If you have doubts about your relationship, ask yourself these 8 brutally honest questions for clarity

Doubts in a relationship are like warning lights on a dashboard—they may signal that something deeper needs your attention.

It’s easy to brush off these feelings, convincing yourself that everything is fine, but unresolved doubts can slowly chip away at your connection.

Instead of letting uncertainty linger, it’s time to confront it head-on.

Asking yourself a few brutally honest questions could be the key to uncovering what’s really going on and whether your relationship has the foundation to thrive.

Before you decide your next move, let’s dive into these eight questions that will help you find the clarity you need.

1) “Are you happy?”

This is often the hardest question to ask yourself, but it’s also the most important.

Happiness is a complex beast, and it can be elusive in relationships. But if you dig deep, you can usually find a definitive answer.

Are you generally happier when your partner is around, or do you find relief when they’re not? It’s a simple question, but it can reveal a lot about the state of your relationship.

Take some time to really think about this.

Consider your mood, your emotions, and your overall wellbeing when you’re with your partner versus when you’re apart.

A good relationship should bring more joy to your life than stress. If it’s the other way around, then it’s time to reconsider things.

2) “Do you feel respected?”

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It’s more than just being polite; it’s about valuing each other’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. 

I’ve been in relationships where respect was lacking, and trust me, it’s like trying to build a house on sand – it just doesn’t work.

Reflect on how your partner treats you.

• Do they listen when you speak?
• Do they value your opinions?
• Are they considerate of your feelings?

As the iconic Aretha Franklin once sang, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me”.

Psychology shows that respect in a relationship promotes trust, emotional safety, and long-term compatibility.

If you’re not feeling respected, it’s a serious sign that something in your relationship needs to be addressed. 

3) “Are you able to be yourself?”

This is a big one. In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t have to change who you are to make your partner happy.

I remember a time in my past when I felt like I had to mold myself into someone else just to keep the peace. It was exhausting and, ultimately, unhealthy.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deeper into this issue.

Being authentic is crucial for your personal growth and the health of your relationship. If you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying not to upset your partner, it’s a sign of trouble.

4) “Are you okay with being apart?”

This one might seem counterintuitive. Shouldn’t we want to be with our partner all the time if we’re truly in love?

Well, not exactly.

Research shows that a healthy relationship requires a balance between togetherness and individuality. It’s important to have your own interests, hobbies, and time apart.

If the thought of spending time away from your partner causes you anxiety or distress, it could be a sign of unhealthy attachment.

Being okay with being apart doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It means you have a strong sense of self and can maintain your individuality while being part of a couple.

5) “Do you trust your partner?”

Trust is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Without it, everything else can crumble.

I recall a relationship I had where trust was shaky. It was like walking a tightrope, always second-guessing and questioning every action. It’s no way to live.

Ask yourself:

• Do you trust your partner implicitly?
• Can you confide in them, knowing they will keep your secrets?
• Do you believe they’re faithful when you’re not around?

If the answer is no, or even a hesitant maybe, it’s time to delve deeper into why that is.

Trust isn’t just given; it’s earned. And if it’s been broken, rebuilding it takes time and effort. Be honest with yourself about the state of trust in your relationship. It’s one of the most crucial steps towards gaining clarity.

6) “Are you in love or in love with the idea of them?”

This is a brutally raw question, but it’s essential. Sometimes, we’re more in love with the idea of someone than who they truly are.

It’s easy to fall for the “potential” of a person or the image of them we’ve created in our minds. But it’s not fair to you or them. You deserve to be in love with a real person, not an idealized version.

Is your love based on who your partner genuinely is – flaws and all? Or is it based on who you want them to be, or who they could become?

If it’s the latter, it’s time for some serious soul-searching. Real love accepts and embraces a person as they are, not as we wish them to be.

7) “Is your relationship equal?”

Equality is key in a relationship. It’s not about keeping score, but about ensuring both partners are equally invested and respected.

I’ve been in relationships where the scales were tipped, and it felt like I was doing all the work. According to psychology, these one-sided relationships are exhausting and can breed resentment over time.

So consider your relationship.

Do you both contribute equally? Does one person make all the decisions or bear the emotional load?

Both partners should have an equal say and contribute to the relationship’s growth. If that’s not happening, it might be time to reassess.

8) “Are you staying out of fear?”

Last but definitely not least, this is perhaps the most brutally honest question of all. Are you staying in your relationship out of love, or out of fear?

Fear of being alone, fear of starting over, fear of what others will think – these are not reasons to stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling or healthy.

Ask yourself: If you weren’t afraid, would you still choose to be with your partner?

It’s a tough question to face, but it’s necessary. You deserve a relationship that brings you joy and fulfillment, not one rooted in fear. 

Final thoughts

Asking yourself these brutally honest questions can be daunting, but they serve as a powerful compass guiding you through your relationship doubts

Whether they reveal areas needing improvement or suggest a different path altogether, facing these truths head-on is a crucial step toward making decisions that honor your well-being and future happiness.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these issues and provide practical advice on how to navigate them.