.)
Second, it’s a sign of adaptability–and in the context of a relationship, being adaptable is a major plus. You’re able to flow like water, adapting to the fast-paced and inevitable changes of life.
One of the people I’ve always looked up to was Anthony Bourdain. Bourdain was so much more than a chef, an author, or a TV host.
Sure he was all these things at a high level but, to me, his most admirable quality was his ability to create a dialogue with other cultures, eat their food, and connect with them, shedding light on their struggles to the rest of the world in the process.
Through his own brand of open-mindedness as well as compassion and food, he brought us all a little closer to one another.
Real talk: life can be hard. Struggle has no prejudices. Whether you’re a billionaire or living off food stamps, none of us are immune to pain.
So if you’re able to bounce back from hard times and adversity, still standing with a willingness to learn, you’re in quite an exclusive club.
You’re also showing prospective mates that you’re an ideal co-pilot to fly through a storm with—that you aren’t deterred by setbacks and that your strength of character is something special.
If you spend your days playing Diablo on your couch over cold pizza, chances are you won’t be attracting a quality partner in the foreseeable future.
Whether you have money in the bank, a trust fund, or an inheritance on its way, if you have no ambition, none of that really matters.
But if you’re constantly moving and trying to improve yourself, be it through formal education, career drive, personal fitness goals, or even learning new life skills, you’re increasing your desirability as a romantic candidate.
At the end of the day, most people want to be stimulated and grow as individuals too–and opportunities for doing so loitering on a sofa are sadly limited.
9) A positive outlook
Here’s the bottom line: optimism is sexy. Sure, you can try to be the brooding, angry intellectual, but this persona will only take you so far.
Take it from me; when I was younger I was something of a cynic.
I pursued a girl for months, I thought she was playing me hot and cold. Midway through one of our dates, I noticed her sullenly glaring at her untouched plate of sushi.
When I asked her what was the matter, she told me she couldn’t date me romantically anymore, citing my pessimism as the main reason for the decision.
I was in my twenties, but I soon realized that seeing the glass as constantly half empty can be draining for a potential partner, particularly in the early stages of a relationship.
Turns out, my negative energy wasn’t nearly as cool as I thought.
I’ve since made a conscious effort to have a more upbeat approach to life, and my relationships have improved as a result.
To recap, I’d like to say that there’s no such thing as a perfect human.
Yes, not even Beyonce.
I know that the contents of this article can seem a bit overwhelming, but as long as you move forward with genuine effort, you’ll be in a good place down the line.
Once you start noticing change, big or small, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.
Also, while these items give you a baseline of the characteristics, this doesn’t mean you should change your entire identity and pretend to be someone you’re not. Rather, embrace your best qualities alongside whatever you pick up here.
Remember, once you foster your best self, it’s only a matter of time before the right person will come along. Keep going!